From Rekha:Acquiring happiness…

I have been hearing about various friends pre-ordering and queuing up for their new iphone 5.  I know many of them are strapped for cash, well many complain about not having enough but they still go after that upgrade and aspire to acquire that phone whatever the consequence.  There is nothing wrong with that at all and they have their own reasons for doing that, but it reminded me of a time in my own life a many years back where I hinged my happiness and comfort on acquiring something.  I remember thinking “when I get that new……then I will then be happy”. The problem was I went through hell to get that thing, and when I got that new thing I felt a sense of joy temporarily but the emptiness inside was still there, so I reached out for the next thing and then the next and repeated it like a mantra. I wonder how many people do this???

Now I feel and behave differently because I think differently, I do make purchases but they are not like a carrot that I dangle before myself as if my whole happiness and existence is hinged on acquiring that thing.  So even if I don’t get that item for whatever reason, I still feel comfortable and complete inside. 

Rekha Neilson

Option Process Mentor-Counsellor

www.rekhaneilson.co.uk

From Bears: Be flexible

Flexibility and buildings: Years ago, we built buildings out of the hardest materials to be strong and withstand environmental challenges - like earthquakes. They fell down anyway. Today, we build buildings to be flexible...to sway, to move, even put some of them on rollers. The lesson: when we're bridle, we break -- when we're flexible, we move with the wind and the currents. We survive/we thrive. Be flexible.

Be like the wings of an aircraft. Movement is a sign of life. Rigidity is the echo of death. The universe celebrates itself through constant change -- nothing is set (that's only an illusion). Everything flexes -- everything moves. We can be intentional and design/redesign ourselves for the greatest capability to the flexible and to move. Love and smiles, Bears (Co-Founder/Option Institute)

Comments:

Barbara Beckmeyer - My mother used to say the gift of patience is patience..it like that with being flexible. The more flexible I become the more options I see in every situation..Thank you for teaching me about the Intelligrid and sharing such wonderful tools for living my wonderful, yummy life!

Tim Smith - Love the comment. It is mind yoga, good for the body too. :) :-) :) :)

Karie Bourke - Earlier today I was looking to see if you had posted anything new, Bears, and now here we go! Just what I needed, thanks :)

Akiko Hara - "Comment" / "Like" .... Where is the "Love" icon? I love it!

Frank Seidel - Inspired flexibility is my new mantra. I am a free spirit on fire! Thank you for a wonderful week with such extraordinary men!

Alison Sharpe Taylor - So often in my past the guidance I have been given by those around me has been in the form of what not to do - don't drink, don't smoke, don't sleep around etc, the result of that was I still had no idea what to actually do, and because my ...'advisors' were so fervent in their desire to teach me about how bad I could be if I made these wrong choices that I became afraid to think things out for myself because surely I would just mess it up. I think that a whole lot of rules of what not to do leads to us being rigid and brittle, because we become afraid to move in case we get it wrong.

Knowing that I am my own expert and that I have my own answers means that bit by bit my thinking is becoming more flexible and I am beginning to believe that I could make choices for myself that would be nourishing rather than destructive.

I am so hugely grateful to you Bears and the staff of the Option Institute for showing me this.

Best love

Tauska Trusaun - This speaks so directly to my core. Thank you Bears. I loved it so much that I shared it on my page. I hope it is ok.

Judy Meyers - I love the sayings go with the flow and accept what is! They have helped me be so much more flexible! I am still working on resisting some things and when I do I tense up. This weekend for example I went home to visit family and I was pl...aying my long time role of peacemaker and harmonier. I tried to calm down my family members engaged in drama, chaos, and conflict. After the weekend my neck was so stiff from the resistance and tension. I realized I have to go with the flow and accept what is and if I don't like it, I can go for a walk or drive, etc. I don't have to stay in it. I also can choose to observe and not get involved. There are many choices and I can choose differently from my past and give up old roles that no longer serve me. Thank you, Love Judy

Lorna Miller - I wrote a blog post about just this! Go to http://www.miracleforross.com/ to read it! It's called "Just Float." Thanks Bears!

From Bears: Foundational Principle #3

Foundational Principle#3, Option Process (what we teach in our programs at the Option Institute). EVERYTHING WE FEEL, SAY AND DO HAS A CHOSEN BELIEF WHICH FUELS IT. Some folks subscribe to stimulus-response and say: "You made me unhappy." We teach stimulus-belief-response (between an event and our response is the engagement of a belief. So, we might say: "When you do that, I make myself unhappy."

And if I made myself unhappy (frustrated, angry, impatient, sad), then I’m not a victim of what others do or because of situations around me. If my responses (feelings and behaviors) come from my beliefs (which I created or adopted), then I’m in charge and can change my beliefs and, thus, change my feelings and behaviors. Stimulus-response = being a victim of what others do. Stimulus-belief-response = we’re in charge of ourselves and then have the power to change by changing our beliefs or belief filters. When I wrote Power Dialogues (a blueprint on how to change beliefs), I also realized that in order for any of us to change we have to: 1) want to change and 2) believe we can. You can. I can. We can. Love, Bears

Comments:

Shaun K.- bears will you please thoroughly explain what you mean when you say the word belief?

Bears Barry Neil Kaufman - Two ideas for you, Shaun: 1) read Power Dialogues -- there is an entire chapter devoted to what beliefs are and why we create them. 2) let's see what others post as an answer to you question -- we have so many knowledgeable students that I am sure can help here. Love, Bears

Shaun K. - well, bears i was hoping you would be able to paraphrase for us. Seeing as how it is your philosophy I figured we would be better off getting the explanation from the source. I do understand the need to reserve some info for sales sake to...

But if anyone else is willing to detail what the word belief means to them it would ve very much appreciated.

I think it would be a valuable topic for discussion as it seems to be very close to the root of the option philosophy as a whole. To me, a belief is an arrangement of words that one is devoted to or invested in

Jenn M. - To me it is something I think is true.

Larry B.- to believe, or not to believe is a choice. What we believe a stimuli might mean, good, bad, or all degree's inbetween or beyond, is also a choice. We experience what is going on, emotionally, as a direct result of the meaning we create, make believe, it mens. Does the flavor of belief help or hinder one in advancing towards a happier, or more enjoyable experience of whatever is going on or not? Perhaps this might be a useful criteria to apply to ones choice of belief?

Peter A. V. L. - Hi Bears

I have heard you say that so many times now and that is just so perfect. I have reasonly become aware of the idea that is just a belief and I think that strengthen the concept. Just as you wrote youself in "Happyness Is A Choice": I... might be totally wrong, but I will rather be happy. People have told me that I shouldn't be part of the "Option sect", but we are only making up beliefs and that is the safest place for me to be. Because every belief I change has been gently changed by me and nobody has forced me to anything - and also can't do that, which is my belief.

I am so happy to have the choice of happiness and I love the day I will see the Option Institute again.

I can't remember what is written in Power Dialogues, but I have my own version - which I guess that we all have.

A belief is a thought I use to me sence for me in the world. I see it as a process of perception: I sence stimulus, I then make sence of it through my beliefs and then I act upon what I beliefs. So by forming beliefs I am chosing how we want to make sence of the world I live in. Very nice!!!

By the way I think everyone is their own source to how we understand the Option Process. Bears has his set of beliefs and I have mine and I want to adobt some of Bears beliefs by attending classes at the Option Institute, but I don't think I would be happy if everything I had learned was from somewhere out of me. I learn from myself and that's really solid.

- Ethan ♥

Alison S. T. - Beliefs are our own make belief that either we have created for ourselves or adopted from other people. We are totally free to choose whatever beliefs we want to create. We also keep alive our beliefs by rechoosing them which makes them feel stronger. We choose and maintain our beliefs in order to take care of ourselves in the best way we know how. Also I think that beliefs are not facts and that we are free to change them at any point, however if we treat them like facts or truths then we are in a way we are doing that to protect them from challenge. Our belief system stretches into every area of our lives even the way we view an event that has occured. I used to work for an insurance company and the witness reports that I read as part of claim forms were testament to this. An example of this was a road accident where a large articulated lorry had ended up in a ditch. The first witness said that she thought that the driver was drunk because the lorry was swerving all over the road.

Alison S. T.- The second witness said that the driver wasn't paying attention to the road and was using a CB radio as she could see his arm waving about. The third witness said that a car coming the other way had driven too close to the lorry causing it to swerve into the ditch. The driver said that a bumble bee had got into his cab and he was trying to direct it out of the window again. Four people, four different accounts of the same incident, each person was sure that they were right. The outcome was the insurance compay got a £13,000 bill for damage to the lorry. So is there a right answer - or are we making it up. I believe that we are making it up, but then I am making that up too, because I think that is the best way to take care of me, because I can decide to make it up differently if the first version no longer is helpful to me.

Larry B. - Right on Alison, thanks for reminding about that fascet of our ability, and how some distract themselves believing their make-belief is 'fact.'.....and tend to gloss over, their own hand in creating their version/belief...

Seliger R. - A belief = your premise of what you understand to be your (absolute) truth.

Truth being a non negotiable premise that simply is just that.

PD helps one to get intouch with that truth. ;)))

North W. - Recently someone ask me about Option, I give them a short version of SBR...it was so cool they labeled me as one of those "Berkshire Radicals"...one of my proudest moments to be judged.

Peter A. V. L. - Alison! That was a great story to amplify the strength of a believe as non-factual. If beliefs was facts then, in our minds, we would not even considder question them, because our brain doesn't question facts - well my brain doesn't - and then Power Dialogues would have no effect.

A question for people who read this page: Could you make believe that "facts" can be categorized as pices of information that you don't question rather then real univerial laws that never changes?

By the, I love you, North!! Every fiber of you Birkshire Radical being, He he he.

Alison S. T. - So does it serve us better to hold 'facts' about life or 'beliefs' about our life? Facts can seem strong, solid and dependable - we know where we are with something that doesn't change. Whereas beliefs are fluid, flexible and changeable. Remembering that we are in charge of choosing what goes on in our own heads, which do we want to choose? When deciding for myself, I liked the analogy of the tree in the tornado. Is a strong solid tree like an oak likely to survive or is a thin flexible tree that can bend with the wind more likely to survive. In the 1987 hurricane in the UK (I have to go back that far as we don't have many here) I think that Sevenoaks in Kent lost 6 out of 7 of it's oaks, so the oak tree lost out to the tree that leaned with the wind. Water moves and is flexible too, in a river the water keeps moving and can bring down the strongest fortress built on a cliff by the sea.

So the ability to choose beliefs for ourselves, knowing that we are making them up, is a great way to take care of ourselves, because we can move with the flow. It's so much more fun too as we can be playful with creating beliefs, it doesn't have to be hard painful work - unless of course we choose that.

Loving the discussion peeps..... keep the ideas coming!!!

Peter A. V. L. - My belief about this, and this is a quick hit, is that we really know nothing about our lives and therefore we have the ability to make up anything we want. so what is the strongest facts or beliefs? I guess the one that we choose (to believe in).

Alison S. T.- I like that Ethan!!! : ) Your comments are so inspiring for me.

Peter A. V. L. - Good for you, Alison! Well done!

From Bears: Foundational Principles #1

Foundational Principles of the Option Process (what we teach at Option Institute) #1 - HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE: Though many of us speak as if our emotions happen to us, we believe that they are responses we choose in an effort to take care of ourselves. Misery, fear, anger, distress, and discomfort are optional, not inevitable. We can show you how to make emotional choices of comfort to enhance your life. Love, Bears

Comments:
Deborah G. - Thank you for posting this again, and again, I need reminding about this when I am afraid and trying to move forward in my life....

Shaun K. - Personally i call this emotional responsibility. I find it hard to believe, however, that there exists a truly emotionless state, and so I would say everyone is always feeling something, though it may not be outstanding. It is impossible to constantly be paying attention to your own emotional state.
Therefor some emotional conditioning, or a sort of self training may be necessary to eliminate undesired emotions completely, but personally i do not feel this is healthy.
Having controlled my emotions for years, and also having relinquished control, I find it best for myself only to control my emotions when they feel unhealthy or extremely out of balance. I have found plenty of value in "allowing emotions to happen to me" as a sort of subtle internal compass.
I figure if negative emotions exist there may be a purpose or reason for them, and so i allow them to be as important to me as positive emotions, and I find the contrast of the two more refreshing and enlightening.

Pessy G. - Hi Shaun. What if you were to believe that there are no "positive" or "negative" emotions, rather simply emotions as you said, that have a purpose, and are as important as we make them? What if, in understanding their purpose, we give ourselves the opportunity to choose the emotion that is most useful at the time? How about visiting www.option.org? Check out the webinars and enjoy...if you choose to ;)

Shaun K. - Pessy. I chose to view emotions as positive and negative because it expands my range of concepts, giving me more versatility in my explanations. this is the same reason i do not remove the words "should" "try" and "better" from my vocabulary.
I feel I am able to understand what emotions are most useful at the time, though i rarely chose to be so utilitarian with my own heart (figuratively).
I am not suggesting there is no purpose for what I call negative emotions or what Bears calls misery, fear, anger, distress, and discomfort. In fact I am suggesting the opposite: that there is a purpose for all emotions and hence little need for me to control them, it is more useful for me to study them, rather than allowing my study to use my emotions.

Simone D. L. T. - Shaun, I think the main question here that is being proposed is not about how you judge your emotions to be good or bad but that they are always your choice even though you might think you are not choosing them and they are just happening to you. A lot of people think that the Option Process advocates that people must be happy all the time and it is forbidden to feel anger, misery, etc but not so, what it claims is mainly that we choose our feelings, whichever they are, because they serve us a purpose, people use unhappiness or happiness because there is an underlying belief that it serves them in a certain way, even though that belief is not always clear to everybody, so in a way what you are saying is not the opposite but the same thing Bears is saying, you are just choosing to keep emotions you choose to call negative because you think they serve you a purpose and that is totally ok. In the Option Process what you do is exactly as you said study your emotions.

Alison S. T. - Happiness is a choice is my favourite of all your ideas Bears, because the ideas that our emotional responses are based on our beliefs is so empowering - I love the fact that I am in charge of me, and that if I explore my beliefs that I can change them if I want to and so give myself a whole different experience. But also aren't people so amazingly fascinating, we all have such an incredible array of beliefs that are unique to us. So deciding to work with ourselves to uncover our beliefs could be more like going on a treasure hunt rather than open heart surgery without anaethesia. Love hugs and smiles

Larry B. - Shawn and Pessy; there is a reason behind every choice of emotion we put on ourselves. Me thinks the question to ask is whether it helps, truly helps one to have the quality of experience they want to have, display, and to share? And to become aware it is not the stimuli that determines this, it is ones own chosen and held beliefs about what or how one best ought to respond or react like a program and each of us is our own programmer hugs

Melanie M. S. - I shared this with a dear friend yesterday and recommended she visit the site and order some great books!!

Shaun K. - Simone, I am very aware that the proposition Bears is making is that emotions are always a choice, and not that negative emotions are to be avoided. My detailing of that idea was for pessy. I am not suggesting the same thing as bears, however.

Allow me to make an analogy:

Breathing is a choice. one could always choose to be inhaling or exhaling, however one is constantly breathing, (in the same way i would argue one is constantly feeling) and does not always have the time or head space to choose, as more pressing issues arise. in this way inhaling, exhaling, misery or fear may happen to you. paying attention to ones breathing is recommended by many a teacher in very much the same way paying attention to emotions is.

i feel the same way about choosing my breathing as i do about choosing my emotions. unless they are extremely out of balance, i leave it up to my body to regulate them most of the time, as i think most people do, and this feels healthy to me.

Simone D. L. T. - I understand now Shaun and you're right it's not the same thing. I disagree in the sense that I believe my breathing is controlled by involuntary action while my feelings are controlled by my beliefs although one could argue there are people who can control their breathing like those divers who can hold their breath for ages. Its a fascinating shady line between mind and matter and this is a region of thought I am not certain myself. I would love to follow an Option course which discussed this, how much of our diseases/body functions happen to us or are caused by us. I like the way you discuss ideas deeply and dissects them, very interesting. It is a question of belief really as I don't think there is such an option of leaving it up to your body to regulate your feelings, I think choices are being made even if you are not concious you are making them, they are such automated responses rehearsed over and over again by ingrained beliefs that it feels as if we are not choosing them. I think that is why some people don't like surprises because it would require a more concious choice of reaction rather than a rehearsed one. When we designate that the cause of our feelings is the stimulli outside, what happens, whenever that particular thing happens we react in the same way and blame the thing happening taking our responsibility away from the choice of our reactions. When you exercise making different choices you sample the power of changing your destiny as you start getting totally different outcomes and it is really refreshing. But as choices go, it is up to each person, you are choosing what it feels healthy to you and that is great, to take care of ourselves at all times is everyone's ultimate goal and the guide of our choices. Thanks for discussing, it is a fascinating subject.

Judy M. - I have found that emotions are responses to thinking. Feelings are gifts that tell us what we are thinking. If I ever want to know what I am thinking I just need to be aware of what I am feeling. If I want to change a feeling or emotion, I can change my thinking. So I am in control of my emotions and what I am putting into my head. I now no longer overeat to numb the feelings I don't want to feel. Instead I feel them, understand what the thinking is behind them and choose to change them if I want.

Stacey R. - Happiness may be a choice in our hearts - it's also a choice we can choose to give to others as well. Maybe if we choose to brighten other people's day a little bit - be good natured, and spread God's love, it'll be easier for us ourselves ...to be able to choose to be happy. I find your comments interesting, thanks for posting them, I'm Erol's daughter Stacey! :)

Alison S. T. - Yes Stacey, you are so right, that in giving to others we give ourselves a happier and more nourishing experience. Thanks for joining this. I'm glad you are enjoying Bears status posts. Love Alison : )

"It's Not Supposed to be Fun"

From David:

I can imagine the eyes of my great-grandmother-in-law studying mine from a photograph on the wall, her left eye seeming cold and decisive, knowing, while her right eye portrays a loving and easy-going side. If I could extract a philosophy from her countenance, it might be "have a good time, when you can".

It seems that I do that "when you can" kind of thinking, a lot.

Nearing 40 years of age, I find myself sifting out beliefs about "adulthood", "parenthood", and "responsibility" that I inserted into my belief system at some point for some reason, to do my best for myself. It feels wonderful to toss many of them out, and many of them seem to tie into this one: "It's not supposed to be fun." Doing the dishes, paying bills, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, getting the oil changed in the car, basically any "job" or "chore"... all of these things I remember enjoying the first time I did them. The thrill was gone soon after, as I mentally re categorized those tasks, labeling them now with the words "should" or "have to".

If you're reading this, chances are good that you have adopted the belief, "happiness is a choice". for yourself. Looking at my imaginary great-grandma-in-law's "when you can", but now with a "happiness is a choice" filter, it looks different: we always can have a good time, if we choose to. Of course, it's difficult to see how to choose happiness sometimes. For me, that's often when I'm leaning on that "it's not supposed to be fun" idea.

Everything can be fun. I know people who love doing laundry, enjoy cleaning toilets, and dive into their job with passion. Those people are inspiration, because:

• it's possible



• it's doable for anyone



• it's a choice to be comfortable/uncomfortable about Anything

When I struggle, in the now, with finding my way to choose happiness, I remember that. That inspiration helps me to break the dam of patterned thinking. Creativity opens, and my answer to the left eye of my great-nanny becomes "You always can."

From Bears: There is no past!

There is no past! Yes, there are historical events and memories - but whenever we focus on them, they exist in the present. Thus, we are always in the present when we think about the past. What does this mean? If we're in the present, we can then think differently about our past and thinking differently can totally change it's impact on us...if the past is present, we can fix it much easier.

Also, we can never be stuck in the past we're "sticking ourselves" in the present to think about the past. If it's all happening now, then it's much easier to change - recast and re-frame. All unhappiness is about regrets regarding the past or worries to the future. Happiness happens now, in this moment. We can keep changing our past and its meaning by choosing to re frame it right now...right now! Love, Bears

Unhappiness chosen by others

Thought about unhappiness chosen by others: If someone I love chooses to get unhappy and I get unhappy about their unhappiness, we now have two unhappy people in the room. Since I am free to choose my feelings and others are free to choose theirs, then my business is about my happiness or unhappiness and their business is about their happiness or unhappiness. What we can do is love them, NOT join them.

Bears

Comments:

Joan G. - WOW....just the subject I was discussing with my son last night...thank you

Brian E. - Mmmm, thanks for the reminder...deep love and gratitude, Brian

Holly B. S. - Another lovely insight to read at the beginning of my day. THANKS!

Simone D. L. T. - There's such a huge belief in my latin culture that you don't care about people if you don't join them in their unhappiness. In a Brazilian Son-Rise Yahoo group I was once acused of being cold, heartless and rude when I was helping a Mom with questions, at her own request, not being a victim, helping her to be grateful for the challenges in her life. The same thing has happened here on Facebook with people unfamiliar to the Option process.

Sean F. - Bears you told me this 15 years ago in the 'hug line' after a HOW class. And it is still a conversation I think about when choosing to be happy when someone else might think it appropriate for me to be unhappy 'for them' Thanks for taking that moment!

Angela Z. - It's so easy to join them in their unhappiness but also in their happiness. But taking a step back, looking at what you're doing and desciding to step into your own business and choose your own happiness. That's what I want to do and choose to do. Thank you Bears.

Neal E. - Thank you. Have an Awesome Day! Keep in touch...

Melinda C. - Bears, when I read your comment last night...I had just chosen unhappiness and I was letting myself wallow in it. I was pittiful, then your words filled my head and I thought "Wow, I don't have to be unhappy do I?" I knew I could choose, but I needed that reminder. I choose to make the last few moments of my night sweet instead of sour. Thank you again!

Karen H. - Yep. Thank you so much. I activlely was able to CHOOSE NOT to join someone in their inhappiness (mmm INhappiness typos are so special sometimes) I'm going to enjoy my INhappy today). It IS simple it IS easy you just have to remember to make it BIG that thing called happiness... own your own happiness learn from the "take away" pull it in... fill it up and let it back out all special and perfect. Much Love, and thank you again - this afternoon is going to be so especialy different....

Alison S. T. - I think that if we choose unhappiness because someone around us is unhappy, it means in some way we are still buying in to the stimulus response model, because we are believing that in some way other people will change the way they are behaving because of us, e.g. our unhappiness demonstrates our caring and so can 'make' another person feel better. However, if we really get that other people are responsible for their behaviour in the same way that we are responsible for ours then it frees us to choose happiness regardless of the choices around us. This realisation has been really useful this afternoon, when a few people chose unhappiness around me. I am still happy : )

From Bears - The "truth"

A compelling phenomenon: the "truth." The problem with the truth is that it appears to be a moving target -- a perception ingested through our belief filters. Thus, from each person's vantage point there is a formulated viewpoint. That's fascinating. The glitch is when we call our viewpoint the "truth," we enter the realm of self-righteousness (we're right, you're wrong). It's about how we show up.

What would happen if it's not about who is ever right or wrong (that's just a make belief created by the believer), but it's all about our purposes and our principles and how we deliver in accordance to them. Thus, we'd never need to scold... or condemn (or be unhappy about what others do or don't do) -- but love and take whatever action we thought made sense to us. No right. No wrong. Just about how people choose to show up -- or don't. One student last week got very angry because he thought he knew the truth...hummm. Seems like truth didn't deliver joy or love for him because it's not about truth (that moving, make-believe target). It's about choosing happiness irregardless of what we think we know (or don't know). Possible alternatives: which is more important -- to be "right" and angry or to be happy? Love, Bears

Comments:

Toni L. T. - like your books title says...Happiness Is A Choice....we forgot that and expect others to make us happy! I love to read your posts! Thanks so much!

Sherri L. D. - My answer: To be happy and to never stop exploring the opportunities that await us each day of our lives. The "truth" can often get in the way of what we truly WANT, even destroy relationships, and cause hardships. I want to be happy and treasure every moment that I have with my beautiful children, loving husband, devoted mother, and dear friends.

Paula Ann S. - There is no such word as" irregardless"...

Pessy G. - So interesting Bears. I struggled with this concept during Radical Authenticity. I believe there's a distinct difference between belief and truth. The difference to me is that truth is constant, never changing, as in G-d's word. Beliefs are subject to change based on how we perceive things.

Jeannie R. - In the past, I spent a lot of time in my life being "right" and angry. Now, 1000%, I totally prefer happiness!!! It feels great, and is amazingly easy--simply a choice.

Shaun K. - then any belief would be a form of self righteousness, provided a belief is something one holds to be "true" no? (i would agree) belief biˈlēf noun 1 an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists : his belief in God a belief that solitude nourishes creativity. • something one accepts as true or real; a firmly held opinion or conviction : c.ontrary to popular belief, Aramaic is a living language we're prepared to fight for our beliefs

Paula Ann S.- I will always remember in our 8 week when you said "the truth shall set you free and yet there is no truth"....which is all about finding the middle way. Looking in the place between right & wrong, good & bad, happy & unhappy and accepting what you find there. That is what the Buddha called bliss

Alison S. T. - Oh Bears, how often have I let the desire to be "right" seriously blunt my purpose. How much of my life's energy has been spent on trying to pick the "right" action in order to get the desired reaction from other people. This is just exquistite: if there is no right or wrong then there is no judgement, and in it’s place – sweet freedom. Freedom to dance to the rhythm of my own drum beat. Freedom to make up that rhythm in any way I choose. So I am going to choose to show up with passion and greater clarity for my purpose. This rocks!! Much love and grateful smiles.

Winden R. - Amy Cow and I JUST talked about this concept this morning. The truth...it is about as real as make believes...

From Bears: Purpose of Judgments

The purpose of judgments: to motivate, to make our position stronger, to create unhappiness. During a Wide Awake program at The Option Institute, our class explored that judgments of ourselves is our way to not deal with our unhappiness and to not change. Because what we judge, we push away...and what we accept we also befriend and give ourselves an opportunity to understand and change. Love & smiles, Bears

Comments:

Trish H. - Judgement as a way NOT to change! Wow! I bet the common belief is that judging ourselves is meant to motive us to change. At least, my gut tells me that was my belief.

BradandLaura H. - what a perfectly timed statement. Thank you Bears for sharing that xxx

Lynn R.P. - Yes, I have used judgment of myself for decades as a way to not deal with unhappiness and not to change. I've said I wanted to change but always had a reason not to. Still exploring this concept and choosing to run towards my unhappiness and judgments.

Judy B. - Wow, Oooh! Fits with a lot of what I've been exploring about. So helpful to notice the judgements.

Ray R. - Optimal Self-Trust tought me to observe and not judge, even myself,big for me!

Winden R. - Whoever said that is one SMART cookie! xoxo

Shaun K.- judgment ˈjəjmənt ˈdʒədʒmənt ˈdʒʌdʒm(ə)nt (also judgement) noun 1 the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions : an error of judgment that is not, in my judgment, the end of the matter.

Peter Alfred V. L. - The world is so interesting. It seems like we either attract or reject, expand or schrink, progress or regress and a milion other things of duality. Imagine if the attutude and judgements is just another form of the duality, then we can know that we somehow attract, expand or progress when we are in the attitude and reject, schrink or regress when we judge...That would make things a lot easier. Thanks for the insight, guys :-) Love and light - Ethan ♥

Larry F. - Today, I learned that by flipping this statement around - to be in a happy and joyful place regardless of the experience that is happening in the moment - puts me in a place to be able to change anything and everything. It is ...my path to true freedom... Today was the best day of my life, as I got to experience this freedom first hand - staying in my loving and joyful state regardless of what others were saying about me or how they were perceiving me. I accomplished my biggest goal - and passed my greatest test - with flying colors!!! Thanks to all those who judged me today! That was the most loving thing you could ever have done. I am now free to change whatever I choose.... YESSSS!!!!

Pessy G. - I hold a belief that "happiness breaks boundaries". It's wonderful to read everything that is being shared. Thanks to you all! Although I don't know you in person, I know you in spirit, and I am truly grateful to share our world together. Can't wait until Fearless! YES!!!

Paula Ann S. - The hilarious challenge is not judging yourself for judging in the first place....the vicious cycle.....haaaaaa

Alison S. T. - Dear Bears, how did you know I would want to hear about judgements today. I am feeling judged - which of course means that I am hearing someone elses comment and then judging myself. So in keeping with the theme of this week, I am going to love that I am someone who judges herself and then try to find out what it is that I am trying to not deal with and change. Thanks for the extra love!!!

Karenza C. - my goodness, i was just washing my dishes thinking about judgements and thinking how wonderful it would be to accept myself as i am!!! thank you bears xxxx

Donna V. A. - My AHA moment of the day! Thank you.

Julie A. - i needed to hear that.

Denise S. - Wow..so amazing to hear to really help ourselves be self-aware, then to not judge ourselves or others, which is something I have been really struggling with lately..now for the self-understanding phase I'm ready to jump in & figure it out!! I love that concept of it motivates us, now to figure out why it seems to motivate us not to change??

Bears Barry Neil Kaufman - Blown away and delighted by the people who responded and contributed their insights to the posting of "purpose of judgments." I am very enriched and nourish by all your sharing. What we teach at The Option Institute and through the books I have written forms the basis of ideas that not only train folks how to choose happiness and love but also provides one possible formula (acceptance, dropping judgments) that could meaningful enhance inner peace, interpersonal peace, world peace. Isn't it great to think and dream big? We only can go as high and as wide as our biggest thoughts. Think big, dream big, act as if what we dream is possible. Then the world adjusts to our presence and begins to change. Love and gratitude, Bears

Setting Up What You Want

FROM DAVID:

Did you see that documentary film called "What the BLEEP Do We Know!?"? One of its featured speakers spoke about "creating his day". Basically, he would think about what he wanted for that particular day. He felt this was, somehow, constructing a course for short-term future events. His experience often surprised him by conforming in completely unforeseen ways, to his visioning of the day to come. Neat! Right? Do you believe that we provide input into the experiences that unfold as we step into them?

Not long ago, my sister introduced me to "affirmations". They sounded nice, sweet, but I didn't really get what they were about. Then, in the heat of a speedy iTunes purchase, I accidentally bought an affirmations album by Deepak Chopra, thinking it was actually meditation music. Nonetheless, a happy accident! Once I listened to a few of the affirmations, I understood better what my sister liked about them - it seems like a way of creating one's day. A means of setting intention aligned with what we want, with our purpose. It's amazing how in the context of a busy life, it's easy to completely forget one's purpose, or to go for what we want for ourselves.

The Option Institute teaches a philosophy called The Option Process^® which Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman) has briefly defined as "happy existentialism". Before being introduced to it, I had no idea that philosophy could be so practical, life-changing, and useful! It has helped me to explore my purpose in the major areas of my life (in my marriage, as a father, etc.). In the often hectic day-to-day, though, I sometimes stray from these purposes simply because they aren't at the forefront of my mind.

Holding what we want in our minds, cycling it through the foreground of our thoughts regularly, and believing that it is absolutely possible to achieve what we passionately want - is that enough to swim straight when the current turns into us? Sometimes we seem to float down our path. Other times, not quite a floating thing. Still, whatever we are faced with, we can choose to move to make our goals and dreams happen, regardless of how we may be judged by others.

Taking a moment to revisit my purpose(s) and/or how I want to change how I am in the world is grounding - it resets my course. So, a practice of "day creation" has grown from those moments of self-reflection. As I drift toward sleep at night, I visualize something like an imagined group of internal project managers that have experience in the metaphysical (or quanta). It's like a strategy meeting to lay out the specs of my biggest wants. For example, I might make a plan coming out of some self-studentship, "I will have the presence to remain non-judgmental tomorrow, more successfully than I did today." While planning, I am conscious, as I am with Eidan in his Son-Rise Program, of whether my request is crafted to set me up for success. I don't concern myself with the "how" because my project managers have that part covered. When I roll out of bed in the morning, I recall the notes from the last night's "meeting". This little ritual helps me to stay on track with myself, by creating a reference point for making choices during the day.


Throw what works for you in setting up what you want into a comment below or on Facebook! Spread the love!

Got the 'Tude?

FROM DAVID:

"Happiness does not lie in happiness,
but in the achievement of it."
- Fyodor Dostoevsky

Simple concepts can take time to assimilate, to put into practice. Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman), with the "shortcuts to happiness" in Happiness is a Choice, made it easy for us to choose to choose happiness (or not). That doesn't mean that once happiness is what we want to choose, a funny kind of "zoop" sound happens and we're good to go. Necessarily, right? I'm not going to say it's not possible to instantly switch to happiness. It probably is! If you are an Instant Happiness Elite member, you can happily click away now if you want :)

Since you and I are not one of them, and choosing happiness day-to-day is a process, and we could use some reps... let's take a few minutes to do the 'tude. The attitude of gratitude. You know, for some people, the gratitudinus maximus (muscle of gratitude) gets very little flexing. Like maybe anually, at Thanksgiving. Sounds about right for the artist formerly known as me. So let's GO! Let's rip it! Are you ready???

Great! Write/think/say a few things you're simply grateful for - and let your creativity take over. Get it flowing! When you finish this next sentence, close your laptop, turn off your monitor, or put that device down and come back when you're done.

Nicely done :) Now that you've got the 'tude, I'm gonna give you some of my 'tude, and maybe you will glow with tudeliness! Here goes, random things (not in order of importance) I'm feeling grateful for:

• The opportunity to write this blog, which I committed to after my last program at The Option Institute, to stay rooted in the Option Process and Option philosophy. I love this time that I use to explore, or get inspired, with the intention of loving and sharing with you, whether I know you or not. I believe that, in a myriad of ways, we are all looking to create more love in our lives. No reason to hide our love.
  
• Flowing with my family. I am in awe of how the four of us move through life like the voices of a fugue - distinct, yet beautifully engineered for togetherness.
• The Son-Rise Program and everything it represents to me. The attitude. The techniques. The fun! The connection I now feel with both of my sons. With my wife. With me. I could go on for quite a while with this one! I'll come back to it when I feel I'm losing the attitude.
  
• Water. Wow! Nature in general!
  
• Existence. It's always awesome to meditate on the question, "What's happening?" Seriously, what's happening?!!
  

Woohoo!! Once the gratitude it's flowing, it's fabulous. But it gets even better when you express it. So, you've got the 'tude?! Share it!!

A Play for One for One to Play

FROM DAVID:

Disclaimer: this post contains mild techno-babble.

One morning last week, I read Anticipating What We Don't Want - another great post from amazing Kate on the Son-Rise Program blog. From there, I considered my own buttons and where Kate's bonbon of wisdom applied in my life. When and where in the day-to-day do I tend to anticipate that something that I don't want to happen will inevitably happen?

A good example of how I do this comes from my work. It's called ConnectWise (CW). CW is an "IT automation system" into which those of us that want to get paid are required to enter each task we execute and the time it took to do it. I usually complete 5-8 things a day. So, each week, that's 30-some entries. Not so much to do. But when I see that little CW icon on my screen, my heart beats faster and my stomach muscles contract. I decide to avoid it and work on something else. "I'll catch up later, after I've finished a few things.", I tell myself. What I'm doing, obviously, is procrastinating.

The reason I want to enter my time, you know, some other time is that I developed a distaste for timesheets because I got so busy for around a month that I didn't have time to enter my time, until the end of the month. I am a Son-Rise Program dad, and I don't like to lose my playroom time with Eidan to my work. Anyway, at the end of the month, that's more like 120 time entries to fill in through a process to which I haven't yet found the "funnerer" side. Click. Page load. Click. Page refresh. Click. Enter number of hours. Tab...

OK, but what if I just enter my time as I go? Open time entry. Do work. Enter time. Close time entry. Next. That's doable, right? Sure! But inside, I'm thinking that the simple act of opening CW is, without a doubt, leading me into a laborious process. And then, magically, I get a feeling akin to "oooooh. a mocha would be nice", except it's "ooooooh. i can just skip this one. or two." and bam! I've created the exact thing I wanted to avoid - 120 entries to fill in.

Rather than "procrastination", I'm going to call this "Creating What I Don't Want For Myself". And doesn't CWIDWFM (say "quidwiffum") come in other flavors? I love looking at it as CWIDWFM because of the beautiful nugget of ownership in its gooey core. It reveals that I'm staging a fun little drama for myself - a play for one for one to play.

For the beautiful reason that it's a loving thing to do for myself, as I sit down to my desk tomorrow morning and see that CWIDWFM icon, I'm going to run my mouse towards it and celebrate my every Click.

Where are your beliefs taking you?

From Bears Barry Neil Kaufman: WHERE ARE YOUR BELIEFS TAKING YOU? Heaven bound? Or off the unhappiness cliff? Every belief has a destination. "The world is a scary place" leads me to frame what I see with fear. "Opportunities abound" leads to me to seek & see possibilities for myself/for those I love. "No one loves me" makes me emotionally homeless. "I love me" keeps me filled and safe. Where are you going with your beliefs????

Alison S. T.
Knowing that my beliefs are all my own creation has been my key learning that I have gained from coming to The Option Institute. Before then I believed that the world was a scary place, but I thought that was a fact - I didn't realise that ...I had just made that up. So knowing that I am totally making it up means that I might as well make it up in a way that is constructive - building towards my happiness. The curious thing is that changing that make up means that I see the same world but with new eyes - now more wondrous and magical than before.

Joan J.-v.
OH MY LORD I LOVE YOU GUYS...XXXX

Avak B.
Thank you Bears...love this post! I learnt many years ago that "beliefs are nothing but a feeling of certainty about what something means" and have developed and adopted empowering beliefs and let go of the disempowering ones for myself which makes me experience happiness daily very easily...most importantly though i know that beliefs can be changed in a heartbeat...:))

Rosemary R. J.
Thank you Bears. Why is it that people need to be reminded to see things from a positive perspective? Kind of like telling someone it takes less muscles to smile than it does to frown. I am one of those people who needs the constant reminder. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

Jenn M.
Good question! :o)

Ronda P.F.
This exact issue has come up several times this week... I've seen questions that lead to fear and unhappiness, and I've noticed the same questions asked without judgement can lead to amazing answers. Often when I'm asking myself a question that leads to fear and unhappiness, it's because I haven't really asked a question. I've made a judgement that happens to have a question mark at the end. Thanks for the reminder, Bears. As always, your tidbits inspire me to think more deeply and clearly...

Augustus D. J. II
wow, what a thread, so true, 'look for the good, find
God's blessing, look for evil, find God's curse'. that's in Proverbs somewhere,

Ariel K.
Soaring in the stratospere Bears!

Happy Day!!

FROM DAVID:

Today, on New Years' Day, people around the globe are resolving to change things for themselves, and maybe even starting to make their resolutions happen! How exciting!! Exciting, because resolutions are commitments we make to ourselves based on what we want. In essence, making resolutions is choosing happiness.

Two of my current commitments to myself (resolutions) are 1) to be aware of when I judge things, particularly my experiences as they unfold and 2) to make decisions towards my happiness.

The second one is basically a resolution to resolve to keep making resolutions :) It takes a belief that many of us share - that happiness is a totally valid and desirable choice - and turning it into more consistent action. What does that mean? With awareness of the fact that we are constantly making choices, I can weigh the options for a decision based on which one is going to be the strongest stepping stone towards my dreams and happiness. Once the choice is made, I do not worry or have regrets because I took my best shot! Even if my choice doesn't lead where I expect. This doesn't mean to be self-indulgent and act without considering others, because that would not be acting with long-term happiness in mind - sometimes, a deathbed perspective can be useful in paring the options down to what we really want.

As for being aware of judging, my greatest source of discomfort comes from judging things as they happen, not just evaluating them. I find myself judging my effectiveness as a parent, at work, even how well I mopped the floor. The more I judge, the less I move into what I want to be: a happy do-er.

Hey, there's nothing that makes a New Years' resolution work better than a resolution made any other day of the year. Whatever your resolutions may be, I'm rooting for you! And I invite you to join me in staying in touch with yourself and what you want, all year long. Happy Every Day of the Year!


If you like making resolutions and seeing how you can take action to change your life for yourself, pick up Happiness is a Choice by Barry "Bears" Neil Kaufman. A beautifully concise and eloquent gem, this book had a huge impact on me and the way I live my life, as it has for many others.

A new belief: I always land on my feet.

I love doing gratitude. Gratitude is certainly one of the quickest pathways to happiness and the path of first choice for me. Recently as I was looking back over my life thru the lens of gratitude, I focused on situations in which I experienced mid-to-strong degrees of unhappiness. I’m talking depression, tears, victim hood, anxiety, rejection, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and self rejection. Yikes ... I almost forgot pain , sorrow, and low self esteem too.

I realized something. I realized that when all was said and done, I was not only fine but actually better because of those experiences. The “better-ness” was in response to what I did with the unhappiness. Whether making it into a beneficial learning for myself or full appreciating that the consequence of the unhappy experience was honoring of myself and who I want to be in the world. To make this awareness even grander, I see that each and every experience of unhappiness I have had, thru the lens of gratitude, becomes useful to me. Also of note, is my greater ability to not judge my experience initially. No judgement means no unhappiness. I am not quite 100% in my fulfillment of my intent not to judge, yet I am further ahead than I was.

From this I’ve created a new belief. A belief of trust, of strength, of ownership, of durability, of self love and one of acceptance. That new belief is that I always land on my feet. No wobble, no out of balance, squarely and smack dab on my feet. So whatever might happen, I know that I will always land on my feet. Yes, a take off on “everything happens for my benefit” with a different expression to it.

FROM BEARS: Thank you...

THANK YOU... to everyone who comes to our programs, who writes to me after you read one of my books & who posts the most delicious, thoughtful & loving notations on my Facebook wall. THANK YOU for all the kindness & tender thoughts/for being part of my extended family. WE HAVE ALL CHANGED BECAUSE WE BELIEVED WE COULD. Love, Bears

HappyRon H.
Thanks for everything bro!

Stephanie C. S.
and thank YOU and your amazing family for your love,generosity,honesty and ability to truly be present.

Diana P. S.
Thank YOU for everything you share with us!

Bernadette G.
And Thank God for you, your family and your ability to share you belief with us. God's blessings on you all x

Colleen F. E.
I CAN'T WAIT to attend my next program...Empower Yourself in May!!! I'm there some days and "wobble" more other days. I can't wait to be rock solid!!!!

Avak Alan B.
HIP HIP HOORAY to everybody!! :))

Vanessa H. H.
We are so excited to come to the Intensive. Just three more days.

Brian M.
Thank you Bears--It has been an incredible year since my February Start-Up, Mary Ellen's June Start-Up, my Calm Amid Chaos, Mary Ellen's New Frontiers and listening to your cd's until some of them wore out. Best of all is Noah's progress with the best yet to come as we'll all be coming for the Intensive in July. Yu guys are going to have so much fun with Noah and Noah with you.

Alison S. T.
THANK YOU BEARS for creating THE OPTION INSTITUTE so that I could come. Coming on programs has been like bringing my little ship into the harbour during a storm so that I could learn to love riding the waves. I love how there are no limits ...on anything - no limits on happiness, or love, or persistence to go after our wants, or the number of people that we can have in our extended family - I'm looking forward to coming home again next year to see you and all the other wonderful people who come there/work there, and learn some more. Love and hugs ♥

Yvette R.
At Neighbourhood Unitariian Universalist Congregation in Toronto the topic of discussion this Sunday Nov. 28 will be - "Happiness Is a Choice" and I will be sharing how finding you and your books in the early 1980's has changed my life. Spreading the word and sharing the magic that is Option !!

Natalie A.
Thanks Bears - you and your amazing family have done so much for my family where others gave up and said my son wouldn't succeed with The Son-Rise Program he is showing us all the Amazing things he can and that never to give up xxx thanks so much xxx

Christine A.
I went with my husband to the conference i'n Salford UK

Elizabeth G. Y.
You know funny you mention that. Your book "Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues" was one of the only books my library had when my son was Dx and from that day and it has been over 4 years I have never stopped believing he could get better. They actually had a few of your books and I was so impressed with your writing that I read them all including the one on death about a month before my father died. While reading it somehow me and my father got into the conversation about him dying and I started to cry. It was if God put the book in my hands and my father knew he was going to die. All of your writing brought me such great comfort. You are truely blessed as a writer and a lovely human. I loved reading your books. Whenever the question comes up as to who I would want to meet if I could meet anyone it is always your family. God Bless

Nancy R.
Dear Bears and Option Family, Thank you for your wonderful classes. I know that I have personal changed as result of your teachings. There isn't a day goes by that I don't shift my thinking/change a belief.There is a new and different person created in me each day.

Alexandra O.
THANK YOU Bears, and Samahria, and Bryn and William and Raun and Kate and Beverly and Clyde and Brian and Jan-Marie and Zoe and all of your amazing team!!!! Love to you all!!!

Satisfaction

FROM LORNA: It’s been two years since my son was diagnosed with Autism. If I would have been asked right then and there if I were satisfied, I would have promptly and emphatically said, “No! No way!” I mean, who is satisfied with that? At the time I was absolutely devastated.

Skip forward two years and that is precisely the question I was asked to ponder. Well, it wasn’t really a question, per se, but a statement. “You must be so satisfied, all the work you’ve done, and the time you’ve put in.”

In all honesty, I was a bit disarmed by the statement. Satisfied. Hmm. What did that mean to me? I had never thought about it quite in that way. Was I satisfied?

My response, in the moment, was to have my eyes tear up a bit and I said, “Yes. Yes, I am.” But the statement has been on my mind ever since. The fact of the matter is, I’ve been “satisfied” the moment I returned from my very first Son-Rise Program® training at The Option Institute.

Yes, my son has made great progress in his socialization. I do love seeing him interact with people. It hasn’t always been that way. However, the moment I finally understood everything about Autism and the moment I began to love and accept him for exactly who he was, I was SATISFIED. More than satisfied. I was crazy about this little boy and I was looking forward to the process of teaching him. I can say with all honesty that even if he never made any so-called “progress,” I would be satisfied. The process of playing with him in his Son-Rise playroom has been satisfaction personified. It’s been fun, and no matter what the outcome, it has irrevocably changed me.

It has taught me that I can be “satisfied” with anything in my life. It’s all in what I believe about it. I believed in so many false “truths” about Autism before I came to that magical place on the mountain. The place where miracles really do happen.

It has reinforced in me the belief that being in the moment is a path to pure bliss. Certainly that has been the case with my beautiful boy and all that he has brought to my life.

But, most importantly, I think, playing with my child the way that I do, has taught me how to love. How to really, REALLY love.

Who wouldn’t be satisfied with that?

Riddikulus!

FROM DAVID:

Harry Potter fans are familiar with the "boggart", a shape-shifting magical creature whose true appearance is never seen, but which seeks one's worst fear and takes its form. If you're a wizard terrified of killer chickens that peck people to death, that's what you would see when a boggart came your way. To get rid of it, you (a competent wizard with a fear of killer chickens) would think of something silly (or sillier) to turn that killer chicken into - like a killer chicken with a taco where its beak should be - and then you'd point your wand at it and say, "Riddikulus!", and voila! you have a taco-beaked chicken to laugh at. And laughter does a boggart in.

For me, a boggart might look like my beloved wife-partner, Jennifer, coming home from Exceptional Woman, looking at me and saying something like, "You're worthless to me. Everything I want gets ruined because of what you do. I want a divorce." I don't believe she would say that, but playing with it, the thought of building something up for so long and then have it crash down around me is overwhelming. If all my efforts were to end up self-destructing, I could come to the conclusion that life will forever suck for me.

It seems that discomfort almost never just vanishes, all by itself. Reflected in this attribute of discomfort, our dreams generally don't come knocking on the door, out of the blue saying, "Hi! I've come true!"

What do we Muggles (non-wizards) do with our "boggarts"? There aren't any functional wands in our Muggle world, that I know of... What if we, for a moment, let go of everything we are perceiving - even our discomfort, be it fear or anger or disappointment? Ahh, but it doesn't just go away. Right! The Option Process® Dialogue to the rescue!

My dream is to love (and to be happy with) all of the time, no matter what - and I'm going for my dream! Hence I'm thinking to conjure up a way of saying "Riddikulus!" for myself. The gift of ease works for me if I haven't gotten in the flow of being uncomfortable. It ain't happenin' once I'm fully feeling fear or anger. OK. So, let's say my boggart is right in front of me. Can I, instead of dwelling in my fear, flip it into a dream? Woah. Huh? Say what???

Even from full steam anger, I can choose to click into my dream of loving / being happy with. Right now, I'm going to love myself. How am I going to love myself? Back to the boggart that looks like Jennifer, I can be useful to myself and ask some clarifying questions, rather than cower in fear. I can trust myself (and a benevolent universe) to make the right moves, rather than "futurize failure". I can choose happiness, instead of plunging into a self-constructed abyss. Later, when I have a chance, I can explore this moment (and its gifts) in an Option Process Dialogue.

More and more, I find that loving myself (even owning that I am a MuggleBlogger) isn't ridiculous.

A Gift of Ease

FROM DAVID:

Fade in to a young boy grabbing a fistful of cat food and bringing it towards his mouth. Turn to see his brother unsheathing that all-too-real toy sword, seemingly preparing himself for an attack of the leather couch. The kitchen's a mess. The phone rings and the dog struts happily in through the dog flap carrying the leg of an unknown animal. Someone's coming over in 5 minutes...

This exact configuration of events is entirely possible in our home. Any one of these, in and of itself, has been known to make me uncomfortable. And how many times can I choose happiness in the space of a single minute? There's not enough time for an Option Process Dialogue. Starting to freak out... What to do?

(Ism. Ism. Ism.)

I've been watching how I give myself comfort, or more often, how I give myself discomfort while intending to comfort myself. With my son, Devin, I sometimes make myself angry about something he's doing and subsequently "give comfort" to myself by yelling at him. Nice, right? Not nice. In fact, totally NOT working for me (or Devin, obviously). So what's a different way to "give comfort" to myself, um, even if I am the creator of my own discomfort? What WOULD work for me?

The Plan
Taking a deep breath has never worked for me. Setting an intention to not be angry never worked, either. Go figure! Asking myself that question, "What can I do in a challenging moment to un-challenge it?", an idea popped up. Samahria ways the word "easy" in a way I love. It evokes images of flowing water and what I imagined when my German professor defined gemütlichkeit. The idea is to give myself a taste of this whenever and wherever, oh, and everywhere. I let go. I close the umbrella of pressure I've opened up in myself. The thing that makes giving myself ease effective is having a reference point for it - a clear memory of what it's like to completely let go in a challenging situation + having the belief that it WILL work for me to just feel comfortable for a second. At first, it was a little jump off of a big cliff. Quickly, it's becoming a reflex, a second to connect to my loving side and turn off my left brain.

What surprised me the first time I did this with Devin, is that I laughed, the easiness continued, and I felt wonderful and explosively loving. And Devin laughed with me, with an air of relief, perhaps sensing the storm having passed.

I'm not hitting the ease button every time, but I love how often I do. My parents often said, "Take it easy" to their friends in parting. To you I say, "Give yourself ease."

RE-IMAGINE/OUR FIRST INCEPTION

BLOG FROM BEARS: RE- IMAGINE/OUR FIRST INCEPTION!

Here we go...an experiment and/or the cusp of an expanding idea of the Option Process and what is possible. Today, a Son-Rise Program Mom and a graduate level student of the Option Process decided to play and join in taking a journey back and then forward in time. We had been working together for several days. This amazing lady challenged old demons and, at the same time, charted new territory for herself in her life. It was about relationships, about family, about giving what we do meaning, about being kind to ourselves and cutting ourselves some slack if we're not happy at times or judgmental at times or even angry and unkind at times. Streaming dialogs in a marathon of dialogs over two days...Samahria and I as the mentors, this daring woman and her husband awesome explorers and relentless self-students of themselves. The evening before we had presented the idea of inception...but a very different kind bouncing off the movie Inception that Samahria and I had seen. This concept would be a flexing and widening of happiness is a choice and encouraging the universe toward possibilities perhaps untapped.

Okay...dreams within in dreams. Worm holes. Parallel universes. And the concept of seeding the past with a new premise and event (all make believe) to birth forward a new evolution of that past and explode it into the present.

We did in the form of a guided meditation/visualization. My explorer went back to a past event with her mom, when she was five years old --scared and greeted with what felt like harshness by a parent. A little girl now confused and alone. A seeming act of unkindness and judgment replaced and visualized now with a loving act by a loving mother toward a frightened child. The explorer smiled broadly as she re-imagined that event -- the warmth in her mother's eyes and arms and the warmth she now created as she visualized herself at 5 years old again (very different from the original experience). Then, I suggested she take herself and her mother two years forward and re-imagine the next event...but coming from the new, re-conceived and relived event she had just "incepted" into her mind and the universe. She realized her and her mom had a new connection with a new result happening...nourishing now for them both. Then I had her move forward another 3 years, then another 5, then as a young adult...then into the present. What this amazing explorer now visualized was a completely revolutionized mother-daughter and mother-daughter relationship as a natural outgrowth of a different path taken.

So, what we then had was two versions of herself and two version of her mom in real time. We could call one set of these people flesh and blood...but the other set, re-imagined. Both real -- one with physical life, one with make-believe life.. Two moms. Two daughters. The re-imagined daughter now even sees the flesh and blood mom differently. This then creates a new opportunity for both. Our explorer, still guided as the meditation/visualization continues, puts a white/yellow light around her newly-visualized mom and fills that light with her love -- and anchors that image so she could bring it forth anytime she want...to express more love, to embody her re-imaged self and mom with more light.

A seeming act of unkindness lived forwarded brought about in 'flesh-and-blood time' more acts of additional unkindness. Yet, when seeding each other with love, love blossomed forth. Which mom will prevail now? Which daughter?

When we created a very special expansion program (Calm Amid Chaos) of the Option Process at the Option Institute, I felt, personally, that I had taken my own learning to the next level. Creating an Intelligrid to organize the apparent chaos. Stimuli re-conceived in a benevolent universe. The cause is in the future (not the past). Change is continuous. Most everyone who has taken that program felt permanently transformed by creating for themselves a new personal vision in which they could create peace-of-mind during the unpredictable winds of change. I am considering this construct of re-imagining with place of a new inception could now precipitate the next generation growth of what we teach.

Stay tuned. We will continue to experiment and perfect further the possibilities in which choice is always in the now but embraces our entire past and can be influential on our future/the future. While we still have breath,, it is never too late. We can not only kiss the ground we walk, but kiss all the ground we once walked in our memories (all memories always exist in the present; thus, accessible for re-recreation or re-imagination).

Tick-Tock...yet all of us have all the time we require for what we would like to do...inception of kindness, inception of love, inception of a re-conceive past which could/would impact the present which defines an evolving future.

Love and smiles, Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman/Option Institute/Son-Rise Program Co-Founder)