Got the 'Tude?

FROM DAVID:

"Happiness does not lie in happiness,
but in the achievement of it."
- Fyodor Dostoevsky

Simple concepts can take time to assimilate, to put into practice. Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman), with the "shortcuts to happiness" in Happiness is a Choice, made it easy for us to choose to choose happiness (or not). That doesn't mean that once happiness is what we want to choose, a funny kind of "zoop" sound happens and we're good to go. Necessarily, right? I'm not going to say it's not possible to instantly switch to happiness. It probably is! If you are an Instant Happiness Elite member, you can happily click away now if you want :)

Since you and I are not one of them, and choosing happiness day-to-day is a process, and we could use some reps... let's take a few minutes to do the 'tude. The attitude of gratitude. You know, for some people, the gratitudinus maximus (muscle of gratitude) gets very little flexing. Like maybe anually, at Thanksgiving. Sounds about right for the artist formerly known as me. So let's GO! Let's rip it! Are you ready???

Great! Write/think/say a few things you're simply grateful for - and let your creativity take over. Get it flowing! When you finish this next sentence, close your laptop, turn off your monitor, or put that device down and come back when you're done.

Nicely done :) Now that you've got the 'tude, I'm gonna give you some of my 'tude, and maybe you will glow with tudeliness! Here goes, random things (not in order of importance) I'm feeling grateful for:

• The opportunity to write this blog, which I committed to after my last program at The Option Institute, to stay rooted in the Option Process and Option philosophy. I love this time that I use to explore, or get inspired, with the intention of loving and sharing with you, whether I know you or not. I believe that, in a myriad of ways, we are all looking to create more love in our lives. No reason to hide our love.
  
• Flowing with my family. I am in awe of how the four of us move through life like the voices of a fugue - distinct, yet beautifully engineered for togetherness.
• The Son-Rise Program and everything it represents to me. The attitude. The techniques. The fun! The connection I now feel with both of my sons. With my wife. With me. I could go on for quite a while with this one! I'll come back to it when I feel I'm losing the attitude.
  
• Water. Wow! Nature in general!
  
• Existence. It's always awesome to meditate on the question, "What's happening?" Seriously, what's happening?!!
  

Woohoo!! Once the gratitude it's flowing, it's fabulous. But it gets even better when you express it. So, you've got the 'tude?! Share it!!

A new belief: I always land on my feet.

I love doing gratitude. Gratitude is certainly one of the quickest pathways to happiness and the path of first choice for me. Recently as I was looking back over my life thru the lens of gratitude, I focused on situations in which I experienced mid-to-strong degrees of unhappiness. I’m talking depression, tears, victim hood, anxiety, rejection, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and self rejection. Yikes ... I almost forgot pain , sorrow, and low self esteem too.

I realized something. I realized that when all was said and done, I was not only fine but actually better because of those experiences. The “better-ness” was in response to what I did with the unhappiness. Whether making it into a beneficial learning for myself or full appreciating that the consequence of the unhappy experience was honoring of myself and who I want to be in the world. To make this awareness even grander, I see that each and every experience of unhappiness I have had, thru the lens of gratitude, becomes useful to me. Also of note, is my greater ability to not judge my experience initially. No judgement means no unhappiness. I am not quite 100% in my fulfillment of my intent not to judge, yet I am further ahead than I was.

From this I’ve created a new belief. A belief of trust, of strength, of ownership, of durability, of self love and one of acceptance. That new belief is that I always land on my feet. No wobble, no out of balance, squarely and smack dab on my feet. So whatever might happen, I know that I will always land on my feet. Yes, a take off on “everything happens for my benefit” with a different expression to it.

FROM BEARS: Thank you...

THANK YOU... to everyone who comes to our programs, who writes to me after you read one of my books & who posts the most delicious, thoughtful & loving notations on my Facebook wall. THANK YOU for all the kindness & tender thoughts/for being part of my extended family. WE HAVE ALL CHANGED BECAUSE WE BELIEVED WE COULD. Love, Bears

HappyRon H.
Thanks for everything bro!

Stephanie C. S.
and thank YOU and your amazing family for your love,generosity,honesty and ability to truly be present.

Diana P. S.
Thank YOU for everything you share with us!

Bernadette G.
And Thank God for you, your family and your ability to share you belief with us. God's blessings on you all x

Colleen F. E.
I CAN'T WAIT to attend my next program...Empower Yourself in May!!! I'm there some days and "wobble" more other days. I can't wait to be rock solid!!!!

Avak Alan B.
HIP HIP HOORAY to everybody!! :))

Vanessa H. H.
We are so excited to come to the Intensive. Just three more days.

Brian M.
Thank you Bears--It has been an incredible year since my February Start-Up, Mary Ellen's June Start-Up, my Calm Amid Chaos, Mary Ellen's New Frontiers and listening to your cd's until some of them wore out. Best of all is Noah's progress with the best yet to come as we'll all be coming for the Intensive in July. Yu guys are going to have so much fun with Noah and Noah with you.

Alison S. T.
THANK YOU BEARS for creating THE OPTION INSTITUTE so that I could come. Coming on programs has been like bringing my little ship into the harbour during a storm so that I could learn to love riding the waves. I love how there are no limits ...on anything - no limits on happiness, or love, or persistence to go after our wants, or the number of people that we can have in our extended family - I'm looking forward to coming home again next year to see you and all the other wonderful people who come there/work there, and learn some more. Love and hugs ♥

Yvette R.
At Neighbourhood Unitariian Universalist Congregation in Toronto the topic of discussion this Sunday Nov. 28 will be - "Happiness Is a Choice" and I will be sharing how finding you and your books in the early 1980's has changed my life. Spreading the word and sharing the magic that is Option !!

Natalie A.
Thanks Bears - you and your amazing family have done so much for my family where others gave up and said my son wouldn't succeed with The Son-Rise Program he is showing us all the Amazing things he can and that never to give up xxx thanks so much xxx

Christine A.
I went with my husband to the conference i'n Salford UK

Elizabeth G. Y.
You know funny you mention that. Your book "Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues" was one of the only books my library had when my son was Dx and from that day and it has been over 4 years I have never stopped believing he could get better. They actually had a few of your books and I was so impressed with your writing that I read them all including the one on death about a month before my father died. While reading it somehow me and my father got into the conversation about him dying and I started to cry. It was if God put the book in my hands and my father knew he was going to die. All of your writing brought me such great comfort. You are truely blessed as a writer and a lovely human. I loved reading your books. Whenever the question comes up as to who I would want to meet if I could meet anyone it is always your family. God Bless

Nancy R.
Dear Bears and Option Family, Thank you for your wonderful classes. I know that I have personal changed as result of your teachings. There isn't a day goes by that I don't shift my thinking/change a belief.There is a new and different person created in me each day.

Alexandra O.
THANK YOU Bears, and Samahria, and Bryn and William and Raun and Kate and Beverly and Clyde and Brian and Jan-Marie and Zoe and all of your amazing team!!!! Love to you all!!!

FROM BEARS: Thanks/Giving

Thank you universe/God for my ability to have sweet thoughts and feelings. Thank you Samahria for being the angel of my life. Thank you my children for the adventures & nourishing of caring and giving & loving. Thank you our students for honoring us with your wanting to learn & grow. GIVING means being kind & loving & USEFUL to those you thank. Love, Bears

From C. N. W.:
When Elijah was diagnosed with Autism I found you two and your son in the 70's on youtube. My sister says I am so much like Samahria! I can only hope so :)

From Heather R. A.:
We are thanking God for Bears and Samahria and the Option Institute! We love you!

From Jan J. S.:
Thank you Bears and Samahria and all of those at Option for inspiring and helping us to be all that we can be.

From Donny H.:
Bears, many thanks for the gift of your amazing self. And much love to your sweet family.

From Jo C.:
Bears, thank you doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the deepest sense of gratitude I have for you and the staff at Option. I came back home a changed person after completing Start Up, I learned more about myself & daughter that I ever imagined was possible and I realised how much useful it was to be hopeful. From the depths of my heart THANK YOU xox

From Rebecca S.:
Bears xxxxx my gratitude for you and Samahria and Option would not fit into this little comment box, it would take pages and pages, extends way beyond and deeper than the depth of my heart (which is deeper now because of you!) xxxxxThank you always for being the incredible people you are xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From Jenifer C. W.:
Thank you Bears for my wonderful dialogue yesterday and thank you for smiling and loving me as I travel to Iowa today with an intention of being loving, authentic and playful! Greatest love and thanks to you and your entire family for your special process, your love of our family, and all that you do to help so many people all over this planet. Hugs and love, Jenifer!

From Alison S. T.:
Dear Bears, for everything you are and all that you mean to me, for everything I am because of the things you taught me...thank you thank you thank you. I love you, please tell me how I can be useful ♥

Living an Inspired Life

FROM DAVID:

It seems that many of us look for inspiration in outside sources - movies, literature, religious leaders, whatever we choose to take in as inspirational material. Inspiration is often thought of in relation to creativity and the arts, but for right now, let's think of it in the sense of a quote that you feel inspired by. I find inspiration in the rare experience of silence, Bears' books and CD's, magic moments in nature shared with my sons and wife, and so on. How amazing to have such a richness of awesomeness in our universe! Just check this out (takes a minute to load, move the slider around)! Woah!

While there are an infinite number of things we could appreciate and derive inspiration from out there, we will not even take notice unless we're ready to, and that readiness comes from within. Waiting for it to happen to us is not exciting or effective. In eating a delicious apple, we aren't going to focus our minds on as many of the little taste bud messages of flavor and sensation being absorbed by our brains as we can... unless that's what we choose to do in that moment. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Wouldn't it be sweet if every time we observed a sunset, we were physically unable to do anything but be transfixed, uplifted, and spellbound? And, what if every movie we watched gave us goosebumps and in some way redined us for the better? Alas, inspiration is not a given. On the flip side, inspiration is out there for the taking!

Yesterday, I went to the vet with Gia the Cat, who needed a booster shot. During the intake process, an eleven-year-old, who happens to be a friend and violin student of mine, came out from an examination room, apparently holding back tears. I asked her how she was, and the tears began to flow. Her kitten was being put to sleep after an accident that left it with no chance of survival. We hugged. I realized as we hugged how much closer I felt to this friend I already loved very much. We sat down and talked for a bit about our ideas of what happens after we die. I loved her belief that we all go wherever we will be the happiest, and told her. I shared with her the wonderful make-believe, "cause is in the future". She actually laughed, seemingly delighted with the idea that somewhere down the line, she might look back at the loss of her kitten and see how perfect it was that it happened, or that it would certainly lead to something wonderful she might not even be aware of, somewhere in the world. A few minutes later, her mom, also one of my dearest friends, came out with a cardboard box and bloodshot eyes. We also hugged and then looked at each other with a new depth, in silence. For me, the cause for their kitten being put to sleep was to have the opportunity to open myself up more to loving my friends and expanding our connection.

I could say that this vet visit "inspired me", but that's too passive - it didn't just happen to me. I moved into the moment without limits. I didn't worry about saying the right or wrong thing, or showing empathy. In truth, I was smiling a lot of the time. That didn't offend anyone or feel unnatural. And my awareness was that I had not before opened myself to freely loving even my oldest and close friends. Yes, I freely love my wife and family, but my belief was that friends were people that you gave less love to than your wife or family, and of course my response to this belief was that I held back as I connected with my friends. If that's even possible.

A parallel could be drawn here to my first experiences with the Option Process Dialogue. I had a similar feeling of consciously dropping all reservations and opening up to what I might learn - despite the fear that the dialogue would likely end in disappointment in myself. But as I explored more and more, I found myself enjoying the ability to look at myself comfortably and objectively, and loving every leap into self-understanding and awareness.

Inspiring ourselves is a choice. (I think I've heard that somewhere before.) We can certainly choose to not be inspired, to close ourselves off from experiences and not open up into them. I want to live an inspired life, and I'm finding that this requires really opening up and going for it. Every chance I have to question my self-limiting behavior and find self-limiting beliefs, I take it! Rather than wait for the opportunity to be inspired at a concert, at The Option Institute, or when we see a double rainbow (because a single rainbow isn't special enough), why not practice awareness, acceptance, and appreciation in our lives? Let's give ourselves every treat we can grab and then relish it! And why not inspire ourselves with how far we've come in ourselves... by deciding on and actually taking the steps to get where we want to go!

Listen to What I Hear

FROM JAMIE: I wrote this blog on the Son-Rise blogs, but also wanted to share on the Option blog because after attending the Calm Amid Chaos course at the Option Institute I can clearly see what I learned - "Cause is in the Future," "Change is Continuous," and the "Universe is Benevolent."

This story begins in 1995. Tyler is 14 months old.

What they said:

"They" are 9 medical professionals from Neuropsychologist, Neuropsychiatirst, Medical Physician, and several Therapists. "Tyler is Severely Organic Brain Dysfunctioned. I’m sorry this happened to you. You will be lucky if she dresses herself or feeds herself. Expect nothing more. Put her in school 5 days a week. Have another baby. Get on with your life. Don't let her stop you from having a good life."

What MY ears came to hear:

WOW! HOW EXCITING! Your daughter, Tyler, has many challenges. What wonderful gifts this beautiful, curly red head little girl will give you during your journey together. Look at that awesome smile. She knows God picked you especially for her. Love her unconditionally. Accept her fully. Be non-judgmental. Know that she is doing the best she can and you are doing the best you can always. You have been blessed. Believe in possibilities. Believe in YOU, Believe in TYLER. Reach for the stars. Run your race to the end ...... As you walk with God on your journey, enjoy every step for you will have the best life ever imagined.

Tyler is now 16 years old. I have been running a Son-Rise program for 10+ years. Our journey has been amazing! She dresses herself and feeds herself and so much more. I never had another baby. I wanted to dedicate my life to Tyler. I am a single mom and I know God gave her to me especially. I am honored to have been chosen. We are walking this journey with God and so very grateful that He brought us to find the Son-Rise program. Everything I had been searching for for months. I have never looked back. I have never given up on Tyler and never will. We are running our race to the end. I truly believe that if I put Tyler in school she would never be where she is today. Son-Rise has given Tyler and I the best life ever imagined!

And so I say to you, Tyler: Thank you for all the wonderful gifts you have given me. Thank you for bringing me to the Option Institute to learn and live the teachings of the Option Process and to become the best mom I could possibly be - a Son-Rise Mom! Little did I know 10 years ago, that your diagnosis wasn’t just about me helping you, but you helping me. Thank you for continually walking this journey with me. You are truly a blessing. You have given me the best life ever imagined. I am so very proud of you and love you dearly !!!

And so I say to you, My Friends: Hear what you want to hear! Never Give Up! Run your Race to the End! Enjoy every step – it’s truly a beautiful journey when you Go Son-Rise!!!

Much Love to you ALL, Jamie

YES, YES & YES - Three Times A Charm

FROM BEARS: I am sitting near the top of a mountain with my backpack. Across from me are three people, among many, whom I adore. Samahria -- my angel, my partner, my gift from the Universe. Gerd -- a dear friend and colleague for over 20 years, an awesome Son-Rise Program teacher. Bonnie -- who started at the Institute at 23, became both a certified Son-Rise Program Teacher and Certified Option Process Mentor..and who will be 50 years old next year. We have travel many roads together. Now, we sit together with hot chocolates and a cafe late -- in the distance are huge fields and meadows with goats and cows (the cows have bells around their necks which are constantly ring like a magic improvised symphony) -- a village nestled in the valley just below -- and snow & glacier-covered peaks surrounding us.

Bonnie notices me saying, in response to one of her questions: "Yes, yes, yes." She laughs and then suggests Gerd has been saying "yes, yes, yes" as well for over the past year. The waitress returns and I ask her if she ever says "yes, yes, yes" because a previous waitress, we noticed, said "no, no, no" in response to our question. This woman said she is from France and she just needs to say "no" or "yes" once -- period. She seemed very determined. The other waitress, from Switzerland, was the one who said no three times. Then another young woman, from Germany, said she says "ya, ya, ya" three times often but doesn't know why. We all laughed. All of which didn't explain why Gerd and I have been doing it for many, many months.

I thought for some time and realized that I feel very emphatic about jumping into life...about being fully engaged and committed. So, I liked saying my yes and my yes and my yes. Would one "yes" do it -- of course. But the continued affirmed commitment felt like an every bigger embrace of the notion: "yes, thank you." We are often not in charge of what comes our way but we are always in charge of how we respond. Yes -- is the affirmation of acceptance. Thank you -- was a statue of gratitude. YES, THANK YOU (even if it wasn't what I had expected or asked for or previously wanted). Yes, thank you -- meant I would embrace it, would find the opportunity in it and make it a personal blessing. YES, YES, YES.

I smiled at Bonnie and Gerd and my lovely, Samahria. YES, YES, YES -- to all of them. Yes, I love them. Yes, I am their dear and committed friend. And, yes, I will always be there for them. It felt warm and fuzzy and an honor to show up that way.

Love and smiles, Bears