A False Economy

FROM REKHA: As a parent of a special child I find it very easy to spend money where I think my child is directly benefiting e.g. an outreach or equipment for the playroom. But in the past when I thought about spending money on changing or helping myself I judged that as wrong or selfish.

On chatting to my friend Paula tonight she reminded that so many times changing or helping ourselves to get more comfortable is a key to us then going on to be able to help our kids.

For example when my son Rohan started having seizures two years ago where he would fall to the floor, convulse and then pass out for an hour, I FREAKED OUT! I was terrified, I didn’t know how to help him how he felt, I was futurising and catastrophising thinking my child is going to be really sick or worse, unhappy in the future. Empathising with my child thinking how awful this must be for him, the result was that I was angry, scared and most of all not present and therefore totally ineffective at helping my little boy.

I spoke to a friend (also a Son-Rise Mum) and she told me to do an Option Process® Dialogue about this discomfort, she said it is not helpful to Rohan for me to feel this way. In hind sight it was one of the single most important things I did to help my son and myself. In this Dialogue I went from a place of hating the seizure to feeling neutral about them I decided I wanted to be there for Rohan and not in my head doing fear and other things.

The next time Rohan had a seizure I checked in with myself, I was calm and I was here for him and then I just did what felt natural. I held his hand and stroked his back gently telling him that I was right there for him. As I watched from this neutral place, I saw him holding his muscles and his breath very tightly it reminded me of having contractions whilst in labour. So I started to coach him to breath just as the midwife had done with me.

Over the course of a year something amazing happened. Rohan’s seizures went from last 3-4minutes (often he would vomit during this period) after which he would freak out/scream and pass out for an hour. To 5-40seconds long, he often just gets up and walks off but if he does need a rest it’s just 10mins. Even more exciting was that even before I get to him now I see him taking action himself and helping himself by relaxing and starting to breath.

What I find most amazing is that he is more empowered to help himself because I took action to help myself!