From Bears: Fear of Being Alone actually is not fear of being alone...it's fear of something else.
During the Inner Strength Program (part of the all important Grand Summer Sequence of programs we do every summer at the Option Institute -- personal growth and personal transformation on steroids), I made a simple statement while the participants were discussing the apparently wide-spread "fear of being alone." The statement was: "Many of us are afraid to be alone because we'll end up being with someone we don't like -- ourselves." If we loved ourselves, enjoyed our own company, made life a fascinating adventure and dove deeply into our passions, being alone wouldn't be an issue. Because being alone would be being with one of the most awesome creatures on the planet -- ourselves. If the universe beats and breathes through us (and then, by extension, God or divinity beats and breathes through us), then when we're alone and focused self-students, we'd be having a dance with the universe and God. It is our self-judgments and self-disapproval that scares us about being alone...then we're with a person we actually critique and might not even like that much. Think of a time you've walked on a beach by yourself and sat on a hillside watching the setting sun...thank of a time when you read a great book or rode a bicycle down a country road -- often, during those moments, we get very present and very immersed and drop our self-judgments -- thus, we are alone and blessed. Alone isn't lonely when you stay present, stay accepting and find the opportunity in every unfolding moment.
Love, Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman/Co-Founder/Option Institute)
thanks for this comment, which I find a very helpful and wise reminder. I am living on my own, and sometimes I think this is intolerable. But then I turn that round to think of the opportunities for discovering what I like, and what I am capable of as an individual, just in my own right, and it is empowering. I have created opportunities in my creative life and my career that I wouldn't have done had I still been in my relationship, which at the time i was in it, was the centre of myt life. I am realising that I gave away alot of power in deciding to believe that my relationship was to be held onto at all costs. Thank you for your support, specially in Calm Amidst chaos, which was a profoundly healing week for me. My family thought I looked years younger when I came home.