I have the best time with myself. This morning I was out for my morning (recovering from surgery) walk and I was thinking. I thought about how I identified myself yesterday in the informational part of the blog. I said that I keep depression in my back pocket in case I think I need it. It's true that I have used depression most of my life as a way to take care of myself. But I don't want that way; I want happiness and acceptance and authenticity and compassion and gratitude. So, if that's what I want, why keep depression in my back pocket???? My guess is that I wasn't believing that I can take care of myself with the "happiness cocktail". What if? What if ? What if ? Well, I decided to dump the depression on my walk. I don't want it. I don't want it in my back pocket. I don't want it as a fall back. I know the "happiness cocktail" and Option attitude will ALWAYS keep me feeling safe and happy and on the path I want to be on.
This is probably not a coincidence. On my walk, I was thinking about buying a car and then about how many cars will I buy in whatever time I have left in my life - maybe 2 or 3 more? And then I thought " I will die at some point and GO BACK to being with God. I have NEVER had such a thought; it seems like someone else thinking it. But OK, I thought it. And I realized that I don't need to wait for death (or anything else) to be with God. God is always right there next to me with his/her/it's hand out, ready for me to take. (I thought of walking with my grand-children and how I always leave my hand out and available for him/her to hold and almost always he/she grabs hold. I think of God's hand like that - always available for me to hold).
So, here I am, holding God's hand and with empty back pockets (or maybe they are full of God). I am grateful.
With Love, Robin