Wednesday, August 10, 2011

From Bears: Authenticity is a choice

AUTHENTICITY, NOT PEOPLE-PLEASING, BUILDS CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS AND SAFETY. We have been taught to say what people want to hear, to mask our true selves and to focus on who we should be rather than being who we sincerely are. Actually, the key to creating loving and nourishing relationships is say what we really think and feel (hopefully, with kindness)...and be ourselves 100%. Solid/sincere/safe relationships!

When we live authentically, we never have to live in fear of being “found out.” We’re already congruent inside and out. Then, we get to be loved for who we are, not for who we pretend to be. Additionally, authenticity is like breathing fully; inauthenticity is holding back, hiding, suffocating. And yes, there are consequences to authenticity (honest interactions, people knowing who we are and choosing to be with us and not be with us). And yes, there are consequences to inauthenticity (isolation, fraud, fear). Neither is way is “the way.” We have choice and the choice to be authentic or inauthentic leads to very different destinations. Love, Bears


Ryan P.- I needed to read this. Very refreshing. Thank you!

Billy D. - I enjoy your posts immensely. :0) Even if i don't always comment, i read them all. Take care of yourself, Love Billy and family x x x x

Genell B. P. - Ahhh...Radical Authenticity was my favorite class!!!! It is the only way to fly! xoxoxoxoox Freedom! xoxoxooxox Thank You! xoxoxoxooxox :)

John J S. - ABSOLUTELY!!! Thank you so very much Bears. Best always!

Paige P.
- Hi Bears-thank you for posting these comments. The way each comment was phrased really helped me fully understand the meaning of authenticity and in authenticity. I am excited and ready for this week. I am completely open and willing to listen without defense. This class is going to be amazing even though someone my spot a part of me that I never wanted to look at before. It is only an opportunity to benefit from and look deeper inside. I will show up completely present and I am definitely bringing my inner-strength diary. I can't tell you enough how much the Option Process has changed my life. I am so glad I made the choice to spend my summer vacation taking classes here. I love you, Bears-see you in the morning.

Nico P.- Dear Paige, way to go! I'm so happy to see you shine, share, and love yourself. I am hugging you all the way from California. Have a fabulous week! LOVE, Nico

Kelli P.- Bears... exactly the journey I am on. Where does "people pleasing" vs. "being authentic" create distance in my relationships... and not a coincidence that I am re-reading "Happiness is a Choice" and happen to be in that section when you posted this :). Thank you for the inquiry, the ride, and the love and support along the way.

Alison S. T. - I'm not sure I understand quite what being authentic actually means. Does it mean that we have no secrets, nothing that we keep from other people? Are we therefore to be an open book about every detail of our lives? What about things that we have no choice about keeping to ourselves, how do we deal with that without isolating ourselves and feeling like we are hiding?

Rekha N. - Love it, love you Paige, love you Nico, love you Alison, love you Billy and of course love you

Larry B. - Alison, what do you mean by isolating, when you are authentically behaving and reflecting who you are and what you are really about? I believe the topic refers to be a) true to a useful purpose, (like why we're here, alive) and not deceptive to ourselves about what we're choosing to do to ourselves, and not deceiving ourselves pretending that externals 'make' us feel the way we do. Hugs

Alison S. T. - Thanks for your answer Larry, I'm still not sure I understand, are you saying that authenticity is about our relationship with ourselves - I know who I am - or is it about how I present myself to other people. What I was wondering is whether to not share certain aspects of our lives with other people was inauthentic. Do we need to make all of our lives public knowledge in order to be authentic. Certainly not sharing our problems leads to us feeling isolated as nobody knows and understands what we face. Sometimes not sharing things has a purpose though.

Larry B. - my take/make up is everything one does, one does for a reason based on a chosen belief as to how best to take care of oneself. Being authentic, about this, owning that how one experiences anything, is but a matter of 'doing oneself,' their emotional experience of whatever, which often supports a parallel physical expression to some degree. Its about being authentic about accepting ownership vs pretending externals rule the flavor of our experience. imho :)

Alison S.T. - Thanks Larry for replying, if I understand what you are saying then you are defining authenticity as being clear about exactly who is responsible for your own emotional experience - it is down to us as individuals to be responsible for ourselves. Which I totally agree with. I think Bears is adding in something extra into that thought in terms of how we show up when relating to others, that what we show to others as being a presentation of ourselves is the same as what we know on the inside to be our actual self - no pretence, no masks to hide what we consider to be an unattractive side to ourselves. But I was wondering whether that thought goes as far as suggesting that we are totally open about everything in our lives, that nothing is considered private information that we wouldn't share. What do you think?

Larry B. - lol.....yes, it seems some have a sort of unease about silence, or as if need to announce every bowl movement....sort of like not having any thing else to discuss or to explore..... perhaps one could explore what one is looking for, motivation for, feeling one ought to take up their moment, and the moment of others, without any particular interest being expressed by the other, lest it is joy, gratitude, ok-ness for the present moment. Ain't it fun what we can do to ourselves emotionally? hugs...

Larry B. - As to your seemingly deleted post Alison, the age old question which came first the chicken or the egg comes to mind. My take/make is all motivation ultimately is self motivation. in other words, 'what's in it for me', tends to rule. Being authentic, and good to myself Karmically, or emotionally, as in being of service. (quality and quantity being the measurement) In this equasion first one has to have a healthy respect and love of self to have it to give or share.

To set oneself up expecting that if I do good, then It will make me ok seems to me to put oneself in a potentially victim role, waiting for acknowledgment that one did something of service. Anyways this is how I make it up, for me, smiles

Alison S. T. - I didn't delete it Larry, that wasn't what I meant by my comment, we can love ourselves without loving others or needing the feedback. But the two do go together well

Larry B.- smilingly found the post on another thread. t/u 4 understanding.......

Alison S. T.- No worries Larry, thanks for all your thoughts.

: )

Karen S. - I hope you don't mind, but I am borrowing this. I would like to share it with my friends. I will let them know the author. Well said Bears.

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