Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Chronic Self-Defeating Behavior

"I really don't want to do that any longer."
What do you chronically do that you say you really don't want to do but you just keep doing it over and over? Is there an antidote???
Getting unhappy because you believe you were responsible for someone else's unhappiness
Getting unhappy because you don't get what you want
Getting unhappy to motivate yourself or others
Getting unhappy out of habit
What's going on here? Do you believe you can't change? Do you believe you're not in control of your behavior?

What's the antidote? If you're a student of The Option Institute you know the antidote.
It's called self-studentship. Here, drink this...The Principles of Studentship,
Power Dialogues, pp. 3-5, by Barry Neil Kaufman


  1. I love the power dialogue book.

    The other day I got a request about mentoring. My friend described her situation which brought up strong feelings - she called herself / her feelings "ridiciouless". I think this is common: "I have taken all these programs at the option insitute I should know to be happy in all situations".

    I refered to the principle of self studentship: if you acknowledge and accept your feelings and behaviours then you can actually look at it and decide if you want to change something.

    When she called me two days later for the dialogue she started by: "your remark about self studentship was so usefull".

    I believe that love and acceptance is key to change.


  2. I love that section so much, I read it over and over again, and there's always more to see. When I get frustrated with myself - which invariably slows down the pace of change, rather than helping me to move! - it helps so much to realise that even doing awareness and acknowledgement is putting my feet firmly on the path to growth and change and greater happiness.

  3. Thanks Clyde. I reread pages 3 to 5 of the Power Dialogues book. It's so well-written, clear and comprehensively states how to transform ourselves. Isn't persistence the answer? I find, having just started at Option, that the more I uncover beliefs, I find clusters of sub-beliefs underneath and then each of these sub-beliefs leads to more clusters of further beliefs. It seemed overwhelming at first but I think with a variety of dialogue partners and persistence, taking one belief at a time, I can get there. Thanks Clyde for your ultimate skill as a dialogue mentor which has inspired me to get on and stay on the path to lasting happiness.
    Mark Oakley