Next Thought: Who is most enriched, the one who loves or the one who is being loved? When we love, we fill ourselves with the nourishing experience of creating the internal experience of love. In effect, we fill ourselves with love. When we are loved, but perhaps worried or annoyed or fearful, we have the experience of worry, annoyance and fear (not love). The best game in town: love as many people as we can.
For if we expand our circle of love and create love in ourselves for as many people as possible, then we have expanded our experience of love within our internal landscape. We can include not only our lovers, our family and friends but also the cashier at the grocery store, the teller in the bank, the bus driver. Some might call that being indiscriminate with our love; I see it as creating a family of humanity unlike any we have ever experienced. Next step: rather than view love as a family, convert it into a verb and make love an action statement of support and caring for others. Love and smiles, Bears
Pessy G. - I thank you for sharing your thoughts Bears. I find it so wonderful to experience sharing my love with others thinking I know exactly what it means to love. Then I return to The Option Institute, and I learn that I can love even deeper than I had ever imagined! What a gift!
Natalia Z. - oh. I really needed that today! Thanks Bears!
Creusa B.- Yes indeed! I LOVE the idea of making love an action statement of support and caring for otheres, no matter who they are! Thanks Bears, for reminding us to love unconditionally.
Sherri L. D. - Thank you for reminding me of the importance of LOVE!
Rekha N. - Every time I practice mentoring or exploring using the Option process Dialogue Bears, I give myself the most amazing hit, it is almost like an addiction!he he. I used to believe love was something sacred saved for a few special people in my life. I now find myself loving people I meet for just minutes of my life. Something I would have said was previously unachievable, it is just the most amazing experience. Thank you for sharing your secret! xxx
Laura S. - And from this came one of our favorite quotes by Samahria, "The one that LOVES the most wins". (A great movie with this theme is called Marvin's Room.)
Alison S. T. - The only way it would be indiscriminate to love everybody would be if I believed that my supply of love was in some way limited, that I could use it up or wear it out. I don't believe that at all. Love is unlimited in supply and so it is impossible to run out. I think it is great that in every circumstance of life the answer is to love more. I so enjoy how you Bears are so playful with your ideas, like the which is more enriching thought. It would be my make up for me which ever way I cast my vote, so I am going to vote for it is more enriching to love than be loved - because that in my experience has been the most fullfilling. If I give love I always feel nourished by the act of giving, but if someone loves me I am not always in a place to receive, so one has 100% success for me the other doesn't. That's it from me today, I am having a playroom day all day! Love you all XXX
Jeannie R. - PERFECT TIMING for me reading this today! I'm actually going to specifically set my intention for today to love as fully and beautifully as possible--totally for myself, but I know others will benefit too. Thank you so much, Bears.
Susan G. - Love and kindness walk hand in hand.
Susan G. - Ponder this: If your focus of loving is merely yourself and not the object of your love, your reason for loving is selfish. If you hope to enrich the other, then you are giving. When you love unconditionally, you are accepting unconditionally and that is altruism. What is your intention when you love?
Alison S. T. - If the intention of love is total unconditional acceptance of another person, coupled with wanting the very best for them and taking effective action to make that happen then the total focus of loving is on the person who you are loving, so... that is never selfish. I have been in positions in life where I have loved people who I don't think returned my love, but I still felt nourished for the things that I had done. This is a great place to be because my happiness and nourishment is not dependant on what someone else might do. So my being loving actually nourishes me. The idea that my love in some way enriches someone else rests on a belief that somehow I can affect someone elses feelings in spite of what they might choose. There is a saying that I like, which goes: life is like a marmalade sandwich, you only get out of it what you are prepared to put into it.
Alison S. T. - We can present opportunities for other people, but they have to be open to being loved which means they are giving themselves the marmalade.
Susan G. - If your intention is enriching yourself, you are being selfish regardless of how you define that love. An altruistic love is more concerned about the other. It matters not if the person returns that love. A selfish love is about enriching you.
Alison S. T. - So are you saying that when you love other people altruistically you get absolutely nothing out of it yourself?
Susan G. - I am saying that it is not the goal. There are no angles-I am not doing it with a selfish intention or hope of a selfish byproduct. If someone understands humility then they know there is a lot more loving to do and does not glory in what they have done. One looks forward to all else that needs to be done.
Alison S. T. - I don't believe that it is selfish to want to nourish myself, I actually believe that in loving and nourishing myself that I am more able then to be loving to other people, which then means that I am even more loving to others etc it is an upward spiral, but it begins with me.
Susan G. - I said nothing about nourishing or taking care of oneself. I take care of myself. I was talking about love, altruism and humility. Reread what I wrote, Alison.
Alison S. T. - Susan, when I share things on Bears wall, I am sharing things that are personal to me and my life. My intention in sharing them is to stretch my thoughts and grow myself bigger but also I hope that that in sharing my perspective others might share theirs too, which can be very inspiring. If what I write is helpful to other people too then I would be delighted. I am not out to attack your beliefs or even change them, I know I can't do that - and I don't want to. I hope you feel that when you write things here that I treat them with the love and respect they deserve.
Susan G.- If you wish to stretch your thoughts and grow and have others stretch their thoughts and grow, you would have no problem with what I have written. It is only by being willing to think and challenge can one grow. Bears uses the socratic method which I am very familiar with as that is how law school is taught. I am not being a devil's advocate. I am sharing my beliefs and thoughts about Bears subject of love and who is enriched when one loves.
Alison S. T. - Susan, I have never had a 'problem' with anything you have written, I don't always agree with you but each of us chooses our own path as I have said many times.
Jan J. S. - I'm impressed that there is a discussion here where people are respectfully disagreeing... I suspect there are different kinds of love; certainly various definitions. I'm sure I would step between a tiger and my child; I'm not sure I would do that for a fellow adult I loved. I've been noticing that it seems people who fill themselves with happiness give off love as a by-product...but then loving also has the by-product of happiness.
Susan G. - Love thy neighbor as you would love thyself.
Jan J. S.- My interpretation of "love thy neighbor is that you actually DO love your neighbor as you do yourself: judge yourself, you judge your neighbor; love yourself, you will love your neighbor...so I see it not so much as a "should" but this is how it works. Then again, I know if I start with loving my neighbor, I reap the benefit of that love. So I wonder why I don't choose this way to be more often...
Gail B. F. - Bears this is so so true. Since coming home from the Optimal Self Trust program this is the 'game' I've been living and you know what? It actually works! I had some huge stimuli going on while I was there at the program and really learned a lot about myself and how I choose to be many times in my relationship especially with my husband Jim. I made a decision during the program that I was going to love him and be non judgmental and we have had the most incredible week in 17 years. I can't wait to come back to Radical Authenticity next week and tap even deeper into the love that I can create for myself. Thank you so much!