It started as a joke, of sorts. Since last autumn, every time something that seemed "bad" or "stressful" happened at work (which seems to be often when you're a lawyer in the legal department of a Fortune 500 company) I would feel my mood start to crumple under the weight of it. I dug out my handouts from Optimal Self Trust, where I learned, among other things, "Everything happens for everyone's benefit." The next time something happened, I decided I would pretend that it was happening for everyone's benefit, and then see what happened next. For short, I just started to say out loud, "Awesome." Co-workers in the midst of personal crises? Awesome (through clenched teeth). Stock price jumping all over the place? Awesome (in the little fear voice). Vendors shirking obligations? Awesome (in my the angry voice). Clients want stern letters drafted? Awesome (in my tired voice). Paralegals too overworked to help? Banks getting bailed out? Tax time imminent? Spilled greasy Pad Thai on my new suit? Awesome, awesome, AWESOME (in my silly voice).
How could I possibly justify traipsing off to Sheffield for a program at The Option Institute with all of that going on? And yet, there I was, already registered for Calm Amid Chaos this past March and thinking, "There's no way I can take that week out of town."
Then, when I arrived home one day from work angry and morose for about the 100thday in a row, railing over checking account balances, private school tuition, the political climate, the emotional climate, the global climate, and mentioned canceling my registration. My husband (Hoopdaddy) said, ever so sweetly authentic, "Could you please not cancel your Calm Amid Chaos class?" But I heard, "Could you please go get yourself straightened out because you're stressing out the rest of us?" (I know, I know, in a stimulus-belief-response universe, I wasn't really making them stress out ...) On the other hand, I kept my vacation on the calendar, and showed up for Calm Amid Chaos last month. It was...well, you know. Awesome.
I've started to respond to all kinds of updates and news with, "Awesome." The more I say it the more it seems like it might be true. Or, at least, possible. It has started to seem like life, with all of its excitement cleverly disguised as chaos and crisis, might be perfect after all. In fact, it might just be...awesome.