Showing posts with label Change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Change. Show all posts

Saturday, August 25, 2012

From Rekha : Safety in tears

Yes you read the title correctly. What does that mean? well here is my experience and that of many others that have shared with me...we (as a population) tend to hold on to sadness/discomforts in situations as we feel safer doing so than to go to a more comfortable space...we hang on to the worst case scenario, the worst prognosis or even create fears now based around possibilitie
s that could or might happen in the future. So why? One of the main reasons is because we are taught to so we believe it is the safe way to travel, and we buy it. There is nothing wrong with doing any of those things however it like most things in life has consequences... stress, anxiety, depression, and the physical manifestations e.g. high blood pressure, heart attacks and science is even now finding strong links with cancer! SO here is a suggestion if you want something different try something different. Trust you being comfortable in that moment is going to serve you...more comfortable people experience clarity and are more productive, better relationships and lower risk of disease. Give it a go what is the worst that can happen? ;)


Rekha Neilson


www.rekhaneilson.co.uk



Monday, July 16, 2012

From Rekha:Getting the best out of your Option Process® dialogue


I have worked with tens may be hundreds of people as an Option Process Mentor-Counsellor over the last few years to help them work through their issues, some solve these in minutes and others want to talk through the same issue session upon session, neither is right or wrong, it is totally that individuals process.
However, if you find yourself wanting to solve issues quickly and not being able to do so, then here are three easy steps to be more effective for yourself in an Option Process dialogue.  These may well help you in your life in general too. So here are some thoughts I want to share with you that I find useful.
  1. Don't try needs an elephant in one go, cut it into pieces.  Many people come to me with history and issues and hear how effective this form of counselling is and then attempt to solve all of these in one session. While it is quite possible to change many beliefs in seconds, many of us have very good reasons why we have these in the first place, so we have a process where we need to look at how these are serving us before we decide to change them.  So trying to solve them all in one go tends to result in the individual feeling overwhelmed, confused and going general.  The power of this process is being specific, so make a list, and work through them one at a time and trust you will, you will be so much faster and more effective!
  2. Embrace and enjoy the experience, many of us hold this belief that to be effective we need to work hard, and then we make working hard mean to judge yourself harshly against a standard we create in our own minds.  Another belief many people carry is that this is going to be a hard and horrible experience.  Have you ever opened up to anyone who judges you harshly? Or really succeeded at something you thing is hard and horrid.  So why give yourself that experience why not believe that this is going to be fun looking at how you operate and everything you look at and everything that you discover will be useful in beautiful.  Working strongly towards your wants is more effective than beating yourself up for achieving your not wants.
  3. Celebrate yourself!  Why not celebrate even the baby step you make forward towards your wants, rather than beat yourself for all the work that you ‘have to do’ or haven’t achieved yet?  When we accept where we are it allows us to understand the reasons for our behaviours and feelings which then allows you to then change.  You will create so much more openness and freedom within yourself by doing this. And it's a really nice experience!!! Give it a go what have you go to loose?

Have fun!
Rekha
Option Process Mentor-Counsellor
www.rekhaneilson.co.uk

Thursday, December 15, 2011

From Rekha: What do you want to think about ‘it’?

I Drove into town this morning to drop both my kids off at school. Rohan my 9 yr old boy with special needs started having a seizure. I was on a road where I was travelling at high speed and couldn’t safely stop to help him. From the back I heard my 7 year old daughter Serena calmly coaching him to breath and celebrating his attempts to focus himself to bring himself out, which he did and eventually sat up in his car seat again. I celebrated Serena and Rohan’s efforts and dropped the children at their schools.
I thought about it later and noticed a smile on my face, I was so in awe of what Serena did for herself and her brother. I thought what an amazing skill she has learnt to be loving and a calming influence in a time when someone else is in need, how lucky she is to have developed these skills at such a tender age. What an amazing ER doctor she would make, I know I would want her to treat me!
Then I thought back to my beliefs a few years back when I was thinking…how awful and terrible for my daughter to be in that situation watching her brother suffer, what a burden I have created, this is bad for her and it could scare her and scar her for life, Rohan must be petrified and I can’t get there to help him, I have failed them both as a mother!
The fun thing is the stimulus is exactly the same, it is my beliefs that have changed and so has my world…

Monday, October 31, 2011

From Rekha: Should you be happy?

I was talking on the phone to a lady a few days ago about the work I do as an Option Process®Mentor-Counsellor, in this conversation she said “…it is selfish to just be seeking happiness, we should be doing god’s work not just walking around being happy…” This prompted me to reflect on what I was doing just a few years ago, when I was very unhappy verses what I do now I am much happier.
In 2005 I picked up a form to apply to Caudwell charity for a place at the Son-Rise® Start Up programme, this was a simple one page form not terribly demanding for someone of my ability to fill in but I didn’t. Why? I hear you ask, the answer is that I felt so hopeless that I didn’t believe we would get funding, it would be a hard struggle, I worried that may be this wouldn’t work for Rohan (our son with special needs), worried at the possibility that I would do it wrong and be rejected, the list went on…basically I was very unhappy. It took me over 18months to stump up the courage to fill that form in!
Last year 2010 I took our local authority to court over Rohan’s education, I ran a full time home schooling (Son-Rise) programme in which I had several team changes, I set up my counselling practice which is now thriving so I am helping so many other people with the skills I have, I remodelled part of the house this was whilst caring for our six year old daughter with my husband working away 3 weeks per month, and no we don’t have any family locally either…and that is not the whole list!. I was so much more effective at supporting my kids/family, my ambition, friends and clients. What changed? Well I believe different things, I fill myself with beliefs that support my comfort, happiness…yes I am totally selfish and I love it and I would like to believe that god likes my work!
Rekha.
Option Process Mentor-Counsellor, Son Rise Mum.
www.rekhaneilson.co.uk

Friday, April 8, 2011

From Bears: There is no past!

There is no past! Yes, there are historical events and memories - but whenever we focus on them, they exist in the present. Thus, we are always in the present when we think about the past. What does this mean? If we're in the present, we can then think differently about our past and thinking differently can totally change it's impact on us...if the past is present, we can fix it much easier.


Also, we can never be stuck in the past we're "sticking ourselves" in the present to think about the past. If it's all happening now, then it's much easier to change - recast and re-frame. All unhappiness is about regrets regarding the past or worries to the future. Happiness happens now, in this moment. We can keep changing our past and its meaning by choosing to re frame it right now...right now! Love, Bears

Monday, February 21, 2011

Setting Up What You Want

FROM DAVID:

Did you see that documentary film called "What the BLEEP Do We Know!?"? One of its featured speakers spoke about "creating his day". Basically, he would think about what he wanted for that particular day. He felt this was, somehow, constructing a course for short-term future events. His experience often surprised him by conforming in completely unforeseen ways, to his visioning of the day to come. Neat! Right? Do you believe that we provide input into the experiences that unfold as we step into them?

Not long ago, my sister introduced me to "affirmations". They sounded nice, sweet, but I didn't really get what they were about. Then, in the heat of a speedy iTunes purchase, I accidentally bought an affirmations album by Deepak Chopra, thinking it was actually meditation music. Nonetheless, a happy accident! Once I listened to a few of the affirmations, I understood better what my sister liked about them - it seems like a way of creating one's day. A means of setting intention aligned with what we want, with our purpose. It's amazing how in the context of a busy life, it's easy to completely forget one's purpose, or to go for what we want for ourselves.

The Option Institute teaches a philosophy called The Option Process® which Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman) has briefly defined as "happy existentialism". Before being introduced to it, I had no idea that philosophy could be so practical, life-changing, and useful! It has helped me to explore my purpose in the major areas of my life (in my marriage, as a father, etc.). In the often hectic day-to-day, though, I sometimes stray from these purposes simply because they aren't at the forefront of my mind.

Holding what we want in our minds, cycling it through the foreground of our thoughts regularly, and believing that it is absolutely possible to achieve what we passionately want - is that enough to swim straight when the current turns into us? Sometimes we seem to float down our path. Other times, not quite a floating thing. Still, whatever we are faced with, we can choose to move to make our goals and dreams happen, regardless of how we may be judged by others.

Taking a moment to revisit my purpose(s) and/or how I want to change how I am in the world is grounding - it resets my course. So, a practice of "day creation" has grown from those moments of self-reflection. As I drift toward sleep at night, I visualize something like an imagined group of internal project managers that have experience in the metaphysical (or quanta). It's like a strategy meeting to lay out the specs of my biggest wants. For example, I might make a plan coming out of some self-studentship, "I will have the presence to remain non-judgmental tomorrow, more successfully than I did today." While planning, I am conscious, as I am with Eidan in his Son-Rise Program, of whether my request is crafted to set me up for success. I don't concern myself with the "how" because my project managers have that part covered. When I roll out of bed in the morning, I recall the notes from the last night's "meeting". This little ritual helps me to stay on track with myself, by creating a reference point for making choices during the day.


Throw what works for you in setting up what you want into a comment below or on Facebook! Spread the love!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Samahria's favorite resolutions for 2011...and always!



SAMAHRIA'S FAVORITE RESOLUTIONS FOR 2011 … AND ALWAYS!




  • Make believe I'm wonderful the way I am … rather than making believe I'm not enough or not okay … even if others don't agree. (And keep making believe until there's no space for doubt!)




  • Gift myself with a loving feeling before I've achieved what I want (instead of waiting till the end or till I think I'm successful).




  • Make every thought into a benefit for myself (e.g. "Ouch! I just cut my finger, and I can use this as an opportunity to be present while I'm cutting … and all the time." OR "Oh, I didn't get what I wanted here. There must be something even better for me in the wings." OR "This person doesn't want to be a friend of mine. Glad to know that, so I can find people to be around that appreciate me."




  • Verbalize my thoughts and opinions with love, (and without fear of others' judgments).




  • Do and give from a place of knowing that it's what I want to do – for myself!




  • See the "funny" in everything (and grow my laughter power).




  • Be open to seeing all of me – because every part is good and there to help me.




  • I am always being supported by the Universe. I just have to trust it.




[Note: For me, "Resolutions" are MEANINGFUL INTENTIONS and EXCITING ACTIONS to take … not have-to's, which are pressures to perform; and then if I don't, I've failed.]

This is a practice and dedication to feeling good about myself and to feeling loving of others, no matter what they do. This is how I want to live and breathe. I may go to other places in myself at times, but I'm allowed, and that doesn't mean bad things about me.



My mantra will remain: "Nothing is more important than my happiness!", which leads to loving.

With BIG LOVE,
Samahria

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy Day!!

FROM DAVID:

Today, on New Years' Day, people around the globe are resolving to change things for themselves, and maybe even starting to make their resolutions happen! How exciting!! Exciting, because resolutions are commitments we make to ourselves based on what we want. In essence, making resolutions is choosing happiness.

Two of my current commitments to myself (resolutions) are 1) to be aware of when I judge things, particularly my experiences as they unfold and 2) to make decisions towards my happiness.

The second one is basically a resolution to resolve to keep making resolutions :) It takes a belief that many of us share - that happiness is a totally valid and desirable choice - and turning it into more consistent action. What does that mean? With awareness of the fact that we are constantly making choices, I can weigh the options for a decision based on which one is going to be the strongest stepping stone towards my dreams and happiness. Once the choice is made, I do not worry or have regrets because I took my best shot! Even if my choice doesn't lead where I expect. This doesn't mean to be self-indulgent and act without considering others, because that would not be acting with long-term happiness in mind - sometimes, a deathbed perspective can be useful in paring the options down to what we really want.

As for being aware of judging, my greatest source of discomfort comes from judging things as they happen, not just evaluating them. I find myself judging my effectiveness as a parent, at work, even how well I mopped the floor. The more I judge, the less I move into what I want to be: a happy do-er.

Hey, there's nothing that makes a New Years' resolution work better than a resolution made any other day of the year. Whatever your resolutions may be, I'm rooting for you! And I invite you to join me in staying in touch with yourself and what you want, all year long. Happy Every Day of the Year!


If you like making resolutions and seeing how you can take action to change your life for yourself, pick up Happiness is a Choice by Barry "Bears" Neil Kaufman. A beautifully concise and eloquent gem, this book had a huge impact on me and the way I live my life, as it has for many others.

Monday, November 29, 2010

I better get going because I'm going to die!

From River Abel:



Roger Housden wrote in SEVEN SINS FOR A LIFE WORTH LIVING the following: “In Japan there is an entire worldview that appreciates the value of the imperfect, unfinished, and faulty. Wabi Sabi is the aesthetic view that sees beauty in the modest and humble, the irregular and earthy. It holds that beauty comes with the patina of age and in the changes that come with use. It lies in the cracks, the worn spots; in the green corrosion of bronze, the pattern of moss on a stone. The Japanese take pleasure in mistakes and imperfections.


Day by day, tiny specks of us float away. No matter which exercise or diet regimen we follow, no matter which self-help guru we believe in, nothing will dispel the reality that we are not built to last. Death is our supreme limitation, the final proof that perfection was never meant to be part of the human experience. A hundred years from now, all new people. Sooner rather than later, we shall not be here: no eyes, no nose, no ears, no tongue, no mind; no you or me—gone.


Yet knowing the extent of our limitation, feeling our soon-not-to-be-here-ness in our bones, is the best condition we can have for waking up to the miracle that we are here now at all. And if you think about it, that is the brilliance of the human design plan: The built-in “defect” is the very thing that can spur us to drink down the full draught as it comes to us. Better to taste it now, this life that we have, than to defer it to some future that may never come.”




I came across this as I was flipping through that book to help narrow down my blog topic. Contemplating my death was pretty much low on my proverbial list of things to do. I had too much unhappiness to do in past and boy oh boy, did I do it well ! Whining, moaning, finger pointing, yelling, crying, disengaging, over eating, not exercising ... blah, blah, blah ... I did a great deal of drama for years over my prior employer treatment of me. Yet I had been afraid to leave out of fear. This past spring I left as an easy decision which was rooted in the question “what do I want ?”. I wanted to leave. Period. Finally, and with great gratitude for my tenacity looking at this topic, I left after almost 28 years of employment. Months later, I continue to be comfortable and confident over this decision. No regrets. I look forward.


I have accessed my self love again and turned that up and am rockin’ with it. My desires and wants are running rampant rather than being squashed by my unhappiness. It feels wonderful to be wanting again. I see my wanting as a direct and profound connection with my level of happiness. The happier I am, the more I want. While tangible items area a small part of my wantings, they are focused more on experiences I want to have, connections with others I want to create, fears and walls I want to explore and change, a new business I’ve started and am moving towards making very successful, friends I want to see and invest in deeper relationships, travel, likely move out of the area, etc. A fun thing I want to do is to take tap dance lessons again! I’ve got a call into the dance studio that I took lessons starting when I was 8 years old as I still know the family that runs the place. Hear that ?... The music is starting ... 5, 6, 7, 8 ... I’m becoming a voracious wanter now and am tapping my way towards them !


What’s my connection with wanting and death? I just got it today. A close friend for years has shared with me that he contemplates his own death every day. Bears has mentioned “ momento morte” in a handful of programs I’ve taken. Oh ... “momento morte” ...means “remember you will die”. This was a common greeting amongst a group of monks in Italy centuries ago. Today I recognized that I got a great deal of wantings I want and I am sure I will create others too. As another friend told me “when you’re dead, you’re dead for a very long time”. I want so much. My time is limited.


As the quote above states so well“The built in "defect" ( death) is the very thing that can spur us to drink down the full draught as it comes to us. Better to taste now, this life we have, than to defer it to some future that may never come”. So raise your glass with mine and let us all go for our wantings as we're going to die!



Saturday, November 13, 2010

That's Just How It Is, Daddy.

FROM DAVID:

My recently-turned-5-year-old son, Devin, was sick this week. One day, he had just lost his voice, felt chilled, had the sniffles. We got cozy together with some tea in front of the computer for an episode of Dora the Explorer, I responded to one of Dora's questions to the viewer. "Map!", I said.

"Say it louder!", said Dora's monkey friend.
"MAP!", I said, louder.
"You don't have to say that, Daddy.", Devin says.
"Why not?", I asked, curious about the answer.
"It doesn't work.", said Devin.
"You mean, they don't hear me? Why do they ask, then?", I played.
"Well, they're just acting."
"Oh."
"Yeah. That's just how it is, Daddy."

Ha! So simple and straight up! "That's just how it is" could be seen as another way of saying that it's not effective to try to change something (the stimulus) when we're uncomfortable with it. But having heard Devin recently respond to a TV-initiated question, I was a little surprised by his clarity and awareness -- until I thought about it. Dev chooses to play along, in order to have more fun. It's not about intentionally deceiving himself -- it's about making the most of the present situation in a positive way: Devin's way.

The obstacle in choosing happiness is often in DOING IT, particularly with things (stimuli) that, historically, we might pump up into what feel like Weapons of Mass Discomfort. It is with these stimuli that it is so useful to be crystal clear that "that's just how it is" and that the thing to change isn't everything else, but me. For me, there can be no internal debate, since that distracts from the issue at hand until it gets pushed to the background, forgotten.

I love The Option Process for disengaging my initial instinct to fight: to challenge the challenge. To go with that instinct is to follow myself into a losing battle. As a performer, I used to visualize myself playing the violin as if I were a shadow of myself hovering by the ceiling at the back of the room, concert hall, or whatever the venue was. From there, I could get a clear read on what I sounded like, looked like, as an observer. That's what a self-dialogue feels like: detaching from myself and observing - not to be critical, but to be helpful. With that distance, objectivity becomes a possibility. Like Diane Fossey among a group of gorillas, any of us can come to solve mysteries of how we behave as individuals and with others. Finding these answers about ourselves forms the basis of an attainable superpower - THE POWER TO CHANGE OURSELVES INTO WHO WE WANT TO BE!

So, next time you or I start to fight or flee a challenge (or talk ourselves out of doing an Option Process Dialogue) we might just choose to remember that the challenge at hand is "just how it is", and that it is an opportunity to give the gift of the Option Process to ourselves. Wahooo!!!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

RE-IMAGINE/OUR FIRST INCEPTION

BLOG FROM BEARS: RE- IMAGINE/OUR FIRST INCEPTION!

Here we go...an experiment and/or the cusp of an expanding idea of the Option Process and what is possible. Today, a Son-Rise Program Mom and a graduate level student of the Option Process decided to play and join in taking a journey back and then forward in time. We had been working together for several days. This amazing lady challenged old demons and, at the same time, charted new territory for herself in her life. It was about relationships, about family, about giving what we do meaning, about being kind to ourselves and cutting ourselves some slack if we're not happy at times or judgmental at times or even angry and unkind at times. Streaming dialogs in a marathon of dialogs over two days...Samahria and I as the mentors, this daring woman and her husband awesome explorers and relentless self-students of themselves. The evening before we had presented the idea of inception...but a very different kind bouncing off the movie Inception that Samahria and I had seen. This concept would be a flexing and widening of happiness is a choice and encouraging the universe toward possibilities perhaps untapped.

Okay...dreams within in dreams. Worm holes. Parallel universes. And the concept of seeding the past with a new premise and event (all make believe) to birth forward a new evolution of that past and explode it into the present.

We did in the form of a guided meditation/visualization. My explorer went back to a past event with her mom, when she was five years old --scared and greeted with what felt like harshness by a parent. A little girl now confused and alone. A seeming act of unkindness and judgment replaced and visualized now with a loving act by a loving mother toward a frightened child. The explorer smiled broadly as she re-imagined that event -- the warmth in her mother's eyes and arms and the warmth she now created as she visualized herself at 5 years old again (very different from the original experience). Then, I suggested she take herself and her mother two years forward and re-imagine the next event...but coming from the new, re-conceived and relived event she had just "incepted" into her mind and the universe. She realized her and her mom had a new connection with a new result happening...nourishing now for them both. Then I had her move forward another 3 years, then another 5, then as a young adult...then into the present. What this amazing explorer now visualized was a completely revolutionized mother-daughter and mother-daughter relationship as a natural outgrowth of a different path taken.

So, what we then had was two versions of herself and two version of her mom in real time. We could call one set of these people flesh and blood...but the other set, re-imagined. Both real -- one with physical life, one with make-believe life.. Two moms. Two daughters. The re-imagined daughter now even sees the flesh and blood mom differently. This then creates a new opportunity for both. Our explorer, still guided as the meditation/visualization continues, puts a white/yellow light around her newly-visualized mom and fills that light with her love -- and anchors that image so she could bring it forth anytime she want...to express more love, to embody her re-imaged self and mom with more light.

A seeming act of unkindness lived forwarded brought about in 'flesh-and-blood time' more acts of additional unkindness. Yet, when seeding each other with love, love blossomed forth. Which mom will prevail now? Which daughter?

When we created a very special expansion program (Calm Amid Chaos) of the Option Process at the Option Institute, I felt, personally, that I had taken my own learning to the next level. Creating an Intelligrid to organize the apparent chaos. Stimuli re-conceived in a benevolent universe. The cause is in the future (not the past). Change is continuous. Most everyone who has taken that program felt permanently transformed by creating for themselves a new personal vision in which they could create peace-of-mind during the unpredictable winds of change. I am considering this construct of re-imagining with place of a new inception could now precipitate the next generation growth of what we teach.

Stay tuned. We will continue to experiment and perfect further the possibilities in which choice is always in the now but embraces our entire past and can be influential on our future/the future. While we still have breath,, it is never too late. We can not only kiss the ground we walk, but kiss all the ground we once walked in our memories (all memories always exist in the present; thus, accessible for re-recreation or re-imagination).

Tick-Tock...yet all of us have all the time we require for what we would like to do...inception of kindness, inception of love, inception of a re-conceive past which could/would impact the present which defines an evolving future.

Love and smiles, Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman/Option Institute/Son-Rise Program Co-Founder)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Dreamer / The Talker / The Doer

FROM BEARS: Everyone grabbed a sign and displayed it on their chests during our morning Extraordinary Man class. Each sign represented their main MAN-BRAND that signified how each man in the room has previously (previous to this program) showed up in their lives. THE FAKER. THE FIXER. THE WIMP. STEADFAST. THE WOMANIZER. THE LOVER. THE CONTROLLER. THE PEACEMAKER. THE PEOPLE-PLEASER. THE CONFUSED ONE. INDECISIVE. THE TEACHER. THE WOBBLER. THE PACK MULE. SENSITIVE ONE.

The purpose of our man-brands -- to identify, then claim ownership and then seek to understand why we choose these positions and posturing as men. Not so much only as men, but as people -- with a specific gender-orientation. Be strong (at least appear strong). Don't show emotion. Anger is okay but not fear (though we're often fearful). We want to love but showing loving gestures could be a sign of weakness. We want to be gentle and tender but we've had little or no guidance or training on how to do this.

We are where we are...the sum total of all the man-beliefs we've learned and then empowered. But we come to understand we can change our beliefs...and thus change our man-brands. We can put aside the fixer and the faker, the controller and the peacemaker and ask ourselves (as we did and will continue to do all week) -- how do we want to be a man going forward?.

Each of us looks inside (no longer looking outside for the answers or approval). It's not about being our father's version of men...or some societal or tribal should. It's about me being me...you being you. It's about new options and new choices and new beliefs. It peeling away the onion of masculinity and getting to the core of what we yearn to be and experience. And then creating (or re-creating) ourselves. We're on our way -- because we're tossing what doesn't work for us and replacing limiting beliefs and visions with new core value and priorities.

One man had the sign this morning -- The Dreamer. Some of us thought that was inspiring. Later I suggested: "It is not the talker or the dreamer who makes a difference in their own lives and in the world; it is the one who goes out and does their talk and does their dream. It's not about the chatter; it's about the doing. We will be known and remembered not so much for what we said but for what we did."

And old Chinese proverb: The people who say it can't be done should get out of the way of the people who are doing it. Change is possible. Radical change is possible -- now. First you have to want it, then believe it's possible, then begin doing it...one step at a time. For almost 28 years, thousands of people have taken such steps at the Option Institute. What a blessing!!!

Love, Bears

Friday, August 13, 2010

Rocking with Exceptional Women

FROM SAMAHRIA:

I want to have this conversation with the women out there. Over the years, I've worked hard to learn the gifts and special characteristics of the woman species, which is not a statement against the male species. They are gifted as well - with their own specialness. But right now, I'm referring to only women - because the Exceptional Woman program is almost here (the week of September 19th) and so I have a heightened awareness of women's issues, as I listen to their fears, judgments and prayers... which are very similar to each other.

Who would we be if we highlighted the most cherished aspects of ourselves (hopefully, we have at least one thing that we love in or about ourselves) - and made those parts really BIG in our minds, while at the same time we unleashed all of those parts we hide and judge... Yes! I mean let them out, let them show, give them a voice we can hear and a face we can look at. The idea would be to be willing to see all of ourselves - and not judge it. When people verbalize what they really think about themselves, it's never the bad they imagined in their minds and suspected would be terrible if others knew. Once it's out there (a belief), then we have the opportunity to drop our judgment about it (even for the moment), embrace it, understand it, put it into a clear perspective, and then finally let it go - and in its place, create a more useful and supportive way of seeing ourselves (a new belief) and that there are choices we can make to better take care of ourselves.

Women are generally taught beliefs encouraging them to place themselves at the bottom of the "to care for" list; otherwise, we are considered selfish or self-absorbed. Essentially, be there for others before being there for ourselves! Hey, it's not working. We feel burnt out, unmotivated, victimized, pressured and turned off. Nobody's gaining from not nurturing ourselves. We can actually be more loving, clearer, happier and more powerful if we took good care of ourselves FIRST, so we can be there, when we choose, to support others.

We really do have the ability to re-create ourselves as the people we most want to be - at ANY age. That's why I created the Exceptional Woman program ... to hold hands with other women who want to stop judging themselves, be supported by other women who understand and want to change as well, and to provide a uniquely safe and loving environment in which each woman can feel comfortable enough to let go of fears and allow their power to be tapped. By learning to trust other aspects of ourselves that are more useful and life-affirming, the judgments with which we've punished ourselves melt away.

Join us to support, express, enhance and delight in ourselves - with other Exceptional women.

Hoping to see you soon - and build ourselves together.
With much love,
Samahria

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Creating Calm Amid "Apparent" Chaos

FROM BEARS (Barry Neil Kaufman):

Can it be done? If we begin at the beginning. Chaos is not about what's "out there" or the events we experience. Chaos is not a fact or observation. It is a descriptive belief that contains, for most of us, an embedded judgment. "My life is chaos." "The economy is chaos." "World affairs are chaotic." What we are saying is that we can't organize and therefore understand what we see or experience in a way that makes sense to us. It doesn't mean that there is no explanation for what is occurring -- it just means we don't have an explanation so we then assume it's random and (here's the judgment) bad for us.

In our program, Calm Amid Chaos (we even have a CD series of this program), we present something we call THE INTELLIGRID -- which is a framework to organize everything...to organize all that we see and experience for easy consumption by us without fear or judgment. C'mon, you might be sighing. Here's why we can do it -- if we don't need to understand everything and we don't need to explain everything but want a way to embrace what the universe delivers to you at your doorstep (love, hate, kindness, illness, broken relationships, loss of a loved one, economic challenges) with a deep sense of peace for all that occurs, then such a thesis could be possible. One essential aspect of the Intelligrid is the principle that experience is not "out there" but what we do inside of ourselves with what is "out there". We are not often in charge of what is happening "out there", but we are in charge of what is happening within. Sooooo...it would be profoundly useful and life-affirming to create a simple, organizing framework for easy digestion inside of what's "out there". So, let's tickle the subject.

We've always been taught that first we have a cause, then we have an effect. Cause & Effect. You kick something and it moves. You turn on the faucet and water pours forth. You flick the light switch and the light comes on. Very simple. Reasonable. Substantiated. Now, let's consider turning that notion on its head and reverse the construct. Instead of the cause preceding the event, suppose, just suppose the cause is in the future (not the past). Suppose the future is actually beckoning to you...and gives you opportunities to learn, grow, change so you can meet it. Personal example: as a young man, I was unhappy so I searched for ways to explain the world, make sense of the world so I can experience more joy and love. Then, after several years, I learn about the power of beliefs and change myself as does Samahria, my wife. We get to understand about judgments and take ownership for what we feel and what we do (all based on the beliefs we adopt and empower). Then suddenly we have a child with autism...Raun. However, if we had never explored and changed, we could never have greeted Raun with ease, love and creativity. It was as if Raun was coming from the future, beckoning us to get ready (and so what we maybe saw as hardships were actually gifts and blessings to change). We helped Raun fully recover through the Son-Rise Program, which we designed just for him...or so we thought. Because actually there was Simon and Kyle and Brandon and Amy and Sarah and Jimmy all in our future, calling to us and Raun -- our work with Raun readied us to be with those other children and help them. Ah, but it doesn't stop here...imagine, all this has happened because in 2018 in a remote village, a little boy will be born with autism and he is calling to us from the future to keep working with children and spreading the word so he can find us.

One component of the Intelligrid (a component we have been discussing and teaching for over three decades) is set into place. There are others that fully construct this grid. It's all make-believe, but it works.

In CALM AMID CHAOS class this morning (WE ALL HAD THE BEST, BEST TIME), after I presented and explored with the group the notion, as part of the Intelligrid, that the cause is other than in the past (smiles), Gerty Handelman concluded (her learning) that "if you want to where you have been (your personal history), look at their body; if you want to know where you're going, look at your thoughts." Ah, one lovely insight (among many expressed today) into the nature of human dynamics and the Option Process Philosophy -- the basics of all we teach at the Option Institute.

Love and caring, Bears (Option Institute Co-Founder)

Friday, February 19, 2010

Change is Continuous

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): Recently in our Calm Amid Chaos program: One Major Thesis of the "Intellgrid" which we designed as an "intelligent" grid through which to view the world (events/people/ourselves) around us is: change is continuous. The stars, mountains, rivers, our bodies, our beliefs -- the universe celebrates itself through change. Resisting change is resisting the celebration. Dive in/do your best and then let go.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Moments

FROM BEARS (Barry Neil Kaufman): We have only this moment, then the next, then the next. Our lives are not like still digital photographs but constantly fluid like fast-moving video. What appears permanent in one moment is gone the next. When we hold on tight to this situation, this relationship, this job, this state of health, when it changes, instead of changing easily with the change (seizing the opportunity of that moment), we tend to hold on tight (for dear life) - and we become brittle and break. Instead of welcoming the new landscape with flexibility and ease, we mourn the past which isn't - any longer - because the next moment, the next situation, the next relationship, the next job, the next new state of health or illness is already here. Raindrops become oceans. Mountains become valleys. Ever- changing is the beauty of our nature, of nature, of the universe around us. Our job is not only to swim in the river but be the river.

Love, Bears

Friday, November 27, 2009

Son-Rise Wide Awake 2009: Wednesday--Change

From Angie Hooper: Sometimes, you just have to get back to the fundamentals. Two remarkable learnings from class today changed the way I see the Option Process. Rather than an emergency response to a crisis, I see now it is a way to live hopefully and as a co-creator of my life.

The first remarkable thing that happened, Barry Neil ("Bears") Kaufman said in class this morning that it's helpful to have an intention to change something when we do Dialogues. That's backwards from how I have been approaching Dialogues. Usually, I spend some time before a Dialogue thinking about the subject that I want to explore. Maybe, it would be more useful to think about the change I want to make. After all, I can uncover almost any belief that I have my looking deeply into a single reaction (like, what I choose for lunch) rather than across an issue (like, why do I feel lonely). Maybe that's why I'm finding so many opportunities to change during this program--I set my intention to change something before I arrived.


The second remarkable thing that happened was thinking about whether I was afraid to "run out" of opportunities to Dialogue. In other words, if I change all my limiting beliefs and how I see things in an unhappy way, then what? I don't get to Dialogue anymore? Bears spoke in class about how I could use the Dialogue as a way to discover how to create more happiness instead of a way to get out from under unhappiness. Rather than exploring why this person's actions or that person's judgment "makes" me unhappy, I could (even now) explore what beliefs I want to create that would help me be a more loving spouse, more fun in Eric's Son-Rise Program playroom, a more present lawyer, how to love more.


The key is for me to remember that (if I'm unhappy) that I'm making myself unhappy, which not only takes away my self-righteousness, but provides the doorway to change.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Chronic Self-Defeating Behavior

"I really don't want to do that any longer."
What do you chronically do that you say you really don't want to do but you just keep doing it over and over? Is there an antidote???
Getting unhappy because you believe you were responsible for someone else's unhappiness
Getting unhappy because you don't get what you want
Getting unhappy to motivate yourself or others
Getting unhappy out of habit
What's going on here? Do you believe you can't change? Do you believe you're not in control of your behavior?

What's the antidote? If you're a student of The Option Institute you know the antidote.
It's called self-studentship. Here, drink this...The Principles of Studentship,
Power Dialogues, pp. 3-5, by Barry Neil Kaufman

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

There is No Past!

FROM BEARS (Barry Neil Kaufman): Today's Thought: There is no past! Yes, there are historical events and memories -- but whenever we focus on them, they exist in the present. Thus, we are always in the present when we think about the past. What does this mean? If we're in the present, we can then think differently about our past and thinking differently can totally change it's impact on us...if the past is present, we can fix it much easier.

Also, we can never be stuck in the past...we're "sticking ourselves" in the present to think about the past. If it's all happening now, then it's much easier to change -- recast and re-frame. All unhappiness is about regrets regarding the past or worries to the future. Happiness happens now, in this moment. We can keep changing our past and its meaning by choosing to reframe it right now...right now.

Love, Bears

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Changing How We Live In The World

FROM BEARS (Option Institute Co-Founder)-- Extraordinary Man/ Empowering Yourself -- Chad reaches out. I reach back. Here we go!

Bears,

From the core of my being, thank you for what you represent in the universe and the impact it has had on my family (global and nuclear) and I.
I had an extraordinary experience this past week, which is still continuing. Through absorbing the experience and principles of the attitude and the process, I have reached a significantly deeper place of authenticity, awareness, and empowerment. It is quite phenomenal how meta-physical my reality is, and the sensation of embracing that in the face of societal norms and popular belief is exquisite.
Although I still have fear and anger to explore, I look forward to walking towards it and creating new possibilities.
I look forward to our continued connection and communication.

Love,

Chad

Bears Barry Neil Kaufman
9:51pm
Dear Chad: What a joy to have you back at the Institute -- your sense of self-studentship and your love of learning was quite a wonder to behold. I am so, so excited that the week had been so extraordinary and useful to use -- hurrah!!! I also appreciate your sweet and gracious words. Next time...don't wait so long until you return. Love, Bears
PS: Just a note, as a way to share what we do and how it impacts others, if you could (if you want) post what you wrote to me on my wall, others can read it -- just somewhere in the post include the name of the EM program at the Option Institute, etc. Again, thanks...yes, we are and will stay connected.

Chad
10:41am
Good Morning Bears,

Thank you for your message and kind words. In further testament of my love for the Institute, I would like to share a quick story with you. Since the time I spent in the extraordinary man program, I have been so keenly aware of my own thought process and my ability to chose my thoughts. Therefore, over the past several days, I have been witness to the universe manifesting my wants and desires in ways that are truly magnificent and beyond all popular explanation. For example, as a result of the Summit Club meeting, I set the intention to participate in the Empowering Yourself program this November. Initially, I had some fear around this want because I did not have the money to put down a deposit. However, through being aware of my fear, owning it, and then choosing to believe in the benevolence of the universe, I let go of the fear and remained in a space of gratitude and excitement. Saturday evening, I was managing an event in DC, a Rooftop Caribbean Party with a Live Band, where we had pre-sold 200 tickets and were expecting a good crowd. Very unexpectedly, a rare event occurred. An additional 60 people showed up who had not pre-registered and paid cash at the door. My percent of the money ended up being exactly what I needed for my deposit that I had promised to have for Zoe by Monday. By opening up the channels for the Universe to provide, it did just that. This is just one of several examples that have occurred in the past several days, and as I continue to engage in self student ship and intentional choice, I have ahhh haaa moment after ahhh haaa moment and the universe quickly follows though with manifestation. This attitude and process are so powerful. Thank you for being my mentor!!!

Love,

Chad

Bears Barry Neil Kaufman
8:17pm
Chad: This is the best...for you, for a trusting the universe (no matter what's presented) and for believing in yourself. Your communications about what you learned in the Extraordinary Man program and your commitment to make it happen so you can attend the Empower Yourself Program (which you will love and will help you take yourself to the next level) takes my breath away. Ten cheers. Ten thousand cheers. As I know you said it was okay previous, I will share this with others as well. I am holding a warm seat for you come Nov. 2nd. when the Empower Yourself program starts.

Love and gratitude, Bears