From Bears: Our Eyes & Aging

My grandmother, at 88, said years ago that when she looks at a tree, it looks the same to her as when she saw it at 8 or 18. But when she looks down at her hands, she wonders who is this very old person with all these wrinkles. My grandmother's hands looked so beautiful to me. We do not see what we see...we see what we think. We can always be excited to see what we see, even in the mirror.

Bears

Comments:

Mary C C. - Thanks Bears. It was good to read this and see you on my wall at the end of an emotional day! I love you!

Francine B. M. - The truth is so beautiful...thank you

Winden R. - I LOVE this..... perception. It's all about perception and beliefs.

Susan G. - My father use to say the same thing. He wondered who that old man was looking back at him in the mirror when he felt like a kid inside.

Jeannie R.- Thank You!!! Awesome, Beautiful and very relevant to me at this moment.

Nasreen H. - that thought is a nice way to start the day thank you x

Alison S.T. - I have noticed that since I decided to love first and act second that the people around me seem so much more attractive. But different qualities seem important, like the light in someones eyes matters more than their outer appearance. Also ...accepting that other people are doing their best makes them seem more cute to me. I think that real beauty is in our hearts/souls not on the outside. When we look in the mirror we see what noone else can because we know our own heart like no one else and we can be grateful for our own beauty and excited to see the wonder of our lives unfold. That's not to say that we can't be excited about the outside too : ). Thanks Bears, I'm saving up a special hug for you for the hug line when I come to the Option Institute in November.

Gareth M.- Hi Ya I look at my hands everyday and also when I use to be young and use to hide them{badly burnt} and still do, now what you have said when I look at them they are what I see like an extension off roots, like a tree as above. I am still growing and hey I still have lots off family friends that have supported me as they take me For Me For Who I am. like mulch GOOD STUFF To Make Things Grow,I Thank everyone for this, Family and Friends as I am growing more and more. Love Garp

Barb H. - This is the quote I tag on the end of all my emails:

“If I look only for what I expect to see, I'll miss all the other flowers in the garden.” Barry Neil Kaufman

Larry B. - wasn't it wayne dyer that authored "You'll See It When You Believe It" as in encouraging exploration of the quality of our beliefs?

Melanie W. - perhaps we start getting old when we notice we are doing just that..it is our perception that creates the reality

Barb H.- At least as I get older I find that I celebrate every little wrinkle and age spot. I earned them all and I appreciate what it took to get them.

I better get going because I'm going to die!

From River Abel:

Roger Housden wrote in SEVEN SINS FOR A LIFE WORTH LIVING the following: “In Japan there is an entire worldview that appreciates the value of the imperfect, unfinished, and faulty. Wabi Sabi is the aesthetic view that sees beauty in the modest and humble, the irregular and earthy. It holds that beauty comes with the patina of age and in the changes that come with use. It lies in the cracks, the worn spots; in the green corrosion of bronze, the pattern of moss on a stone. The Japanese take pleasure in mistakes and imperfections.

Day by day, tiny specks of us float away. No matter which exercise or diet regimen we follow, no matter which self-help guru we believe in, nothing will dispel the reality that we are not built to last. Death is our supreme limitation, the final proof that perfection was never meant to be part of the human experience. A hundred years from now, all new people. Sooner rather than later, we shall not be here: no eyes, no nose, no ears, no tongue, no mind; no you or me—gone.

Yet knowing the extent of our limitation, feeling our soon-not-to-be-here-ness in our bones, is the best condition we can have for waking up to the miracle that we are here now at all. And if you think about it, that is the brilliance of the human design plan: The built-in “defect” is the very thing that can spur us to drink down the full draught as it comes to us. Better to taste it now, this life that we have, than to defer it to some future that may never come.”

I came across this as I was flipping through that book to help narrow down my blog topic. Contemplating my death was pretty much low on my proverbial list of things to do. I had too much unhappiness to do in past and boy oh boy, did I do it well ! Whining, moaning, finger pointing, yelling, crying, disengaging, over eating, not exercising ... blah, blah, blah ... I did a great deal of drama for years over my prior employer treatment of me. Yet I had been afraid to leave out of fear. This past spring I left as an easy decision which was rooted in the question “what do I want ?”. I wanted to leave. Period. Finally, and with great gratitude for my tenacity looking at this topic, I left after almost 28 years of employment. Months later, I continue to be comfortable and confident over this decision. No regrets. I look forward.

I have accessed my self love again and turned that up and am rockin’ with it. My desires and wants are running rampant rather than being squashed by my unhappiness. It feels wonderful to be wanting again. I see my wanting as a direct and profound connection with my level of happiness. The happier I am, the more I want. While tangible items area a small part of my wantings, they are focused more on experiences I want to have, connections with others I want to create, fears and walls I want to explore and change, a new business I’ve started and am moving towards making very successful, friends I want to see and invest in deeper relationships, travel, likely move out of the area, etc. A fun thing I want to do is to take tap dance lessons again! I’ve got a call into the dance studio that I took lessons starting when I was 8 years old as I still know the family that runs the place. Hear that ?... The music is starting ... 5, 6, 7, 8 ... I’m becoming a voracious wanter now and am tapping my way towards them !

What’s my connection with wanting and death? I just got it today. A close friend for years has shared with me that he contemplates his own death every day. Bears has mentioned “ momento morte” in a handful of programs I’ve taken. Oh ... “momento morte” ...means “remember you will die”. This was a common greeting amongst a group of monks in Italy centuries ago. Today I recognized that I got a great deal of wantings I want and I am sure I will create others too. As another friend told me “when you’re dead, you’re dead for a very long time”. I want so much. My time is limited.

As the quote above states so well“The built in "defect" ( death) is the very thing that can spur us to drink down the full draught as it comes to us. Better to taste now, this life we have, than to defer it to some future that may never come”. So raise your glass with mine and let us all go for our wantings as we're going to die!

Rocking with Exceptional Women

FROM SAMAHRIA:

I want to have this conversation with the women out there. Over the years, I've worked hard to learn the gifts and special characteristics of the woman species, which is not a statement against the male species. They are gifted as well - with their own specialness. But right now, I'm referring to only women - because the Exceptional Woman program is almost here (the week of September 19th) and so I have a heightened awareness of women's issues, as I listen to their fears, judgments and prayers... which are very similar to each other.

Who would we be if we highlighted the most cherished aspects of ourselves (hopefully, we have at least one thing that we love in or about ourselves) - and made those parts really BIG in our minds, while at the same time we unleashed all of those parts we hide and judge... Yes! I mean let them out, let them show, give them a voice we can hear and a face we can look at. The idea would be to be willing to see all of ourselves - and not judge it. When people verbalize what they really think about themselves, it's never the bad they imagined in their minds and suspected would be terrible if others knew. Once it's out there (a belief), then we have the opportunity to drop our judgment about it (even for the moment), embrace it, understand it, put it into a clear perspective, and then finally let it go - and in its place, create a more useful and supportive way of seeing ourselves (a new belief) and that there are choices we can make to better take care of ourselves.

Women are generally taught beliefs encouraging them to place themselves at the bottom of the "to care for" list; otherwise, we are considered selfish or self-absorbed. Essentially, be there for others before being there for ourselves! Hey, it's not working. We feel burnt out, unmotivated, victimized, pressured and turned off. Nobody's gaining from not nurturing ourselves. We can actually be more loving, clearer, happier and more powerful if we took good care of ourselves FIRST, so we can be there, when we choose, to support others.

We really do have the ability to re-create ourselves as the people we most want to be - at ANY age. That's why I created the Exceptional Woman program ... to hold hands with other women who want to stop judging themselves, be supported by other women who understand and want to change as well, and to provide a uniquely safe and loving environment in which each woman can feel comfortable enough to let go of fears and allow their power to be tapped. By learning to trust other aspects of ourselves that are more useful and life-affirming, the judgments with which we've punished ourselves melt away.

Join us to support, express, enhance and delight in ourselves - with other Exceptional women.

Hoping to see you soon - and build ourselves together.
With much love,
Samahria

Our Eyes & Aging

FROM BEARS (Barry Neil Kaufman): My grandmother, at 88, said years ago that when she looks at a tree, it looks the same to her as when she saw it at 8 or 18. But when she looks down at her hands, she wonders who is this very old person with all these wrinkles. My grandmother's hands looked so beautiful to me. We do not see what we see...we see what we think. We can always be excited to see what we see, even in the mirror.

Love, Bears