Ricker Racker Firecracker Shish Boom Bah ! River Abel River Abel RA RA RA !!!

Dear River:

I write to give you a huge hug and a big old high five! Me? Who am I ? I am your biggest cheerleader. Through the ups and downs, I’ve been here. Actually there has never been a moment since June 1, 1994 that I have not been around. I was here before that too but you denied my existence. That date sound familiar? Yep, that was the date that you decided to stop being depressed and to be impressed with yourself. Not only is June 1 your actual birthday, it is now, as you so sweetly celebrate, your re-birthday too. Grand how that happened on the same date, huh ? A mere coincidence or expansively purposeful? I vote for the latter

Let’s get back to the ups and downs. The level of happiness and comfort you’ve created in your life has shifted throughout the years; at times buoyant and vibrant, at times you’ve crashed and burned. Frequently, you were savvy enough that as you burned in the self created flames of unhappiness, depression and anxiety, you went out of your way to amplify it as you did drama, finger pointing, tears, neediness and clinging. Dude, you wore that shroud of victimhood with style and flourish! Recognize though behind that is a heightened passion and tenacity of your creation. The same heightened passion that you’ve actualized in expressing your happiness. When you’re doing happiness, generating it with that passion and excitement, and most of all ease, your entire world becomes move vibrant. You become a beacon. You shine.

Remember that your tenacity continues to serve you well. Even during the times you’ve fallen down or danced the dance of people pleasing, you acknowledged and explored through self studentship what your were doing and why you were doing it.This has and continues to serve you well. Continue to mine yourself as your own best resource and expert. Trust. Let go. Embrace. Connect. Live alive.

The dark days and scenery you designed as the stage of your life over recent years are ended. You decided to bring them to an end. The curtain is lowered and I am doing a standing ovation in your honor. A catch phrase today is “ it’s all good”. You know it really is. That the pain and sorrow initiated and accomplished by you are the source of brilliant and significant learnings. I’m looking forward to seeing what you will do with these learnings.

Most importantly you’ve got self love going on now; I know that is the bottom line of your happiness. Some recently have not believed you or challenged you on this as untrue. What a blessing to hear that ! You’ve been using it as a way to invest in yourself, explore yourself, and to see with clarity what is most important as you move through your world. Bless them for being so useful to you in such a daring manner.

Remember to give yourself some slack, powerful wonder. While your intent is to be happy, don’t beat yourself up if your not 100% of the time.

One last thought, from me my dear friend. Risk being obvious. Risk being obvious in expressing your self love. You’ve got it going on and now make it bigger. Fan the flames of self love so powerfully that you can see me dancing around the fire, cheering you on ! Celebrating you ! Delighting in you!

With love,

River

Seeing "Different" Differently

FROM DAVID:


My journey as a Son-Rise Program dad really got going with this idea taught at the Son-Rise Start-Up program:

"We are all doing the best we can with what [beliefs] we have."

Boom! There went the "blame game". Guilt? Gone. Wow! My son, Eidan (ay-den), was doing the best he could with autism and other issues. Ahhhhhh. No more would I think that he wasn't trying. (Now, two years later, it's mind-boggling to me that I ever held that belief.) I felt so relieved.

The belief that we're all doing our best gave me the ground on which I could give myself forgiveness for doing anger with my adorable children and equally adorable wife. It opened my eyes to loving other people that I judged. My vision of my childhood underwent a re-vision. Suddenly, I was changed.

Have you ever heard, maybe from a teacher in grade school correcting a classmate's words about someone's hairstyle, "It's not WEIRD. It's DIFFERENT."? I remember considering that as an enlightened position. But why distance ourselves from others by labeling them, their behavior, or their appearance "different"? Check this out:

"All are nothing but flowers in a flowering universe."

~ Nakagawa Soen-roshi

Right on, Nakagawa! I think that's another way of saying, "We are all doing the best we can with what we have." This is an enlightened position. Why? It feels lighter :)

Looking for and noticing the beauty in others, especially in their characteristics that may, at first, seem "weird" or "different" is a means to flow with and grow with the attitude of love and acceptance we use as Option Process mentors and working with children in Son-Rise Programs. Imagine yourself with the ability to love anything and go for it! Love it! The only thing that might be "different" is you.

Reality

FROM LORNA:

Unfortunately reality has nothing to do with what you would like to believe.

Someone said that to me recently.

What I have come to know is this: OUR REALITY IS COMPLETELY ABOUT WHAT WE BELIEVE.

To some, autism is a tragedy. To me, it has been a truly beautiful gift. So the opposite of tragic.

Same situation, differing beliefs. I'm much happier believing the latter and therefore my REALITY is much different.

Knowing that I have complete control over my reality is empowering! I can believe whatever I want in any given situation. Beliefs or so powerful, they can make or break you. And here is the kicker...no matter what I believe, I will suddenly find all sorts of evidence to support it. So why not choose an incredible set of beliefs so that I can have an INCREDIBLE REALITY?!?!?

So, FORTUNATELY, reality has EVERYTHING to do with what you would like to believe. EVERYTHING!

The Expanding Extraordinary Man

From David:

Cars, shops, restaurants, planes, office cubicles, rooms in our homes, almost anywhere in NYC... Modern life could be caricatured as a constant scurrying from one to another of these area-challenged spots.

At the Option Institute's Extraordinary Man program two weeks ago, I hiked up the mountain behind the Mountain House and felt a thrill as I gazed out at the vista - fog like whipped cream in the valleys and clear blue sky arched over me from the mountains in the distance. The expanse. Ahhhhhhhhh. Just looking at it made me giddy. "I want this!", I told myself.

"We see the world the way we are", says Bears. Before Extraordinary Man, my time in our Son-Rise Program playroom with my son, Eidan, had felt... can you guess? Yep, a bit area-challenged and as if I was scurrying around incessantly. It's awesome what a perfect mirror being in the playroom is! The thing to change was not my environment, but me. I was rushing everything, pushing out against a sense of being constricted within.

As I walked down the mountain that morning, the question to myself was, "How can I feel that sense of expanse that I want in my life?" And my answer was, "Start feeling the expanse from within, rather than continuing to run into walls, spin my wheels, and burn out." With that, a door opened - out walked Self-Limiting Man and in walked The Expanding Man.

I realize now that I had been shutting down my "deeper" wants, my naturally flowing self, because my intention was to do what I believed I was supposed to do, not what I wanted to do. In fact, part of what I was supposed to do was NOT do what I wanted to do. Flipping that to prioritize personal growth and loving myself, I am more useful to myself. Now, rather than being nearly exclusively focused on my beloved sons, my amazing wife, clients, coworkers, friends, housework, finances, and the checkout person at the grocery store, I have also been asking myself questions like "What do I want right now?" and "What do I think would happen if I went with that want?" My learning: being useful to myself ROCKS. I'm still getting things done, doing more of what I want, and living bigger and bigger!

Just LOVE 'Em

FROM LORNA: Ahhh…to be teaching high school again. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, I’ve recently returned to teaching high school art and graphic design after a 20 month leave of absence.

It’s always funny to me when I tell people I’m a high school teacher and their first reaction is , “Eww. That must be a hard job working with teens these days!” The look on their face is sheer disgust. It’s the face I would make if someone told me they cleaned port-a-potties for a living. But, in my experience as a high school teacher, teens get a bad rap. The majority of them are incredibly smart and articulate and exceptionally well-behaved.

But there is that small percentage of teens that are clearly unhappy in their lives and completely disappointed in the school system so they wreak havoc. I’ve always had one or two in each of my classes, and quite honestly, in the past, I didn’t particularly like them. I’d find myself in power struggles, in which, no matter what the outcome, nobody ever wins.

BUT…the one who LOVES the most WINS. Samahria’s quote was one that resonated with me this week when I found myself slipping into my old self with one of these students. I’ll call him “Nick.” Nick is argumentative. I swear if I went over to him and told him I’d give him $1000, I’m pretty sure he’d balk at what bank I was using and the types of bills I was giving him. From the moment he stepped foot in my classroom, he was clearly angry he had to be there, and he SOOOO didn’t want to participate in any of the activities I was offering.

But, I decided to love him anyway. Friday, I came to school with the intention to LOVE him, no matter what. So when I talked to him about how I was simply there to help him and I sincerely wanted him to be successful in this class and in life, I could actually feel a SHIFT in him. He suddenly had a sparkle in his eye. He didn’t stop being argumentative, but it seemed much more playful. When I asked Nick to help me pick up some items on the tables, he did it. I thanked him and he was quick to enthusiastically say “You’re welcome.”

Samahria, of course, is right. The one who loves the most definitely does WIN. No matter what the future brings for me and this kid, I will always feel GOOD about loving him. And with that, I will ALWAYS WIN.

Back to School

FROM LORNA: I returned to teaching high school today after a 20 month hiatus. I knew it would be a different experience for me this time, for sure. After all, I’ve been studying, practicing and loving the Option Process in those 20 months I was gone.

I’m already a different teacher.

I could feel it. My students, I’m positive, could feel it. I’m sure they were wondering, Who was this lady that was so loving to ALL of them? I truly felt love for all of them. It used to bug me when a student asked me what time class was over (and someone seems to ALWAYS ask this). But this time, I smiled and said, “Cool that you ask! You clearly are going to have to be my timekeeper! Every day, your job will be to let me know when class is almost over. Right on!” He smiled and agreed!

My curriculum was different, too. Usually I plan ALL business the first day of school. All syllabi and class rules and such. I scrapped it all today for a really easy going “getting to know you” activity. We all enjoyed ourselves. And, low and behold, I actually found a few things out about my students! One said he liked seafood, but not fish! (I laughed at that!) Another wants to get a tattoo of an angel on his back in honor of his mother. She’s still alive, by the way. He joked he was a mama’s boy. Who knew it could be so fun??

I decided today that, while I will strive to teach my subject in the best way that I can, I’m more concerned in teaching these beautiful teens HOW TO BE. And I’m going to model it for them every day.

Exceptional Woman, Here I Come!!

FROM LORNA: Every single one of my girlfriends has at one time or another (including me) grabbed a portion of their body (as if they’re kneading bread) and proclaimed, “I’m fat.” I’m pretty certain I know what fat looks like (or do I?), and NONE OF US are even close to being fat.

What is that about?

I have some theories. Mass media portraying beauty as stick thin might be one culprit. Our mother’s obsessing about their weight might be another. The constant advertising of “fat free” and fad diets certainly is 'feeding' into it (pun intended).

But what is really going on? I want to know. I want to rid myself of these negative thoughts about my body. I need to explore my personal beliefs so that all of those external messages won’t penetrate my TRUE BEAUTY.

Exceptional Woman here I come! What better place to explore this part of myself than with loving, accepting, GLORIOUS WOMEN! I can’t wait! My life as I know it will be forever changed by this amazing journey with my soul sisters.

Will I see YOU there???

Realization of Victimization

FROM JAMIE: Just the other day while registering for the Calm Amid Chaos course, I was doing my typical "wishing." I wished I could go to more than one course a year..I wished I could have 2 Outreaches a year...I wished I could send in Videos for Consultations as much as possible.....I wish I had a boyfriend/husband to help me....I wished my family helped me and was more supportive .... and then ... I had a REALIZATION OF VICTIMIZATION!

I am a single mom running a Son-Rise program for now 10 years plus. I have struggled financially for many years. The last few years have been the toughest. I am not able to work at the present time to take care of Tyler. I am struggling to pay my bills monthly. So, as i wished and wished and wished daily, one day it finally hit me like a ton of bricks! I was watching the movie Surf's Up and Big Z says ~ "Never give up. Find a way. That's what winners do." At that very moment I realized that even though I wasn't giving up on Tyler, I wasn't finding a way to get to where I wanted to go for as much as I wanted for Tyler. I was playing the "victim" ~ I never moved! I was waiting for help from someone, from somewhere. I wasn't getting very far being a victim. I've been somewhat "standing still" all this time. I don't want to be a victim anymore. I am going to find a way to get more for Tyler. To be continued .........


Love, Jamie

A False Economy

FROM REKHA: As a parent of a special child I find it very easy to spend money where I think my child is directly benefiting e.g. an outreach or equipment for the playroom. But in the past when I thought about spending money on changing or helping myself I judged that as wrong or selfish.

On chatting to my friend Paula tonight she reminded that so many times changing or helping ourselves to get more comfortable is a key to us then going on to be able to help our kids.

For example when my son Rohan started having seizures two years ago where he would fall to the floor, convulse and then pass out for an hour, I FREAKED OUT! I was terrified, I didn’t know how to help him how he felt, I was futurising and catastrophising thinking my child is going to be really sick or worse, unhappy in the future. Empathising with my child thinking how awful this must be for him, the result was that I was angry, scared and most of all not present and therefore totally ineffective at helping my little boy.

I spoke to a friend (also a Son-Rise Mum) and she told me to do an Option Process® Dialogue about this discomfort, she said it is not helpful to Rohan for me to feel this way. In hind sight it was one of the single most important things I did to help my son and myself. In this Dialogue I went from a place of hating the seizure to feeling neutral about them I decided I wanted to be there for Rohan and not in my head doing fear and other things.

The next time Rohan had a seizure I checked in with myself, I was calm and I was here for him and then I just did what felt natural. I held his hand and stroked his back gently telling him that I was right there for him. As I watched from this neutral place, I saw him holding his muscles and his breath very tightly it reminded me of having contractions whilst in labour. So I started to coach him to breath just as the midwife had done with me.

Over the course of a year something amazing happened. Rohan’s seizures went from last 3-4minutes (often he would vomit during this period) after which he would freak out/scream and pass out for an hour. To 5-40seconds long, he often just gets up and walks off but if he does need a rest it’s just 10mins. Even more exciting was that even before I get to him now I see him taking action himself and helping himself by relaxing and starting to breath.

What I find most amazing is that he is more empowered to help himself because I took action to help myself!

Enjoying the Journey

From Pessy: I recently listened to the webinar, "Secrets for a Loving & Easy Relationship" by Samahria Lyte Kaufman, Co-Founder/Co-Director of The Option Institute. Although I am not currently in a relationship with a partner, I decided to listen to that webinar because I am seriously involved in a relationship with myself! There were so many tips and tools to take from the webinar. I decided to walk away with a piece of information that I feel is so valuable: To want something, to do what it takes to go after it, and at the same time to be ok without getting it.

I've made weight an issue for myself for almost half of my life, if not more. I've tried many diets. I've lost weight and gained weight, but have never truly been satisfied with my appearance. While listening to the webinar I began to wonder if I could apply the idea of going after what I want without being attached to the outcome regarding my weight. The more I thought about it the more I liked the idea.

At first I thought that this will be just one more thing I try. You know what? It just might be, but somehow it feels different. I'll tell you why. With all of the other diets and things I've done to motivate myself to lose weight I defined myself by the success or failure of my results. Therefore, as soon as I didn't see myself getting the results I wanted I quit. I stopped trying. I believed that I just couldn't succeed. I considered myself a failure when it came to my weight and being comfortable in my own skin. I stopped working towards what I said I wanted, and actually began actively working away from it!

If I choose to believe that I can want something, go after it, and still be happy even if I don't get it then I am defining myself by my actions - not my results. That feels different. That feels empowering. That feels amazing to me! I want to define myself by my actions rather than by my successes or failures. I want to do the things it takes to get me to where I want to be. If I get there - fantastic! If I don't get there I can explore by using The Option Process® Dialogue, and take a look at what I'm doing and why. I can ask myself, "Do I really want what I'm going after? Am I doing what it takes to get myself there?" With my own answers I can decide if I want to change my actions, or keep on going. I can do all of this with my end goal in mind. I can do all of this, and still go after what I want. I can do all of this and still be happy and comfortable with myself - even if I haven't gotten what I wanted.

To want something, to do what it takes to go after it, and at the same time to be ok without getting it.

Ahh...Enjoying the journey!

Wishing you joy and success,
Pessy

Power Dialogues - Tuesday

From Angie Hooper: Lots and lots of technique today in the Power Dialogues program, how to breakdown what an explorer is saying and useful questions to pose in response. I usually use the Dialogue with myself and I find something useful in the process. With others, however, I listen but rarely ask any questions.

I usually just focus on staying in the mentor's attitude of wanting the best for the explorer. I realized that I was comfortable doing Dialogues with myself because I trust myself to get to my own best answer. I was holding back from asking questions to others because I hadn't trusted them to get their own best answers and didn't want to fall into the tyranny of giving unsolicited advice. Now that I see that this is often a question of trust for me, I can look more specifically at why I'm hesitant to ask a particular question instead of being hesitant to ask any question.

Power Dialogues - Monday

From Angie Hooper: The Power Dialogues program started today. I made up a belief a while ago that I would "get my money's worth" out of any program within the first morning, and then anything I learn after that is bonus material! That intention worked for me again this morning in class. Here's a sample of my learnings from this morning:

• I had been making myself nervous about coming to the Power Dialogues program because it could change my life. As if the program was going to do something to change me when, really, through the program I am giving myself access to a tool that I could use to change myself. In other words, the program doesn't change me -- I change me.

• If I want to be a connoisseur of the Dialogue Process then I might try something that seems strange or unusual just to see how it tastes.
• If I'm needing a specific outcome from an explorer, then I'm being "directive" as the mentor. My attitude can be directive even if I don't use any directive language.

I had a great time today and really looking forward to see what happens tomorrow.

From Panic to Gratitude at Work

From Angie Hooper: It's funny sometimes to think about how much I use my Option Process training at work when I started to study it for reasons that I thought were completely separate from my career. Just the other day, an email came through from an email address that gets high priority and some of the words in ALL CAPS. The email ended with a tersely worded request for additional action "and this means YOU Angie". Did I panic? No. Did I panic in the past when I read similarly worded emails? Yes. Was it a new response because I was using the Option Process? Yes.

My default setting used to be to rush to respond to an urgent request, assuming I'd caused the problem (whatever it was) while a litany of self-recrimination played as background music to my work. This time was different. How? I pretended it was happening in the playroom. I stepped back and reread the email with curiosity and excitement like I was trying to understand word fragments from Eric, and asked myself some questions about it. What's going on, why did this request come in now, why the particular wording? But the most important question was this: how can I be useful to this person? I actually forgot to worry about things like whether I was being blamed and put the effort into how to express my love and gratitude for having a job by giving a great response.

From Toni, SUCCESS!

From Toni: What greater success is there than being absolutely in love with life?! Regardless of what is "going on" in this world or next door or even and ESPECIALLY in your checkbook... Living to become present to myself and apply and re-explore beliefs in all situations. Having the perfect loving questions to ask myself to ultimately pave my own path to happiness. Trusting myself and finding happiness in every moment is a success that I never imagined! CHA-CHING!

I (Heart) Feedback

From Angie Hooper: It's feedback season at work. Once a year, I get a sit down formal review with my boss. I love getting feedback but I didn't like it back when I started my current job. I had a bad experience with feedback as a baby lawyer* and whenever I sat down with my current boss, I'd usually start either making excuses (if the feedback was a point to change) or hysterically giggling (if the feedback was neutral or positive). This made my boss crazy, so he gave me feedback on feedback.

The strangest part to me of my giggle-reflex was that I continued to behave so nervously after so much feedback training as part of my Son-Rise Program and Option Process journey. In my Son-Rise Program, if someone has an idea of how I could be more effective, I want to know about it. Why would it be different for my job? Isn't my effort at work as valuable as my effort in the playroom? Why wouldn't I want feedback to make time at work as effective and enjoyable as possible? I'm living in a benevolent universe, so my boss did something very "Option Process" this year during my feedback. He said, "Why do you do that hysterical laughter?" I also did something very "Option Process": I answered the question. He nodded. Then he gave my feedback, and it was insightful and useful--everything one would hope feedback would be. Everything that feedback has been when I've worked with Son-Rise Program teachers. Another gift to me because of Eric's autism. I'm becoming a better parent, a more comfortable person, and now more accomplished as a professional through everything I'm learning as part of the Son-Rise Program and Option Process.

*In case you're curious, here's the story and a great example of how not to give effective feedback: one day (when I worked at a law firm) I found a brown envelope on my office chair containing a stack of handwritten reviews from every partner I'd worked with in the firm. One of them recited a litany of aspersions and ended with, "I'm sure she has some redeeming qualities, but I'm not interested in finding out what they are." Now, of course, I see the many gifts of the personal attack-disguised-as-feedback, including the nudge to get out of a situation that had run its course. (Plus, I know now that none of those insults were about me.) But I carried that brown envelope around in my head every day at work until recently.

Honk If You Love Bumper Stickers

FROM ANGIE HOOPER: Rush hour traffic crept forward as I noticed details of the car in front of me. It's bumper sticker said, I'm sorry...was it my job to fill your life with joy today? My first thought, "Hey, dude, don't be so snarky." But then my Option Process reflexes kicked into gear.

Maybe that driver was on to something....

Maybe, if I stopped worrying about whether the bumper sticker had a sarcastic font, and whether other drivers would be unhappy when they read it, and whether unhappy drivers would have a fender bender that would totally snarl the traffic, I could step back and consider the proposal. So I asked myself the question, "Whose job is it to fill my life with joy today?" Turns out, I believe that it's my job to fill my life with joy today. I wonder where I can get one of those bumper stickers?

The Decision

FROM PESSY: Recently, I had the opportunity to put to use some of the tools I had learned at The Option Institute. I went on a trip this past weekend which involved various obligations. One of my obligations involved being in a crowd of people, a very large crowd. I knew that was a challenge for me. Being amongst so many people, people whom I don't know, people who have there own agenda, people who don't go out of their way to welcome a new face, is not necessarily one of my favorite things to do. My memories of past experiences in that type of situation are not so pleasant. I would probably prefer to be anywhere except in such a large crowd of people. Nevertheless, this was part of the responsibilities I had agreed to.

So, I chose to try something new. I decided that I was going to really enjoy myself amongst the crowd. I decided I would walk into the crowd of people as if the room we were sharing was my room, my home. I decided to behave like anything but a stranger.

The day arrived to put my decisions into action. I put a smile on my face, (from the inside out), confident with my decision to belong. I had already begun to feel a significant amount of comfort. The nerves were gone. I felt excited. I felt curious to see what would happen, what I would make happen. I entered the crowded room. I walked around quite comfortable with my surroundings. I had decided to enjoy myself, and that is exactly what I did!

What a powerful lesson I learned: I can behave and feel with intention instead of reacting to my surroundings. Powerful. Liberating.

I am in charge of me!

Wishing you joy and blessings,

Pessy

From Toni: Future Sight

From Toni: I just finished reading the book "Future Sight, A Psychic Odyssey" written by Barry Neil Kaufman. I can't say that I am speechless because the first thing I wanted to do was run to my computer and Blog! I feel inspired, powerful, and am vibrating with excitement to share my personal insight from reading this book.

I purchased my own copy of "Future Sight" well over a year ago if not two years ago. I had intentions of reading it immediately, but each time I opened the book I just couldn't bring myself to "get into" it. I remember starting it several times only to tuck it away with my bookmark marking my spot that I would leave it- always within the first chapter. I tucked it away in a special spot in my closet for a rainy day which never came along, at least not for myself. I had completely forgotten about the book until one day I peeked into my Autistic son's bedroom to find him ripping the pages in his very methodical and rythmic peacefulness. This isn't the first one of Barry's Books that Zac has ripped... He also had enjoyed a copy of "Happiness is a Choice" several weeks prior. My instinct was to burst into the room and say "NO! NOT MY BOOK!!" but there was something about watching him rip a book called "Happiness is a Choice" that I choose to react with curiosity and wonder instead. I had very obviously left my books where my little ripper could find them. As if the place that I had hidden them away was intended exactly for his wondering fingers to find, hidden completely seperate from the countless magazines that enriched mylife in very little or no way at all that I had packed away safely behind locked doors. I found it somehow appropriate that Zac was ripping these books written by one of the creators of the Son-Rise program, the very program that I was running in my home to reach my once very detached little boy. HA! So when I seen him ripping "Future Sight" to shreds right before my eyes, I maintained my calm and let him finish the project that he was so intently enjoying. A little part of me thought, 'well... I probably wasn't going to ever read it anyways!'

Last Spring I attended a week long program called "Fearless" at the Option Institute International Learning & Training Center in Sheffield, Massachusetts; also home of the Autism Treatment Center of America were I have learned how to successfully run an in-home program for my Autistic son. Running a Son-Rise program has been the most rewarding experience of my life and has opened so many doors for me in my own personal growth as well as that of my son. During my Fearless program, which was taught mostly by Barry, I started to really grasp the concept of loving myself fully and trusting myself without doubt and fear... After this life altering week on Campus I came home and COMPLETELY changed my life! I was beginning to live from my soul and trust myself in a way that I had never done before. My friends and family were worried about me and sometimes would wonder if I was "loosing my marbles" or something? Why didn't I ask for advice on these decisions I was making? Leaving my marriage, coming clean about an affair, telling people when I was uncomfortable and NOT holding back when I felt compelled to do or say something. How could I suddenly decide that I wanted to be such a radically different person? How could I? HOW COULD I!? I was uncovering parts of me that no one had ever seen before. Parts of me that I had kept to myself since early childhood suddenly I had alllowed to explode from within to shower the world with TONI! Just ME! This is who I am and I had no apologies other than here I am, I'm sorry it took me so long to get here... But I am here now and THAT is all that matters. Some people very close to me had a lot of issues with who I really am, but it didn't hurt, in fact it was completely pain free. It was the most free-ing feeling and I can say that I have become the happiest that I have ever been in my life. Suddenly in my happiness, my Autistic Son becomes so aware of my change and began accepting me in his Son-Rise Playroom on a completely different level. I, myself, feel a completely new feeling with him as well, a new connection, a new awareness.

So, last November I attended "Son-Rise Program Wide Awake" as a refreshed woman ready to discover even more about myself. I attended with a loving and much loved team member in my Son-Rise program. She happened to bring with her the book "Future Site". I had never replaced my copy as my income had become extremely limited and asked her if I could borrow it when she was finished. I promised her that I would keep it safe from our ripper and she agreed to let me borrow it :) I couldn't wait until she was done reading so I could dive into a new experience with a fresh mind, and a new REAL me still being born. Not to mention that it was written by Barry Neil Kaufman, aka Bears, my most favorite author and mentor whose personal mentoring has helped me to introduce me to myself in such a extraordinary way. I waited until two weeks ago to dive into the book again, this time I was swept away from the very beginning. I would read at night until I couldn't keep my eyes open and this morning when I woke up- I wanted more. The last 150 pages flowed like a movie in my mind as I soaked up every word. Tears and all, it was such a beautiful journey.

Do I want to rush out and tell all my friends to read it? Not exactly... Why wouldn't I want to demand that everyone NEEDS to read the most amazing book that I have ever read?? Why shouldn't I want EVERYONE to feel what I felt reading the final reflection at the end? For the same reason that I was never intended to read it until now :) I CERTAINLY recommend the book- but I know that when the time is right for YOU, you will know and I pray that you will trust yourself and do it. All in your time.
WOW Bears, you are indeed, an amazing man! Thank you for sharing SO MUCH of yourself with the world. You are a true model that it is never about the storm, but about dancing in the rain.

From Toni: Exceptional People

From Toni: This week a friend of mine posted a message on her Facebook profile; "Sometimes exceptional people come into our lives when we aren't expecting it". I really thought about this statement...

Imagine that actually, exceptional people are always surrounding us. Some of them we have known for all of our lives and some for maybe only minutes. Who decides who gets to be "exceptional" and who doesn't? Ah yes- It's based on a belief that some are and some aren't. Who's belief? MY belief!
I can decide that every single person that is in my life, or that comes into my life is exceptional, for one reason or for many. This feels like a delightful way to live, love and learn from and about others AND myself, exceptionally!

From Rekha: Pressure : To do or not to do that is the question? But is it the answer?

From Rekha: Do you need to motivate yourself with stress and pressure? It is not good or bad just another way of doing something.

Jo (one of my Son-Rise team members) talked about using stress, she described "...a tight feeling of urgh, first thing in the morning..." this she said "...helped remind her that she had to tend to her financial matters and...how useful it was..."

Many people can perhaps empathise with this, it is indeed a modality I used very frequently in my life too, to motivate myself to work harder or do a better job! It has been very good friend over the years, however, I recently decided I wanted to part company with this fella. Why? you might ask, well I found each time I was actually using the fear of failure to motivate myself. Consequently I didn't enjoy the journey and I when I got to my carrot I breathed a sigh of relief thanking the powers above for saving me yet again from a terrible consequence, failure!

So I didn't enjoy the journey or the end goal.

Whilst running a Son-Rise programme for my son over the last few years I found myself during feedback repeatedly saying "...it is about the process, not about the end goal,..just have fun trying, the result will happen and even if it doesn't at least you will have had fun trying..."

Then a peculiar thing happened, I decided to believe it! I went to do Mentor Certification this year (2010) I had very little time to prepare. So I had a choice do my old modality or have fun while doing my best, just letting go of the outcome that was the solution to all of biggest challenges in my life, all my judgements and expectations.

I realised this was one of few places on this earth that pressure would never work to achieve my end result anyway, so I surrendered myself to the process and dived in with all my self-studentship, 3E's and my clear purpose . I decided to trust the teachers were there and responsible for teaching me, i.e. when I didn't know something it meant nothing about me, but raised my hand to ask questions until I did. It was like being a kid again.

The result was delicious, I had the best time loving and supporting my co-participants always knowing we were all doing the best we could. We built relationships I would never have imagined and also learnt more about the Option Process Dialogue. Any time I felt any discomfort I worked on it immediately to align myself with my intention, constantly building a network of happiness supporting beliefs.

Then I got my grades and I passed with great marks. So it was a win-win, my journey was my carrot the result was just more evidence to support the good feeling I gave myself all month and want to go on to give myself...