Have you ever wondered how it’s possible for two people to have different reactions to the same event? Why is it that if it’s raining outside one person can be sad about it while another is feeling refreshed or exhilarated? Why is it that in an earthquake two people can experience it in the same house with completely different reactions; One calm, cool and collected while the other is paralyzed with fright? (It's true. I was the one who was afraid. That was before attending courses at The Option Institute!)
At The Option Institute I learned about two different models that people use when they behave, feel, or act a certain way. The first model is Stimulus-Response (SR). In this model people attribute the reason for their own behavior to the stimulus. For example, "I yelled at my kids because they were fighting." Or, "I felt sad because my husband forgot to call me when he promised." The next model is Stimulus-Belief-Response (SBR). In this second model one examines the belief or thought between the stimulus and the response so that we can gain understanding as to why we felt or did what we did. Using the SBR model empowers us to take full responsibility for our behaviors.
The SBR model is based on the principle that happiness, as well as all other behaviors, is a choice that we make. It doesn't just "happen" to us. We actually choose our feeling/behavior for a very specific benefit. The examples used in the SR model above will look quite different than what it looks like when using the SBR model. "I yelled at my kids because I thought that by yelling at them I would make them stop fighting." Or, " I felt sad when my husband forgot to call me because I thought it meant he didn't love me and I was unimportant to him."
The next question is, how do we find out what that benefit is to our beliefs? How do we uncover the belief that motivates our behavior? One way to gain clarity is with a process called The Option Process® Dialogue. The Dialogue is a form of Socratic questioning between a mentor and an explorer. The mentor provides an environment that is loving, non-judgmental, non-directive, and gives the explorer his full attention. The mentor asks the explorer questions based on the information that the explorer gives. The explorer goes wherever he wants to go with the questions. The explorer is the leader. The Dialogue helps an explorer to think in a way he may not have thought before, or can expose him to questions he never asked himself before. The Dialogue can be an empowering and eye-opening experience.
So, what would you like to explore?
Wishing you joy and blessings,
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