From Rekha: Should you be happy?

I was talking on the phone to a lady a few days ago about the work I do as an Option Process®Mentor-Counsellor, in this conversation she said “…it is selfish to just be seeking happiness, we should be doing god’s work not just walking around being happy…” This prompted me to reflect on what I was doing just a few years ago, when I was very unhappy verses what I do now I am much happier.

In 2005 I picked up a form to apply to Caudwell charity for a place at the Son-Rise® Start Up programme, this was a simple one page form not terribly demanding for someone of my ability to fill in but I didn’t. Why? I hear you ask, the answer is that I felt so hopeless that I didn’t believe we would get funding, it would be a hard struggle, I worried that may be this wouldn’t work for Rohan (our son with special needs), worried at the possibility that I would do it wrong and be rejected, the list went on…basically I was very unhappy. It took me over 18months to stump up the courage to fill that form in!

Last year 2010 I took our local authority to court over Rohan’s education, I ran a full time home schooling (Son-Rise) programme in which I had several team changes, I set up my counselling practice which is now thriving so I am helping so many other people with the skills I have, I remodelled part of the house this was whilst caring for our six year old daughter with my husband working away 3 weeks per month, and no we don’t have any family locally either…and that is not the whole list!. I was so much more effective at supporting my kids/family, my ambition, friends and clients. What changed? Well I believe different things, I fill myself with beliefs that support my comfort, happiness…yes I am totally selfish and I love it and I would like to believe that god likes my work!

Rekha.

Option Process Mentor-Counsellor, Son Rise Mum.

www.rekhaneilson.co.uk

"It's Not Supposed to be Fun"

From David:

I can imagine the eyes of my great-grandmother-in-law studying mine from a photograph on the wall, her left eye seeming cold and decisive, knowing, while her right eye portrays a loving and easy-going side. If I could extract a philosophy from her countenance, it might be "have a good time, when you can".

It seems that I do that "when you can" kind of thinking, a lot.

Nearing 40 years of age, I find myself sifting out beliefs about "adulthood", "parenthood", and "responsibility" that I inserted into my belief system at some point for some reason, to do my best for myself. It feels wonderful to toss many of them out, and many of them seem to tie into this one: "It's not supposed to be fun." Doing the dishes, paying bills, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, getting the oil changed in the car, basically any "job" or "chore"... all of these things I remember enjoying the first time I did them. The thrill was gone soon after, as I mentally re categorized those tasks, labeling them now with the words "should" or "have to".

If you're reading this, chances are good that you have adopted the belief, "happiness is a choice". for yourself. Looking at my imaginary great-grandma-in-law's "when you can", but now with a "happiness is a choice" filter, it looks different: we always can have a good time, if we choose to. Of course, it's difficult to see how to choose happiness sometimes. For me, that's often when I'm leaning on that "it's not supposed to be fun" idea.

Everything can be fun. I know people who love doing laundry, enjoy cleaning toilets, and dive into their job with passion. Those people are inspiration, because:

• it's possible



• it's doable for anyone



• it's a choice to be comfortable/uncomfortable about Anything

When I struggle, in the now, with finding my way to choose happiness, I remember that. That inspiration helps me to break the dam of patterned thinking. Creativity opens, and my answer to the left eye of my great-nanny becomes "You always can."

Bears Remix: 3 Favorite Quotes from Barry Neil Kaufman

From David:

"By giving away what we want most (love, money, gratitude), we create a greater abundance of the very commodity we seek. What goes around comes around."

~ Barry Neil Kaufman

Bears titled this quote "Amplification" in his book of pensées, "Out-Smarting Your Karma and Other PreOrdained Conditions". I trust in these words as if they are like a law of nature, something we can always count on. If I am happy, easy, with a desire to be useful (loving) to every person I spend time with, I see a remarkable response from each of those people. If I really listen to and fully visit the world of whoever I'm with, no matter how foreign the climate and scenery of that planet may seem, I am greeted with commonality and openness. Turn up the volume on love in your life: amplification. Big love!


"Don't cut yourself just some slack... cut yourself all the slack you need."

~ Barry Neil Kaufman

Ahhhhhhh. What I find so useful about this idea is that it is like a recipe for feeling ease, a shortcut to taking off self-induced pressure (stress). Others can try to pressure us to do what they want us to do, to do it faster, etc., but we decide whether to work ourselves up about it. I can work more efficiently, creatively, effectively, faster without the stress. ALL the slack you need. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Love it!


"When I attend to my fears and discomforts, it seems as if I no longer know what I'm wanting."

~ Barry Neil Kaufman

Also from "Out-Smarting Your Karma and Other PreOrdained Conditions", entitled "Losing Touch". I love the "seems as if" because it brings home the point: when we are living in our "negative emotions", we act from a consciousness that is not keyed into what we want to be doing. The result is "losing touch" and we find ourselves acting in a way we're actually trying to avoid in our lives. Staying in touch with what we're thinking may seem like it should be unnecessary, but I think it absolutely is, for the reason Bears gives here. I know that if I feel discomfort or fear and don't pay attention, I go involuntary, my brain stops working cross-hemisphere or something, and all the internal drama gets staged and turned into a huge production, distracting and often sabotaging what I want to be doing.


If there's a book that Bears has written that you haven't read, I recommend it to you! There are gems like these throughout his writings.

Is it time for you to come home?

In 1991, over 20 years ago, one day I was at work and Beverly was at home, and we both happened to be listening to the same interview on Wisconsin Public Radio. That night, when we saw each other, we both said, "You should have heard what I heard today!"

Yes, you guessed it. It was an interview with Bears. We were so totally in agreement with the ideas Bears shared that day, ideas from Happiness Is A Choice. That led to a trip to the library to read HIAC. Then, in 1992 we took Inward Bound, now reborn as Who Are You and What Is Your Purpose. In 1993 we came back for Living The Dream. In 1994 we came on staff.
Oh baby, what a journey! The cause was truly in the future that day in 1991 when we both heard the interview with Bears. And here we are, Beverly and I, in 2011, our 18th year, senior teachers at The Option Institute. What an honor...what a privilege...what a good time we have had. And continue to have. Who am I - Clyde, senior teacher at the Option Institute. What is my purpose - to help you help yourself become happier! Come see us. Find out who you are - really.
We are waiting for you. Come home.

From Bears: Purpose of Judgments

The purpose of judgments: to motivate, to make our position stronger, to create unhappiness. During a Wide Awake program at The Option Institute, our class explored that judgments of ourselves is our way to not deal with our unhappiness and to not change. Because what we judge, we push away...and what we accept we also befriend and give ourselves an opportunity to understand and change. Love & smiles, Bears

Comments:

Trish H. - Judgement as a way NOT to change! Wow! I bet the common belief is that judging ourselves is meant to motive us to change. At least, my gut tells me that was my belief.

BradandLaura H. - what a perfectly timed statement. Thank you Bears for sharing that xxx

Lynn R.P. - Yes, I have used judgment of myself for decades as a way to not deal with unhappiness and not to change. I've said I wanted to change but always had a reason not to. Still exploring this concept and choosing to run towards my unhappiness and judgments.

Judy B. - Wow, Oooh! Fits with a lot of what I've been exploring about. So helpful to notice the judgements.

Ray R. - Optimal Self-Trust tought me to observe and not judge, even myself,big for me!

Winden R. - Whoever said that is one SMART cookie! xoxo

Shaun K.- judgment ˈjəjmənt ˈdʒədʒmənt ˈdʒʌdʒm(ə)nt (also judgement) noun 1 the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions : an error of judgment that is not, in my judgment, the end of the matter.

Peter Alfred V. L. - The world is so interesting. It seems like we either attract or reject, expand or schrink, progress or regress and a milion other things of duality. Imagine if the attutude and judgements is just another form of the duality, then we can know that we somehow attract, expand or progress when we are in the attitude and reject, schrink or regress when we judge...That would make things a lot easier. Thanks for the insight, guys :-) Love and light - Ethan ♥

Larry F. - Today, I learned that by flipping this statement around - to be in a happy and joyful place regardless of the experience that is happening in the moment - puts me in a place to be able to change anything and everything. It is ...my path to true freedom... Today was the best day of my life, as I got to experience this freedom first hand - staying in my loving and joyful state regardless of what others were saying about me or how they were perceiving me. I accomplished my biggest goal - and passed my greatest test - with flying colors!!! Thanks to all those who judged me today! That was the most loving thing you could ever have done. I am now free to change whatever I choose.... YESSSS!!!!

Pessy G. - I hold a belief that "happiness breaks boundaries". It's wonderful to read everything that is being shared. Thanks to you all! Although I don't know you in person, I know you in spirit, and I am truly grateful to share our world together. Can't wait until Fearless! YES!!!

Paula Ann S. - The hilarious challenge is not judging yourself for judging in the first place....the vicious cycle.....haaaaaa

Alison S. T. - Dear Bears, how did you know I would want to hear about judgements today. I am feeling judged - which of course means that I am hearing someone elses comment and then judging myself. So in keeping with the theme of this week, I am going to love that I am someone who judges herself and then try to find out what it is that I am trying to not deal with and change. Thanks for the extra love!!!

Karenza C. - my goodness, i was just washing my dishes thinking about judgements and thinking how wonderful it would be to accept myself as i am!!! thank you bears xxxx

Donna V. A. - My AHA moment of the day! Thank you.

Julie A. - i needed to hear that.

Denise S. - Wow..so amazing to hear to really help ourselves be self-aware, then to not judge ourselves or others, which is something I have been really struggling with lately..now for the self-understanding phase I'm ready to jump in & figure it out!! I love that concept of it motivates us, now to figure out why it seems to motivate us not to change??

Bears Barry Neil Kaufman - Blown away and delighted by the people who responded and contributed their insights to the posting of "purpose of judgments." I am very enriched and nourish by all your sharing. What we teach at The Option Institute and through the books I have written forms the basis of ideas that not only train folks how to choose happiness and love but also provides one possible formula (acceptance, dropping judgments) that could meaningful enhance inner peace, interpersonal peace, world peace. Isn't it great to think and dream big? We only can go as high and as wide as our biggest thoughts. Think big, dream big, act as if what we dream is possible. Then the world adjusts to our presence and begins to change. Love and gratitude, Bears

From Bears: Change the World by Changing Ourselves

"How many people does it take to change the world?," asked a participant who had taken the Optimal Self-Trust program. Margaret Mead said to never underestimate a small group of like-minded and determined people. I suggested to never underestimate the power of one highly-inspired and dedicated person. We change the world by changing ourselves.

Just ask one committed Son-Rise Program mom or dad.

Just ask one person who decided to drop a judgment today.

Just ask one lover who approached her significant other with ease and acceptance.

Just ask one patient who decided not see their illness as the enemy.

Every day we watch folks change, often dramatically...thus, everyday, we get to witness the power of choice and the wonder it can bring to individuals, families and the world. One person at a time! First, you have to want it...and then, second, you have to believe it's possible to attain. Let's keep dreaming and acting on our dreams!

With much love and optimism,

Bears