Out of work ? Looking for a job in this economy? Me? A likely yes to all three questions. A week ago I was given 90 days to turn around decreased store sales or I will be terminated. This would end a 26 year career with a fine jewelry store company with over 20 years as Store Manager. The reason for the probation is that sales have dropped the past 10 months and this is not acceptable by my owner and my supervisor. An interesting situation for me as just this past January I was named Corporate Store Manager of 2008 as I was featured as the "best manager in the company". Confusing situation, huh ? I thought so too until I made a decision later that day.
As I sat and participated in the conversation where I was told of my probation, I easily recognized that the Universe, of which I am a co-creator, was giving me a big ol' shove to get me to find another job. You see, I've been whining about my job for over 20 years and did little to find a new job. And I'm not just talking low level whining. I did some consistent and powerful unhappiness about my job for years, even creating health issues as a consequence. Why didn't I change and find a new job ? Fear expressed in a multitude of ways. Fear of disapproval by my current employer if I left being one of the big ones !
As I left that meeting, my head was filled with a variety of thoughts. Many fear based and a few of opportunity. Now here is where that decision I made kicks in ... I grabbed onto the notion of "what do I want? " and the flip side for me, "who do I want to be in this experience ?" as a grand and graceful way to move forward. I've done some dialogues and created greater comfort and ease. It is not about my store sales, or the incongruity of being placed on probation 8 weeks after being named 2008 Manager of the Year, or about finding another job with similar income in a slow moving economy, or any other stimulus. It is about what I want and who do I want to be in this experience.
Focusing on my wants is a relatively new topic to me as for years I pretended that I did not know what I wanted. I recognized just a few years ago that I always know what I want, yet had been covering them up with fear as I need outside approval. Lack of self love also has been part of my M.O. too . That being said I have easily accessed self love in this situation and am doing so much better that I probably would have even a year ago. I am rockin' through this situation with playfulness and desire that I have not accessed in years !
My intent is to continue to explore myself with dialogues and self studentship to become more comfortable in this opportunity I've attracted. I continue to work at my current job to the best of my abilities as that is important to me. It is quite likely though that I will leave my job before the end of the probation period and be unemployed as my choice. As I look at the situation I am in, I know that this is happening for my benefit. Hidden behind my layers of fear, lay self acceptance and self love. I believe that is why this is happening for my benefit. It is my time to access these as they have always been present.
I share my thoughts as a way to celebrate myself as I move forward with purpose. I move forward as I explore my wantings dropping fears along my path. It is a good day to be unemployed. It is a good day to be unemployed as this opens myself to so many more possibilities that I had never acknowledged.