Saturday, November 28, 2009

Choosing from your wants without judging beats doing nothing you want!

From Barb: I nearly wasted a day I REALLY wanted to get a lot done doing nothing I wanted because I was anticipating my judgements of my choices and my regrets that I could only do a part. Then realized NOT choosing was the worst option and reversed course.

I copied this from my facebook page notes I just wrote tonight.

I spent much of the beginning of this gorgeous day thinking that I could not fit everything I wanted in the time I had, given that I had no volunteers or other help here today. I was thinking about which thing(s) to do or do first - work with Anna, spend time with my son, go swimming or for a walk outside, clean the house big-time for Raun's visit, visit my friend's house, etc. I ended up spending time on-line and other things I didn't really identify as wants, but just randomly showed up.

I realized this afternoon that I was avoiding making a decision in order to affirmatively NOT choose because they were all important and I knew I tend to judge myself more for making the "wrong" choice (focusing on what didn't happen or being unfair - eg. spending more time with one child than another, or spending time on myself instead of them, etc.) than for "getting nothing done". I kept wondering when the "better" choice or "best" path would emerge to me, so instead I did nothing I really valued, which is in a way worse than any random choice I could have made, literally drawing what I wanted to do out of a hat. I think I've been doing this not just today but with most of my life - today was a miniature version of my whole life.

When I realized this I just started doing those wants in whatever order then occurred to me, shortened them (ie 1 hour in the room, 1/2 hr walk outside, 1/2 hr cleanup, etc.) and got a ton of them done and felt happier (still judging myself for not realizing this before). I think this is a life lesson I brought to myself, that going down the "wrong" path from among your wants and just doing it feels preferable than judgement, hesitation and stopping yourself believing you don't have your own wisdom yet.

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