How do you untangle what can sometimes feel like a mess of feelings and behaviors: Why am I feeling angry right now? What is this melancholy coming over me? Why did I yell at her? How can I get myself out of this
S/B/R to the rescue! Stimulus/Belief/Response...a terrific way for you to take ownership of your feelings and behaviors and change them by identifying the belief fueling your response and changing your belief.
Feeling angry is a Response, yelling at a loved one is a Response. When you are responding with discomfort, first identify the Stimulus, what happened. Then trust yourself to know what the Belief that actually fueld your Response was. This is an easy and effective way to greater self-studentship - knowing yourself better, understanding why you feel and behave the way you do, and then changing it.
Stimulus: Your child (or partner or parent) used the car and left the tank on empty.
Belief: She/he is irresponsible and this is bad for me (two beliefs here!)
Response: You get angry and yell.
Now, you get to rethink, and take care of yourself, by changing your belief.
Stimulus: Child (partner/parent) left the tank on empty.
Belief: This is ok, I have time to fill the tank.
Response: You feel calm, take action and without anger remind the person to check the gas tank when driving.
Untangle the mess of feelings and behaviors that you yourself create by using this simple but profound model for living a comfortable life!