Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Retaining Fear in a benevolent universe?

A wise man once said "Be in the world what you want to see in the world!". So why then do I still do fear? My life is littered with it, I squash one element and another pops up.

Here is a classic example, I was so excited at receiving an invite to the Option blog, yet it took me days to finally write a piece not because I have noting to say, but because I am fearful that I may write something stupid and be judged on my intellect. As I type this I realise the only one who is judging me is me...then does that mean I am I afraid of myself?... perhaps I am using fear as a motivator to make this piece good!

I use fear in so many more parts of my life e.g. I may not be successful enough, my kids might not be nourished enough, I might get hungry if I don't eat now (even when I am not hungry), my latest one most fun ones, Swine flu! I woke up one morning at 3am with no room for any other thought, my brain was awash with facts from the last pandemic and my husbands logistics, the fact I may not be able to come to Option in July for my next course, our mortality, etc, etc. Late that afternoon after having a good ramble on Bears's Facebook I realised this fear just as all the others are firmly embedded in the future. However, if you believe the universe is benevolent then there is no room for fear, if I am present there is no room for fear.

I have examined, dialogued and dissected fear from my past, every time I go from believing it is useful to me, to it is not useful for one of three reasons:-
1) Fear slows me down, it makes me ineffective and really miserable.
2) I can do the thing I want to change without "worrying" about it, and just because I am not worrying about it doesn't mean I don't care about it, or equally that I won't do anything about it if I am not worrying.
3) What is it that I want for myself, the answer is most often inner peace. So then I use one of my favorite learnings from Calm Amid Chaos, the universe is benevolent and so whatever is going to happen is going to be good for me or my loved ones, I may not understand how right now but I don't have to.

Whilst all the fear in my life is completely logical and possible, the question is, "what is it that I want in my life and the world beyond me?" The answer is easy, peace, love and happiness so my focus from now on is to do what I want to see, not on what might be.


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