From Rekha : Safety in tears

Yes you read the title correctly. What does that mean? well here is my experience and that of many others that have shared with me...we (as a population) tend to hold on to sadness/discomforts in situations as we feel safer doing so than to go to a more comfortable space...we hang on to the worst case scenario, the worst prognosis or even create fears now based around possibilitie

s that could or might happen in the future. So why? One of the main reasons is because we are taught to so we believe it is the safe way to travel, and we buy it. There is nothing wrong with doing any of those things however it like most things in life has consequences... stress, anxiety, depression, and the physical manifestations e.g. high blood pressure, heart attacks and science is even now finding strong links with cancer! SO here is a suggestion if you want something different try something different. Trust you being comfortable in that moment is going to serve you...more comfortable people experience clarity and are more productive, better relationships and lower risk of disease. Give it a go what is the worst that can happen? ;)

Rekha Neilson

www.rekhaneilson.co.uk

FROM BEARS: One Step at a Time

ONE STEP AT A TIME: Holidays with our families. Diets and exercise to make us healthy. Trading in old limiting beliefs for new expansive ones. Day/Months in a Son-Rise Program playroom. Healing from illness. Living with physical/emotion/spiritual challenges. We're fully equipped --one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. Love, Bears

Don K.
:) one step at a time

Gareth B.
Or, live in the present, the power of now.... The playroom is a powerful healing place and not just for the student, the teacher also gains from the experience

Melissa F.
@Gareth, I believe the Power Of Now, is most powerful place to live, especially where autism is concerned. Thank You for sharing.
The journey of a thousand steps, begins with just one, and that is now.

Patrick L.
‎...one opportunity at a time!

Audrey W.
Thank you...I needed this reminder. Happy Thanksgiving.

Alison S. T.
One step at a time - trusting myself to keep going for the step after that and the one after that, but not needing to know right now where those steps will go to - it's all OK ♥

Carla H.
beautiful words, you have such an enlightened way of putting things. Wishing expansive coolness to you and your family this time of year. Namaste'

Ellen Y. S.
yup, one step at a time. What's "in our way" is our way.

Rifka M.
I like that!

Ruth B.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Bears and everyone here. This is such a wonderful reminder. Here, NOW, one step at a time. This is what we have. How perfect! My boy Raffy has finally taught me this and how it actually feels to live fully in each moment. I'm still a rooky but being with him in the playroom, I am glimpsing the wonder of being present and connected with him and the whole universe! Wonderful.

Gareth B.
I also would add that the power of joining, when you completely immerse yourself is profound....

Rekha N.
wonderful thought Bears. I used to give myself just huge hurdles to jump and then judge myself for not achieving them. Now I focus on celebrating how far I have come one step at a time!x

Competition

FROM DAVID:

Not knowing palmistry, I'm going to make this up: on my right hand there's a "competition line". Being competitive was one of my core attributes before being introduced to the Son-Rise Program and delving into The Option Process®. In my teens, I was devastated when I lost a prestigious national violin competition. I felt like a big loser. It got back to me later that one of the judges scored me highest. That judge instantly became, to my mind, the most knowledgeable musician on the panel. In the decades since, I have owned through self-reflection that I simply didn't prepare well for the competition, the winners were equally talented, and there weren't "stupid judges", despite what I said to my friends.

The kicker about competition is that it's all make-believe like everything else. We may perceive that something, like a race, is about winning and losing. But is winning and losing what anything is really about?? Are we, in the spirit of competition, blowing things up to life-and-death proportions?

What IS competition? How does it serve us? Competition often seems to be a way of motivating ourselves with unhappiness if we're focused on not losing. On the other hand, if what we want is to win something, then we're going for what we want, which is another way of saying we're being useful to ourselves, and that's cool. Is competition a frame of reference in which the outcome is judged, good or bad, victory or defeat? How about taking a more expansive view?

What if we didn't freak out over losing? By that token, what if we didn't "need" to win? What if we saw the finish line as the beginning line, where we begin anew with whatever comes after?

I started considering the place of competition in how I "roll" when I realized that I wasn't feeling competitive anymore in major areas of my life: in my career and with myself. Starting with the latter, I tell myself all the time that I'm doing the best I can and I believe it. What an awesome help that is! To not judge myself because I trust myself. In the workplace, I adopted the belief that there WAS room for me and I didn't have to fight anyone to make a place for myself or keep my place secure. Not that I started slacking off in my work or stopped improving my skills. Actually, after the Extraordinary Man program at The Option Institute, I dropped my fear of losing my job. I learned that I am adaptable, skilled, a capable problem solver, and developed confidence in my ability to make it in this world.

Back to my "competition line", I wonder if that line is coming to an end. Lately, even after being introduced to the Wii, the two-headed competition monster hasn't surfaced. I love playing table tennis with my wife without getting in "needing to win" mode. I want to win, sure. But without attaching losing to my identity, I feel that I've won just having played the game.

Exceptional Woman, Here I Come!!

FROM LORNA: Every single one of my girlfriends has at one time or another (including me) grabbed a portion of their body (as if they’re kneading bread) and proclaimed, “I’m fat.” I’m pretty certain I know what fat looks like (or do I?), and NONE OF US are even close to being fat.

What is that about?

I have some theories. Mass media portraying beauty as stick thin might be one culprit. Our mother’s obsessing about their weight might be another. The constant advertising of “fat free” and fad diets certainly is 'feeding' into it (pun intended).

But what is really going on? I want to know. I want to rid myself of these negative thoughts about my body. I need to explore my personal beliefs so that all of those external messages won’t penetrate my TRUE BEAUTY.

Exceptional Woman here I come! What better place to explore this part of myself than with loving, accepting, GLORIOUS WOMEN! I can’t wait! My life as I know it will be forever changed by this amazing journey with my soul sisters.

Will I see YOU there???

Happiness and Health

FROM BEARS (Barry Neil Kaufman): Ellen suffered for 11 years with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (fibromyalgia). She came to a program at The Option Institute to find alternative health strategies and to deal with the many life challenges she faced as a result of this chronic immune dysfunction...illness. After just one week at this self-help workshop, she climbed a mountain and was never so sick again. Ellen is now a Certified Option Process Mentor/Counselor and has attended many personal growth programs including Fearless, Couples Course, Group Facilitator Training, Mentor Certification, The Happiness Option, and Wide Awake.

Addiction vs. Choice

FROM BEARS (Barry Neil Kaufman): Next Subject: Addiction vs. choice. When we exercise everyday (like me), we call it disciplined (because we approve of this repetitive behavior). When we overeat, smoke, drink excessively, we call it an addiction (because we disapprove). In each case, we are choosing. However, using the word addiction is the ultimate abdication of responsibility supported by a clinical culture that suggests we're not in control.

Addiction vs. choice. If we want to do something, over and over again, it’s still a choice in the moment we do it. If we believe choices chosen over and over are more powerful than any new choice we make, then we dis-empower our ability to be different. We’re either in-control or out-of-control – the chooser or the victim. In any next moment, we can make a new choice. Belief becomes reality.

Love, Bears

Eating Is a Substitute for Listening to & Acting on Your Wants

FROM BARB: When I'm eating when I'm not hungry, I'm starting to identify I am "out of the attitude" in some way and and do a "short-cut to happiness" from the Happiness Is a Choice book
I have very specifically noted that when I'm eating "mindlessly" - ie not related to hunger or beyond physical comfort, that I'm usually being fueled in this behavior by not allowing myself to act in a way I actually want. I do a combination of ignoring that quiet voice from within that like a child is tugging my sleeve asking to do something whom I totally "blow off". Plus I am also usually not speaking something I am thinking, and holding that "what I think but do not say" just far enough away from my mouth that I don't say it seems to require a continuous flow of food to sustain like a dam. I find that when I ask myself why I am eating I hear that I am not liking how things are going - either the choices I am making or my lack of authenticity, and if I stop allowing myself to drown that with food it is loud like a bull-horn.

I recently REALLY went of my long-term diet and found I wanted personal time on a certain night and on-going - more of it - and when I marched in and spoke my mind about it and asked for what I wanted (more so announced it) I found the urge to eat extra evaporate. If I commit to no longer over-eating in a way that is nonsensical in light of my chosen diet, it means asking for or announcing what I want loudly, taking more risks in my relationships, and ending judgement and a food blockade to doing what I want, at least some of the time.

Am I willing to do this regularly - it feels really great by the way - or do I want to be a "well-behaved" but over-weight person who is no trouble to people but whose life does not feel so much like their own?

Reflections on Habits/Addictions

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): Reflections on Habits/Addictions: We call something an addiction when we disapprove of what we are doing (drinking, smoking, gaining weight). We call repetitive behavior a discipline when we approve of what we are doing (exercising, supporting our families, parenting our children). We consider disciplines a function of choice, while we see addictions or habitual actions something not in our control. Ah, mythology.

It's all about choice. If we choose to embrace what we call "addictions" or "habits" as choice then we give ourselves ownership and empowered our ability to change. Otherwise, we view ourselves as victims...and not in charge of our behaviors. We're always in charge and that's not a bad thing but an opportunity for liberation. If I acknowledge "I choose" this or that repetitive behavior (each choice happens in the present), then I will more likely then see the way to taking responsibility to choose anew, to choose differently in the next moments. Repetitive choices ("habit") are no more powerful than any choice we make at any time. It's all make-belief...so we get to make-believe we're always empowered to make new and different choices or we're always victims of our past and past choice. Life begins anew right now. Love and smiles, Bears

How Many People Does it Take to Change the World?

FROM BEARS (Barry Neil Kaufman): "How many people does it take to change the world?," a participant who had taken Optimal Self-Trust program asked me today. Margaret Mead said to never underestimate a small group of like-minded and determined people. I suggested to never underestimate the power of one highly-inspired and dedicated person. We change the world by changing ourselves. Just ask one committed Son-Rise Program® mom or dad.

Just ask one person who decided to drop a judgment today. Just ask one lover who approached her significant other with ease and acceptance. Just ask one patient who decided not see their illness as the enemy. Every day we watch folks change, often dramatically...thus, everyday, we get to witness the power of choice and the wonder it can bring to individuals, families and the world. One person at a time! First, you have to want it...and then, second, you have to believe it's possible to attain. Let's keep dreaming and acting on our dreams.

With much love and optimism, Bears

Suddenly Disabled - Can You Still Be Happy?

I received the following letter from an Option Institute program participant.

Tiahna was recently diagnosed with a "chronic, debilitating condition" that may prevent her from doing many things in life that she loves. For many, happiness would be the last emotion they'd feel faced with a situation like hers. However, having taken a number of Option Institute programs - including Optimal Self Trust and Inner Strength, and the whole Grand Summer Sequence - Tiahna was equipped with Option Process^® tools that prepared her for her illness.

When I read Tiahna's letter I was so inspired that I wanted to share it with you.

Please read on.

Hi Bears,

I had originally thought that I would be there with you next week for Wide Awake to celebrate life and my 50th birthday. Things don't always go the way we plan or would prefer.

I have spent the last two weeks in excruciating pain, being bounced from doctor to doctor in an attempt to find out what might be causing the extreme swelling and pain migrating from joint to joint in my body. At one point last week I was in a wheel chair and uncertain as to whether or not I would ever be able to walk again. I have finally been diagnosed with a chronic debilitating condition that I will most likely be dealing with for the rest of my life, and it may well deprive me of some of the activities I most enjoy in life - hiking, playing my guitar, gardening, etc.

As stimulus goes I would give it a ten, but here is the amazing thing. I am fine. I would certainly prefer not to have this stimulus, and I will absolutely keep working to change it, but even if this is to be my life from here on out, I know that I will be happy and content despite it all.

I know that because of you and The Option Institute. What an extraordinary gift that is!!! In the face of what many would consider a catastrophic event, I am calm and peaceful. I am 100% confident that I have the inner resources to meet whatever life brings me with ease and comfort. Wow!

Many of my "non-option" friends and family keep asking me if I am angry, or scared, or feel betrayed by life, etc. The honest answer is "no". Instead, I feel curious, determined and profoundly grateful for the many courses I have taken at The Option Institute that have prepared me to live my life, even this part of it, with joy and enthusiasm.

So once again I send you my love and the deepest gratitude for the gifts that you and all the other Option Institute staff have given me!

May as many blessings as you have given others return to you a thousand-fold.

Who would have ever thought nine years ago that I would finally make my way to the front seat of the roller coaster with arms up high waving in delight?

Truly it is a great ride!

With all my love,
Tiahna

The Bet

Who among us will win the sushi dinner?

Lose 10# or 15# in 10 weeks?

Our very own Mr. Barry Neil Kaufman wrote "A promise is what we tell each other when we're not sure we want to do it."
(Out-Smarting Your Karma)

In this case, it's a bet instead of a promise.
Weight loss: Diet. Denial. Monotonous routinized tedium.
Is it any wonder I'm using a bet as motivation to do what I 'should' do?

"When I believe I "have to," "should" or "must" ... I usually want to move in the opposite direction." (another Out-Smarting Your Karma gem)

So instead of thinking about moving toward improving my health, I've been focusing on moving away from being fat! And we all know that what you focus on you make bigger (and bigger and bigger!)

I'm now focusing on what I want: To be fit and healthy and vibrant.

So I dug out my Force of Nature notes and am creating action items to attach to each line item:
Clarity of Purpose
Decide to make a difference
Conviction
Believe in what you're about to do
Daring
Stand tall even in the face of opposition
Passion
Once committed, give it all you've got
Persistence
Stay the race until the end

What about you? Are you moving toward or away?
Are you creating your very own Alternative Health program?
I'd love to hear about your experiences!

Brain Tumor Shrinks: Beliefs Impact Biology

A woman, a Son-Rise Program mom, joined us this morning in the Summit House at the Option Institute with other moms, dads and professionals from Australia, Sweden, Canada, UK, Denmark, India, Texas, Georgia, California et al. She took copious notes as the class progressed. Although our native languages were quite varied and we came from differing heritages, all of us in the room shared one huge dedication in common: The Son-Rise Program for autism and a deep commitment to help all the children with autism and other challenges. As I turned the flame up higher and higher in class, these awesome folks started to climb their own personal mountains...they seemed to get it: attitude first, attitude always. Change your beliefs and you change your thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

And then that Son-Rise Program mom who seemed very present with the class and the process blew our socks off. She added into the mix a key principle we teach: change your beliefs and you change your biology. She had had a brain tumor; it was growing larger. Then, she attended the Son-Rise Program Start-Up seminar to find a way to help her son. During that program, she made life-changing decisions about herself and how she lived in the world (she would no longer suppress herself and her emotions). The impact went beyond what a reasonable person might have anticipated. Her tumor started to shrink and when she returned for Maximum Impact, she reported that the brain tumor is now smaller. She attributed what she learned attitudinally and her commitment to no longer suppress her thoughts and feelings to reversing a potential lethal biological process.

Are you suppressing yourself (a metaphor for "killing yourself)?" New beliefs creates new biology (new physiology). When we hold ourselves back, when we lock up our distressing thoughts and uncomfortable feelings somewhere in our bodies (we each have different "storage areas), we begin the process of socially-acceptable suicide. Strong language. You bet!

What if we decided everything is changeable (the universe celebrates itself through change)? What if we imagined (made believe) that we could (and do) impact our health and disease process by how we think? What if we considered that we could learn to think differently if we wanted?

Consider two roads -- one goes to heaven (another metaphor) and the other leads to hell (yet another metaphor). One improves our health; the other fuels dis-ease. That Son-Rise Program mom this morning inspired us all (because in learning how to help her child with Autism, she learned key attitudinal principles taught at the Option Institute). When we learn to be happier (more self-accepting and less judgmental), we take a giant step toward self improvement, personal growth as well as greater health and wellness (in effect, a key component within any concept of health strategies). Perhaps, in addition to whatever medical help we seek, changing our beliefs and attitude is the most important part of improving health and creating our own healing journey.

With awe and excitement and love, Bears