From Bears: Change is continuous

This came up in our Calm Amid Chaos Program: One major thesis of the "Intellgrid" which we designed as an "intelligent" grid through which to view the world (events/people/ourselves) around us is: change is continuous. The stars, mountains, rivers, our bodies, our beliefs - the universe celebrates itself through change. Resisting change is resisting the celebration. Dive in/do your best and then let go.

We have only this moment, then the next, then the next. Our lives are not like still digital photographs but constantly fluid like fast-moving video. What appears permanent in one moment is gone the next. When we hold on tight to this situation, this relationship, this job, this state of health, when it changes, instead of changing easily with the change (seizing the opportunity of that moment), we tend to hold on tight (for dear life) – and we become brittle and break. Instead of welcoming the new landscape with flexibility and ease, we mourn the past which isn’t – any longer – because the next moment, the next situation, the next relationship, the next job, the next new state of health or illness is already here. Raindrops become oceans. Mountains become valleys. Ever- changing is the beauty of our nature, of nature, of the universe around us. Our job is not only to swim in the river but be the river. Love Bears



Comments:

Gördis S.-S. - How true that rings to me.

Lise B. - wow , that is exactly what been on my mind for the last few weeks..got to go foward, no matter what, we can`t go back in the past,not even for a second....

Lise B. - thank you bears, you said what i wanted to say....

Seliger R. - Become part of the river of life

Eva P.- That reminds me of a poem i once wrote. If i can find it i can post it on here...x x x No point in dwelling in what is the past....coz then we wont be taking in the joys of life in the present. And every cloud has a silver lining. I think w...e should try 2 c the positives in everything. For if there is not change, then life would be very boring. We would not have a story 2 tell or a lesson that woz learnt. We would not grow. Nd i find that if we really thought about it, wot we found rele gd in one point in our lives, if we got it bck again we would find that it is no longer gd 4 us. Coz not only has the world, happenings, and situations changed around us, we, without always realising, change also.

Jeannie R. - Bears, this is sooo perfect for me right now! I have been doing some holding on with some of my relationships lately, and was indeed starting to break. I have always loved the concept of the river, but I was swimming in the river. Now I have decided to BE the river, as you suggested. Wow!! I have transformed a lot along the way with Option and Son-Rise, and it's so wonderful that I've just completely transfromed yet again with your loving guidance--and in an instant too! Thank you!!!!! Namaste, Jeannie

Eva P. - Found the poem, but for some reason will not let me post it. But the last lines are as follows; yesterday looks blankley on, but does not say a word, as yesterday is clever, and knows that today is blind, as today is already on top of the future. The poem is called Yesterday's Wise Silence

Melissa W. - Simmons I appreciate this idea. Thanks you, bears.

Judy M. - I find that when I resist what is, I have a hard time or get stuck. I like to go with the flow so much more. It is so much easier to go with the current then to try to swim upstream.

Jody I. - "If everything always stayed the same there would be no butterflies."

Kristen V. - Thank you! This is exactly what I needed!

Vince H.- Practicing accepting "what is" looks like a pursuit that is going to last a life time...its soooooo much easier said than done. The reward for me is that when I do, do it, I experience a much greater abundance of peace and joy in my life.

Jennifer R. B. - I am doing my best & letting go at the same time

FROM BEARS: Thank you...

THANK YOU... to everyone who comes to our programs, who writes to me after you read one of my books & who posts the most delicious, thoughtful & loving notations on my Facebook wall. THANK YOU for all the kindness & tender thoughts/for being part of my extended family. WE HAVE ALL CHANGED BECAUSE WE BELIEVED WE COULD. Love, Bears

HappyRon H.
Thanks for everything bro!

Stephanie C. S.
and thank YOU and your amazing family for your love,generosity,honesty and ability to truly be present.

Diana P. S.
Thank YOU for everything you share with us!

Bernadette G.
And Thank God for you, your family and your ability to share you belief with us. God's blessings on you all x

Colleen F. E.
I CAN'T WAIT to attend my next program...Empower Yourself in May!!! I'm there some days and "wobble" more other days. I can't wait to be rock solid!!!!

Avak Alan B.
HIP HIP HOORAY to everybody!! :))

Vanessa H. H.
We are so excited to come to the Intensive. Just three more days.

Brian M.
Thank you Bears--It has been an incredible year since my February Start-Up, Mary Ellen's June Start-Up, my Calm Amid Chaos, Mary Ellen's New Frontiers and listening to your cd's until some of them wore out. Best of all is Noah's progress with the best yet to come as we'll all be coming for the Intensive in July. Yu guys are going to have so much fun with Noah and Noah with you.

Alison S. T.
THANK YOU BEARS for creating THE OPTION INSTITUTE so that I could come. Coming on programs has been like bringing my little ship into the harbour during a storm so that I could learn to love riding the waves. I love how there are no limits ...on anything - no limits on happiness, or love, or persistence to go after our wants, or the number of people that we can have in our extended family - I'm looking forward to coming home again next year to see you and all the other wonderful people who come there/work there, and learn some more. Love and hugs ♥

Yvette R.
At Neighbourhood Unitariian Universalist Congregation in Toronto the topic of discussion this Sunday Nov. 28 will be - "Happiness Is a Choice" and I will be sharing how finding you and your books in the early 1980's has changed my life. Spreading the word and sharing the magic that is Option !!

Natalie A.
Thanks Bears - you and your amazing family have done so much for my family where others gave up and said my son wouldn't succeed with The Son-Rise Program he is showing us all the Amazing things he can and that never to give up xxx thanks so much xxx

Christine A.
I went with my husband to the conference i'n Salford UK

Elizabeth G. Y.
You know funny you mention that. Your book "Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues" was one of the only books my library had when my son was Dx and from that day and it has been over 4 years I have never stopped believing he could get better. They actually had a few of your books and I was so impressed with your writing that I read them all including the one on death about a month before my father died. While reading it somehow me and my father got into the conversation about him dying and I started to cry. It was if God put the book in my hands and my father knew he was going to die. All of your writing brought me such great comfort. You are truely blessed as a writer and a lovely human. I loved reading your books. Whenever the question comes up as to who I would want to meet if I could meet anyone it is always your family. God Bless

Nancy R.
Dear Bears and Option Family, Thank you for your wonderful classes. I know that I have personal changed as result of your teachings. There isn't a day goes by that I don't shift my thinking/change a belief.There is a new and different person created in me each day.

Alexandra O.
THANK YOU Bears, and Samahria, and Bryn and William and Raun and Kate and Beverly and Clyde and Brian and Jan-Marie and Zoe and all of your amazing team!!!! Love to you all!!!

FROM BEARS: One Step at a Time

ONE STEP AT A TIME: Holidays with our families. Diets and exercise to make us healthy. Trading in old limiting beliefs for new expansive ones. Day/Months in a Son-Rise Program playroom. Healing from illness. Living with physical/emotion/spiritual challenges. We're fully equipped --one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. Love, Bears

Don K.
:) one step at a time

Gareth B.
Or, live in the present, the power of now.... The playroom is a powerful healing place and not just for the student, the teacher also gains from the experience

Melissa F.
@Gareth, I believe the Power Of Now, is most powerful place to live, especially where autism is concerned. Thank You for sharing.
The journey of a thousand steps, begins with just one, and that is now.

Patrick L.
‎...one opportunity at a time!

Audrey W.
Thank you...I needed this reminder. Happy Thanksgiving.

Alison S. T.
One step at a time - trusting myself to keep going for the step after that and the one after that, but not needing to know right now where those steps will go to - it's all OK ♥

Carla H.
beautiful words, you have such an enlightened way of putting things. Wishing expansive coolness to you and your family this time of year. Namaste'

Ellen Y. S.
yup, one step at a time. What's "in our way" is our way.

Rifka M.
I like that!

Ruth B.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Bears and everyone here. This is such a wonderful reminder. Here, NOW, one step at a time. This is what we have. How perfect! My boy Raffy has finally taught me this and how it actually feels to live fully in each moment. I'm still a rooky but being with him in the playroom, I am glimpsing the wonder of being present and connected with him and the whole universe! Wonderful.

Gareth B.
I also would add that the power of joining, when you completely immerse yourself is profound....

Rekha N.
wonderful thought Bears. I used to give myself just huge hurdles to jump and then judge myself for not achieving them. Now I focus on celebrating how far I have come one step at a time!x

Living an Inspired Life

FROM DAVID:

It seems that many of us look for inspiration in outside sources - movies, literature, religious leaders, whatever we choose to take in as inspirational material. Inspiration is often thought of in relation to creativity and the arts, but for right now, let's think of it in the sense of a quote that you feel inspired by. I find inspiration in the rare experience of silence, Bears' books and CD's, magic moments in nature shared with my sons and wife, and so on. How amazing to have such a richness of awesomeness in our universe! Just check this out (takes a minute to load, move the slider around)! Woah!

While there are an infinite number of things we could appreciate and derive inspiration from out there, we will not even take notice unless we're ready to, and that readiness comes from within. Waiting for it to happen to us is not exciting or effective. In eating a delicious apple, we aren't going to focus our minds on as many of the little taste bud messages of flavor and sensation being absorbed by our brains as we can... unless that's what we choose to do in that moment. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Wouldn't it be sweet if every time we observed a sunset, we were physically unable to do anything but be transfixed, uplifted, and spellbound? And, what if every movie we watched gave us goosebumps and in some way redined us for the better? Alas, inspiration is not a given. On the flip side, inspiration is out there for the taking!

Yesterday, I went to the vet with Gia the Cat, who needed a booster shot. During the intake process, an eleven-year-old, who happens to be a friend and violin student of mine, came out from an examination room, apparently holding back tears. I asked her how she was, and the tears began to flow. Her kitten was being put to sleep after an accident that left it with no chance of survival. We hugged. I realized as we hugged how much closer I felt to this friend I already loved very much. We sat down and talked for a bit about our ideas of what happens after we die. I loved her belief that we all go wherever we will be the happiest, and told her. I shared with her the wonderful make-believe, "cause is in the future". She actually laughed, seemingly delighted with the idea that somewhere down the line, she might look back at the loss of her kitten and see how perfect it was that it happened, or that it would certainly lead to something wonderful she might not even be aware of, somewhere in the world. A few minutes later, her mom, also one of my dearest friends, came out with a cardboard box and bloodshot eyes. We also hugged and then looked at each other with a new depth, in silence. For me, the cause for their kitten being put to sleep was to have the opportunity to open myself up more to loving my friends and expanding our connection.

I could say that this vet visit "inspired me", but that's too passive - it didn't just happen to me. I moved into the moment without limits. I didn't worry about saying the right or wrong thing, or showing empathy. In truth, I was smiling a lot of the time. That didn't offend anyone or feel unnatural. And my awareness was that I had not before opened myself to freely loving even my oldest and close friends. Yes, I freely love my wife and family, but my belief was that friends were people that you gave less love to than your wife or family, and of course my response to this belief was that I held back as I connected with my friends. If that's even possible.

A parallel could be drawn here to my first experiences with the Option Process Dialogue. I had a similar feeling of consciously dropping all reservations and opening up to what I might learn - despite the fear that the dialogue would likely end in disappointment in myself. But as I explored more and more, I found myself enjoying the ability to look at myself comfortably and objectively, and loving every leap into self-understanding and awareness.

Inspiring ourselves is a choice. (I think I've heard that somewhere before.) We can certainly choose to not be inspired, to close ourselves off from experiences and not open up into them. I want to live an inspired life, and I'm finding that this requires really opening up and going for it. Every chance I have to question my self-limiting behavior and find self-limiting beliefs, I take it! Rather than wait for the opportunity to be inspired at a concert, at The Option Institute, or when we see a double rainbow (because a single rainbow isn't special enough), why not practice awareness, acceptance, and appreciation in our lives? Let's give ourselves every treat we can grab and then relish it! And why not inspire ourselves with how far we've come in ourselves... by deciding on and actually taking the steps to get where we want to go!

Broaden Your Mind --> Global Acceptance

FROM DAVID:

I sat on a cloud for a while, but I wanted more. So, I flew in the rings of Saturn, but that just gave me bigger ideas! Then I floated on the surface of a warm-and-bubbly water planet in the light of 3 moons as a flock of shimmering snake-birds slithered through the upper atmosphere. Sitting down to draw pictures with crayons is an opportunity to expand, imagine, go anywhere and do anything. It's a chance to broaden my mind, to play with my creativity and see what learning it brings in the form of a finished picture, alongside my child.

---

When I was first learning to play the violin, it all felt wrong. The chin rest dug into my neck too much. The bow never felt natural in my hand. Pushing down with my left hand fingers on the strings hard enough to make a clear tone hurt a little. Drawing a straight bow in the sweet spot between the bridge and fingerboard with my right arm was counterintuitive, especially coupled with the left hand's work. Still, with guidance and practice, frustration, tears leading to embarrassment, lesson after lesson after neuron wrap after neuron wrap, something amazing happened: I sounded good. Concert-violinist good. People called me "talented", "prodigy", and later, "genius". Hearing words like that felt wrong. Playing the violin well and the process to get there was just natural to me - I saw all the steps it took to get there. I worked hard, I had help, I learned - we can all do that when we want to. We can all ride through the learning curve and achieve wonderful things for ourselves! I didn't see myself as something special, but I did see the reactions to what I did as special, because people didn't celebrate me like that to me BEFORE I played the violin. This broadened my mind to see how people (including myself sometimes) limit themselves by saying "can't".

---

An email from a volunteer in Eidan's Son-Rise Program that might have been addressed from angry_judgment@differentbeliefs.com left me stunned this week. Had I had an iPhone with a next-generation GPS app, I might have heard, "If you're looking for Trained Volunteer Road, you missed Observation AND Feedback." The content of the email was a tirade attempting to undermine how we have chosen to parent our children, painting negatively the things we do with both boys consciously and with our reasons -- I was rattled. Zooming out with my perspective of the situation, equipped with the tools I've gained from The Option Institue and Son-Rise Program, I began to see that I was completely confident about Eidan's Son-Rise Program and our parenting in general, that the judgments in the email did not find a match within my own beliefs, so they left like ants who find no food. I broadened my mind into the sphere of global acceptance, looked at my feelings and found that I was thrown because I fear conflict. And I fear conflict, because I haven't had a lot of great modeling in that area. I looked at the email again and looked for the purpose and intention behind it, which, despite the angry tone and pointed stabs, was authentic and well-intentioned. I decided to do love in my response, to find a way of approaching this as a conversation. Without engaging it as a conflict, but rather an exchange of ideas, I felt comfortable.

---

The biggest party we'd ever thrown before this week, was our wedding, for about 30 people. Now we presented ourselves with a fund-raising event for 200 people, orchestrating everything from grocery shopping to food display, from clearing the event site of brush and thorns to stacking wood for a bonfire. With musicians (including Jennifer with her drum choir), horseshoes, a moon bounce, portable toilets - it was a mini-festival. On the day of the festival, there was still so much to do that we hit a groove. This groove was more about doing and keeping moving, and less about planning and thinking. I broadened my mind to transcend a feeling of panic. I continued putting my love into it, and started letting go at the same time. If the party rocked, it rocked - if it didn't, I wouldn't beat myself up about it! I would be happy to have done my best, to have aimed high. No worries!

---

The Option Process has broadened my mind toward an attitude of global acceptance. Whatever happens and whatever they say, I can choose to be happy. Whatever I want to do, I can believe I can do it. Whatever I dream, I can hope that it will manifest. There is nothing we can't choose to accept, until we call it unacceptable. And we can use global acceptance to steer us through our individual challenges (which seem to come regularly and without fail) to opportunities and learnings that are useful to us.

AN OPEN WINDOW

FROM JAMIE: AN OPEN WINDOW and a Red Head Girl ..... Every morning without a day missed you can see Tyler, a 16 year old red head girl, standing at the window of her playroom looking outside. The neighbors wave and say hello to her as they leave for work to begin their day. She has become a part of their day most every day.

Yes, its true – Tyler wakes up in the morning between 5:30am and 7:00 am and goes straight upstairs into her playroom, OPENS THE WINDOW and greets the world! One neighbor has moved and gone back to their home town in Missouri and no longer to be seen. I imagine Tyler misses their dogs that she liked to watch play out in their yard every morning. Not to fret though, they have been replaced with construction workers across the street – lol! The school buses drive by and pick up neighborhood kids and head to school. She stands at the window and watches for anything and everything that is going on in that moment. She doesn’t want to miss a thing. She loves to watch the trees and the wind so peacefully moving the branches. She greets the world when the sun is shining bright and when the morning is cloudy or rainy. Its just an OPEN WINDOW and she decides what she wants to see….

This daily routine of Tyler’s mornings has taught me a few things. Wouldn’t it be great if every single morning when we awoke we OPENED A WINDOW. We saw the world just as it is in that moment. We weren’t stressed about the day ahead. We dropped all worries. And just enjoyed the scenery and everything around us and felt the peacefulness that surrounds us. We could know that change is continuous, leaving room for new experiences. We can greet the world with a smile, a wave, a hello, a hug, an I love you, and so on ~ each and every day and not miss a day.
That, to me, is the best part of waking up .................

Love, Jamie

From Bears: YOU, ME & CURVED SPACE

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman/Option Institute Co-Founder)

YOU, ME & CURVED SPACE: Okay, do I turn left or right, do I move forward or back? Theoretically, if you split an atom, send each part in opposite direction, one day as they travel forward, on the curve of space, both parts would meet each other in some distant place. Often, we think the big deal was not whether we turned left or right but, actually, what gives us our life experience is whether we inspired ourselves, jumped in passionately, gave it our all, went for the gold....and yet, at the same time, be always willing to let go. To let go? That's the power position...to keep going but without ever needing to get what we're going for in order to be happy. But only let go when we want to let go. Some of us give up our dreams before we birth them fully (that's about fear of failure and pouting in advance just in case we don't get what we want). Sure...choose well. Sure...bring your happiness and love and kindness with you. Sure...you can make believe it's all about which way you turned -- however, remember the split atom. It's not the destination, it's how you chose to travel. Where we are is never simply defined by our circumstances, it's defined by our attitude and inner state of mind. Look around, whether you have money right now or a great relationship or a typically functioning child or health, what you do have it YOU. And you get to always decide about how you want YOU to be. Happy curved space..
Love, Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman/Option Institute/Son-Rise Program Co-Founder)

Riddikulus!

FROM DAVID:

Harry Potter fans are familiar with the "boggart", a shape-shifting magical creature whose true appearance is never seen, but which seeks one's worst fear and takes its form. If you're a wizard terrified of killer chickens that peck people to death, that's what you would see when a boggart came your way. To get rid of it, you (a competent wizard with a fear of killer chickens) would think of something silly (or sillier) to turn that killer chicken into - like a killer chicken with a taco where its beak should be - and then you'd point your wand at it and say, "Riddikulus!", and voila! you have a taco-beaked chicken to laugh at. And laughter does a boggart in.

For me, a boggart might look like my beloved wife-partner, Jennifer, coming home from Exceptional Woman, looking at me and saying something like, "You're worthless to me. Everything I want gets ruined because of what you do. I want a divorce." I don't believe she would say that, but playing with it, the thought of building something up for so long and then have it crash down around me is overwhelming. If all my efforts were to end up self-destructing, I could come to the conclusion that life will forever suck for me.

It seems that discomfort almost never just vanishes, all by itself. Reflected in this attribute of discomfort, our dreams generally don't come knocking on the door, out of the blue saying, "Hi! I've come true!"

What do we Muggles (non-wizards) do with our "boggarts"? There aren't any functional wands in our Muggle world, that I know of... What if we, for a moment, let go of everything we are perceiving - even our discomfort, be it fear or anger or disappointment? Ahh, but it doesn't just go away. Right! The Option Process® Dialogue to the rescue!

My dream is to love (and to be happy with) all of the time, no matter what - and I'm going for my dream! Hence I'm thinking to conjure up a way of saying "Riddikulus!" for myself. The gift of ease works for me if I haven't gotten in the flow of being uncomfortable. It ain't happenin' once I'm fully feeling fear or anger. OK. So, let's say my boggart is right in front of me. Can I, instead of dwelling in my fear, flip it into a dream? Woah. Huh? Say what???

Even from full steam anger, I can choose to click into my dream of loving / being happy with. Right now, I'm going to love myself. How am I going to love myself? Back to the boggart that looks like Jennifer, I can be useful to myself and ask some clarifying questions, rather than cower in fear. I can trust myself (and a benevolent universe) to make the right moves, rather than "futurize failure". I can choose happiness, instead of plunging into a self-constructed abyss. Later, when I have a chance, I can explore this moment (and its gifts) in an Option Process Dialogue.

More and more, I find that loving myself (even owning that I am a MuggleBlogger) isn't ridiculous.

Listen to What I Hear

FROM JAMIE: I wrote this blog on the Son-Rise blogs, but also wanted to share on the Option blog because after attending the Calm Amid Chaos course at the Option Institute I can clearly see what I learned - "Cause is in the Future," "Change is Continuous," and the "Universe is Benevolent."

This story begins in 1995. Tyler is 14 months old.

What they said:

"They" are 9 medical professionals from Neuropsychologist, Neuropsychiatirst, Medical Physician, and several Therapists. "Tyler is Severely Organic Brain Dysfunctioned. I’m sorry this happened to you. You will be lucky if she dresses herself or feeds herself. Expect nothing more. Put her in school 5 days a week. Have another baby. Get on with your life. Don't let her stop you from having a good life."

What MY ears came to hear:

WOW! HOW EXCITING! Your daughter, Tyler, has many challenges. What wonderful gifts this beautiful, curly red head little girl will give you during your journey together. Look at that awesome smile. She knows God picked you especially for her. Love her unconditionally. Accept her fully. Be non-judgmental. Know that she is doing the best she can and you are doing the best you can always. You have been blessed. Believe in possibilities. Believe in YOU, Believe in TYLER. Reach for the stars. Run your race to the end ...... As you walk with God on your journey, enjoy every step for you will have the best life ever imagined.

Tyler is now 16 years old. I have been running a Son-Rise program for 10+ years. Our journey has been amazing! She dresses herself and feeds herself and so much more. I never had another baby. I wanted to dedicate my life to Tyler. I am a single mom and I know God gave her to me especially. I am honored to have been chosen. We are walking this journey with God and so very grateful that He brought us to find the Son-Rise program. Everything I had been searching for for months. I have never looked back. I have never given up on Tyler and never will. We are running our race to the end. I truly believe that if I put Tyler in school she would never be where she is today. Son-Rise has given Tyler and I the best life ever imagined!

And so I say to you, Tyler: Thank you for all the wonderful gifts you have given me. Thank you for bringing me to the Option Institute to learn and live the teachings of the Option Process and to become the best mom I could possibly be - a Son-Rise Mom! Little did I know 10 years ago, that your diagnosis wasn’t just about me helping you, but you helping me. Thank you for continually walking this journey with me. You are truly a blessing. You have given me the best life ever imagined. I am so very proud of you and love you dearly !!!

And so I say to you, My Friends: Hear what you want to hear! Never Give Up! Run your Race to the End! Enjoy every step – it’s truly a beautiful journey when you Go Son-Rise!!!

Much Love to you ALL, Jamie

Creating Calm Amid "Apparent" Chaos

FROM BEARS (Barry Neil Kaufman):

Can it be done? If we begin at the beginning. Chaos is not about what's "out there" or the events we experience. Chaos is not a fact or observation. It is a descriptive belief that contains, for most of us, an embedded judgment. "My life is chaos." "The economy is chaos." "World affairs are chaotic." What we are saying is that we can't organize and therefore understand what we see or experience in a way that makes sense to us. It doesn't mean that there is no explanation for what is occurring -- it just means we don't have an explanation so we then assume it's random and (here's the judgment) bad for us.

In our program, Calm Amid Chaos (we even have a CD series of this program), we present something we call THE INTELLIGRID -- which is a framework to organize everything...to organize all that we see and experience for easy consumption by us without fear or judgment. C'mon, you might be sighing. Here's why we can do it -- if we don't need to understand everything and we don't need to explain everything but want a way to embrace what the universe delivers to you at your doorstep (love, hate, kindness, illness, broken relationships, loss of a loved one, economic challenges) with a deep sense of peace for all that occurs, then such a thesis could be possible. One essential aspect of the Intelligrid is the principle that experience is not "out there" but what we do inside of ourselves with what is "out there". We are not often in charge of what is happening "out there", but we are in charge of what is happening within. Sooooo...it would be profoundly useful and life-affirming to create a simple, organizing framework for easy digestion inside of what's "out there". So, let's tickle the subject.

We've always been taught that first we have a cause, then we have an effect. Cause & Effect. You kick something and it moves. You turn on the faucet and water pours forth. You flick the light switch and the light comes on. Very simple. Reasonable. Substantiated. Now, let's consider turning that notion on its head and reverse the construct. Instead of the cause preceding the event, suppose, just suppose the cause is in the future (not the past). Suppose the future is actually beckoning to you...and gives you opportunities to learn, grow, change so you can meet it. Personal example: as a young man, I was unhappy so I searched for ways to explain the world, make sense of the world so I can experience more joy and love. Then, after several years, I learn about the power of beliefs and change myself as does Samahria, my wife. We get to understand about judgments and take ownership for what we feel and what we do (all based on the beliefs we adopt and empower). Then suddenly we have a child with autism...Raun. However, if we had never explored and changed, we could never have greeted Raun with ease, love and creativity. It was as if Raun was coming from the future, beckoning us to get ready (and so what we maybe saw as hardships were actually gifts and blessings to change). We helped Raun fully recover through the Son-Rise Program, which we designed just for him...or so we thought. Because actually there was Simon and Kyle and Brandon and Amy and Sarah and Jimmy all in our future, calling to us and Raun -- our work with Raun readied us to be with those other children and help them. Ah, but it doesn't stop here...imagine, all this has happened because in 2018 in a remote village, a little boy will be born with autism and he is calling to us from the future to keep working with children and spreading the word so he can find us.

One component of the Intelligrid (a component we have been discussing and teaching for over three decades) is set into place. There are others that fully construct this grid. It's all make-believe, but it works.

In CALM AMID CHAOS class this morning (WE ALL HAD THE BEST, BEST TIME), after I presented and explored with the group the notion, as part of the Intelligrid, that the cause is other than in the past (smiles), Gerty Handelman concluded (her learning) that "if you want to where you have been (your personal history), look at their body; if you want to know where you're going, look at your thoughts." Ah, one lovely insight (among many expressed today) into the nature of human dynamics and the Option Process Philosophy -- the basics of all we teach at the Option Institute.

Love and caring, Bears (Option Institute Co-Founder)

Change is Continuous

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): Recently in our Calm Amid Chaos program: One Major Thesis of the "Intellgrid" which we designed as an "intelligent" grid through which to view the world (events/people/ourselves) around us is: change is continuous. The stars, mountains, rivers, our bodies, our beliefs -- the universe celebrates itself through change. Resisting change is resisting the celebration. Dive in/do your best and then let go.

Honk If You Love Bumper Stickers

FROM ANGIE HOOPER: Rush hour traffic crept forward as I noticed details of the car in front of me. It's bumper sticker said, I'm sorry...was it my job to fill your life with joy today? My first thought, "Hey, dude, don't be so snarky." But then my Option Process reflexes kicked into gear.

Maybe that driver was on to something....

Maybe, if I stopped worrying about whether the bumper sticker had a sarcastic font, and whether other drivers would be unhappy when they read it, and whether unhappy drivers would have a fender bender that would totally snarl the traffic, I could step back and consider the proposal. So I asked myself the question, "Whose job is it to fill my life with joy today?" Turns out, I believe that it's my job to fill my life with joy today. I wonder where I can get one of those bumper stickers?

It's more like Neapolitan Ice Cream than Rocky Road

FROM ANGIE HOOPER: I have a couple of friends, Sweet Pea and Sweet Tea, who were glad to see the end of 2009. Each of them individually experienced a series of events in this past year of a magnitude that could have brought down an elephant: rejection by loved ones, loss of family, job stress, money troubles, health concerns (to name a few categories of experiences they have in common). The difference between them right now is in how (and whether) they are attempting to make peace with these events. There's more than one way to make that peace--I like the techniques I've learned at the Option Institute and through studying Barry Neil ("Bears") Kaufman's books. Sometimes, I think beliefs and the emotional responses we create are like the flavors in the box of Neapolitan ice cream -- it's all ice cream, but I have a choice about which flavor I try first.

Sweet Pea's choice seems captured best by her declarations that she is "not going to get over" the loss of her loved one. She may be gradually becoming a living tombstone to commemorate tragedies of 2009. This is her way of expressing her continuing love, and that gives her actions a surprising beauty even as the sacrifice consumes her. That's not my flavor, but when I remember not to judge it, I understand why it appeals to her.

Sweet Tea is reading a copy of Happiness is a Choice. She is beginning to embrace the possibility that she could feel happiness and comfort again. Yesterday, that seemed unlikely to her. But who knows? Sweet Tea may be discovering that she's on the path of the shaman, the path of the god-seeker, the path that gives you a chance to strip down to your bones and then rebuild yourself from core beliefs in the sweetness of creation, the blessing of life and hope. Not "hope for a better tomorrow", but hope that comes from recognizing that today is as it should be, even when events suddenly and unexpectedly unfold. That sounds delicious, too.

The News from Wonderland

FROM ANGIE HOOPER: I saw a winter wonderland outside of my window. Six-inches of pristine white snow--pristine, that is, until the gleeful Baby Princess put on her boots and threw herself down to make snow angels. Eric attempted heroically to ride his bicycle through it. They haven’t learned yet to be annoyed by snow and so they reveled in it. Hoopdaddy and I, unlearning as fast as we could, joined them in their games.

My husband Hoopdaddy retrieved the newspaper from the snow. The front-page headline of the local newspaper (above the fold), rather than extolling the wonder and beauty of a “white Christmas”, blazed this headline: “3 DEAD IN CHRISTMAS EVE BLIZZARD”. Was it true that there was a car crash? Yes. Was it the whole story of December 25, 2009? No. There were hundreds who made it home safely that night, others who sledded down the hill at Harweldon Mansion, others who threw snowballs and laughed and celebrated. We might assume that the choice of headline, Hoopdaddy pointed out to Number One Son, was the result of a belief of the editorial staff of the Tulsa World that tragedy would be more interesting to the readers than beauty. I suppose that the editorial staff could have been right. It wasn’t more interesting to the Hoopers.

Hoopdaddy and Number One Son are signed up for The Happiness Option program in 2010. Number One is 16 years old now, and so old enough to attend with his dad. Number One has preparation to do, though. Number One’s homework for the winter school break: read Happiness is a Choice and discuss with his dad. The timing of the headline, therefore, couldn’t have been more perfect. Number One had a great time throwing snowballs outside with his younger siblings, and then had a chance to see an example of how beliefs affect how we see the “facts”, such as choosing the most important story of Christmas, 2009.

Benevolent Universe

Calm Amid Chaos, Or, Using the Intelligrid from the Calm Amid Chaos program effectively and experiencing an immediate change in life.

Sweet People: Just received this amazing email from Dave...about his last Friday of this program at the Option Institute. This would be considered personal growth and empowerment done on attitudinal steroids. We are always honored and inspired to walk beside people and help them claim their biggest and best potential in the program we offer. Wow and wonderful.
Enjoy as the read below.


Dearest Bears,
I want to thank you for the wonderful, loving, humorous, ever curious way you were with me and the rest of the class last week. You left me always interested, always wanting more, even when experiencing the "extra love."

One of the things I shared with the class on the last day was that I feel the need to “sharpen the saw” in order to keep it effective, so I was thrilled to be presented with the most perfect opportunity to use all three pillars of the Intelligrid before I even left the campus on Friday. The taxi I had booked did not arrive for me as expected, and rather than seeing this through my usual eyes of anger and frustration, I found myself embracing the change, even if it meant I might miss my flight. I met two wonderful volunteers in the office, and for the first time I truly saw the benevolent universe, in them and the perfect driver they helped me find. He was able to help me relax into the journey, with hope that I would arrive on time, but with a completely calm and relaxed feeling that if I didn’t it would still end up with something equally perfect.

I managed to catch that flight OK, but then my flight from Toronto got as far as 2 hours out and had to turn back to Toronto due to an instrument failure. Again, the grid kicked in, and even though we had no idea when we would get to London, while we were waiting on the tarmac for the repairs, the plane was a happy place and I had a great time meeting some new and interesting people.

The universe definitely seemed benevolent for me today.

I can feel that saw getting sharper already.

Thank you again,

Dave

PS: Check out the Calm Amid Chaos CD -- it will give you a handle on these principles so you can start using them now. Go on www.option.org, click on Videos, Etc., then Audio/CD's.

Retaining Fear in a benevolent universe?

A wise man once said "Be in the world what you want to see in the world!". So why then do I still do fear? My life is littered with it, I squash one element and another pops up.

Here is a classic example, I was so excited at receiving an invite to the Option blog, yet it took me days to finally write a piece not because I have noting to say, but because I am fearful that I may write something stupid and be judged on my intellect. As I type this I realise the only one who is judging me is me...then does that mean I am I afraid of myself?... perhaps I am using fear as a motivator to make this piece good!

I use fear in so many more parts of my life e.g. I may not be successful enough, my kids might not be nourished enough, I might get hungry if I don't eat now (even when I am not hungry), my latest one most fun ones, Swine flu! I woke up one morning at 3am with no room for any other thought, my brain was awash with facts from the last pandemic and my husbands logistics, the fact I may not be able to come to Option in July for my next course, our mortality, etc, etc. Late that afternoon after having a good ramble on Bears's Facebook I realised this fear just as all the others are firmly embedded in the future. However, if you believe the universe is benevolent then there is no room for fear, if I am present there is no room for fear.

I have examined, dialogued and dissected fear from my past, every time I go from believing it is useful to me, to it is not useful for one of three reasons:-
1) Fear slows me down, it makes me ineffective and really miserable.
2) I can do the thing I want to change without "worrying" about it, and just because I am not worrying about it doesn't mean I don't care about it, or equally that I won't do anything about it if I am not worrying.
3) What is it that I want for myself, the answer is most often inner peace. So then I use one of my favorite learnings from Calm Amid Chaos, the universe is benevolent and so whatever is going to happen is going to be good for me or my loved ones, I may not understand how right now but I don't have to.

Whilst all the fear in my life is completely logical and possible, the question is, "what is it that I want in my life and the world beyond me?" The answer is easy, peace, love and happiness so my focus from now on is to do what I want to see, not on what might be.

Love,
Rekha.

Awesome. No, really, it's awesome.

It started as a joke, of sorts. Since last autumn, every time something that seemed "bad" or "stressful" happened at work (which seems to be often when you're a lawyer in the legal department of a Fortune 500 company) I would feel my mood start to crumple under the weight of it. I dug out my handouts from Optimal Self Trust, where I learned, among other things, "Everything happens for everyone's benefit." The next time something happened, I decided I would pretend that it was happening for everyone's benefit, and then see what happened next. For short, I just started to say out loud, "Awesome." Co-workers in the midst of personal crises? Awesome (through clenched teeth). Stock price jumping all over the place? Awesome (in the little fear voice). Vendors shirking obligations? Awesome (in my the angry voice). Clients want stern letters drafted? Awesome (in my tired voice). Paralegals too overworked to help? Banks getting bailed out? Tax time imminent? Spilled greasy Pad Thai on my new suit? Awesome, awesome, AWESOME (in my silly voice).

How could I possibly justify traipsing off to Sheffield for a program at The Option Institute with all of that going on? And yet, there I was, already registered for Calm Amid Chaos this past March and thinking, "There's no way I can take that week out of town."

Then, when I arrived home one day from work angry and morose for about the 100^thday in a row, railing over checking account balances, private school tuition, the political climate, the emotional climate, the global climate, and mentioned canceling my registration. My husband (Hoopdaddy) said, ever so sweetly authentic, "Could you please not cancel your Calm Amid Chaos class?" But I heard, "Could you please go get yourself straightened out because you're stressing out the rest of us?" (I know, I know, in a stimulus-belief-response universe, I wasn't really making them stress out ...) On the other hand, I kept my vacation on the calendar, and showed up for Calm Amid Chaos last month. It was...well, you know. Awesome.

I've started to respond to all kinds of updates and news with, "Awesome." The more I say it the more it seems like it might be true. Or, at least, possible. It has started to seem like life, with all of its excitement cleverly disguised as chaos and crisis, might be perfect after all. In fact, it might just be...awesome.

Happiness in "hard times"

We are certainly in the midst of newness ... times when we are being challenged to go beyond what we've known, what we've counted on, situations we may have thought were there to stay and faced with new situations we never thought we'd encounter. If we think about it, when we're in times we call "good" (we're enjoying ourselves or being in a satisfying love relationship), we don't want it to change. When things aren't going the way we'd like them to, we may then want them to change, but only if they change to what we want.

But take a closer look at one of the basic concepts in the Option Institute program, Calm Amid Chaos, "change is continuous". If we weren't scaring ourselves about what could happen (bad, of course) or weren't believing that change was less solid and less safe than what we know, we might really embrace what is inevitable - and welcome our friend, change, as we take steps into new directions, using happiness as our flashlight. Actually, depending upon our attitudes, same or different can be viewed as always good for us.

Let's see the changes that are coming our way as open doorways to new opportunities for self improvement and to re-create our lives in ways we would have never even entertained before ... instead of worrying or believing it's not going to be good for us. The fear will only make it less possible to be creative, think outside of the box, and believe we can go for what we want. If we are saying to ourselves, "Okay, Universe, bring it on", it won't even feel like "hard times". Rather, we will be jumping into an exciting adventure.

I will be on this adventure with you, like on a roller coaster, with my arms up in the air, screaming with joy as we round each hairy curve.
Wheeeeeee! Here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!